Unofficial Trilogy

Unofficial Trilogy… Sucked From Time Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Flashing Lights, Grids, and Guns = Science Fiction

Millennium (1989)

This is the first of the films in which characters about to die are sucked from their impending doom and thrust into a surreal reality, or surreality™.  As you can see from the poster above, this one involves a plane.  Well, two planes.  And they’re about to crash into each other.  But all the passengers are already dead.  Because they were see the first sentence. It’s not the greatest film in the world, but if you enjoy Cheryl Ladd and Kris Kristofferson looking like this…

...then this pic's for you. Well, not this picture. I mean the motion picture. But I guess you could have this pic, too.

Freejack (1992)

The second film featuring a surreality™ doesn’t give away as much in the poster, other than its odd cast.  You might think the flick has to do something with virtual reality, which is strictly The Lawnmower Man’s territory (no it’s not), when in fact it deals with a man (Emilio Estevez) being pulled into the future before his race car crashes.  The reason why?  Sir Anthony Hopkins wants his body.  Seriously.  Estevez escapes and becomes a Freejack (aha!), and is chased by Mick Jagger looking like this:

He's got the goons like Jagger.

Gantz (2011)

If you enjoy subtitles and odd sci-fi action spread out over two movies, then these Japanese films are for you.  I haven’t seen the sequel yet (Gantz: Perfect Answer), so I don’t have any answers, perfect or otherwise, as to what the Gantz is.  Well, it’s a dude inside a giant black ball that pulls the almost deceased into a surreality™ where they dress up in rubber power suits and set out to kill a vast array of strange aliens.  Here’s a taste:

Natsuna Watanabe is easy on the Gantz.

Unofficial Trilogy… Meta-Mental Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

These posters are almost like Neapolitan Ice Cream.

Mental illness is nothing to laugh about, and these films don’t take them lightly.  They take them light-ish.  Depression is depressing enough.

STRANGER THAN FICTION

Sure, Will Ferrell’s Harold Crick may not be too mental, but he sure needs some help.  When he begins hearing the narration about the mundane details of his systematic life, he seeks not only psychiatric help, but literary help.  Is his life a comedy or a tragedy?  Same goes for this film.

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

Ryan Gosling’s Lars Lindstrom has a problem.  He can’t deal with the fact that his sister-in-law is pregnant (it is explained), so his response?  Get a mail-order girlfriend… that’s not really real, despite what the title depicts.  The whole town ends up chipping in and helping with his malady, so that maybe – just maybe – he can find true love with a real girl, like the title says.

THE BEAVER

Forget about Mel Gibson’s public exploits; his Walter Black is much worse off.  He’s so depressed that the only way he can keep giving a dam (ha!) is to speak through a beaver puppet.  This film isn’t as funny as you may hope it could be, but it is interesting… especially the end.  It’s certainly not flat like a beaver’s tail.  Sorry.

Unofficial Trilogy… B-Movies With B+ Endings

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is an Unofficial Trilogy I would never brag about, but I have to recommend.

One of these won't leave you feeling icky.

Galaxy of Terror

This Roger Corman classic is known primarily for three things:

  1. Joanie (Erin Moran) from Happy Days and Freddy Kruger (Robert Englund) are in it
  2. James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) worked on this film’s special effects
  3. The worm scene

It’s because of #3 that I loathe to recommend it, but it’s story ended up impressing me slightly (because my expectations were so low).  Hence, the B+ ending.

The Toolbox Murders

This one starts off so stupid, I barely paid attention to it.  But there were two scenes that made me take notice:

  1. It contains Stephen King’s favorite death scene (Hint: it involves a nail gun.)
  2. The conversation between the kidnapped girl and the killer… is better than this film as a whole.

Group those in with the ending, and I say, it’s kind of worth watching if you like stupid slasher films.

Brotherhood

This is the respectable one in the bunch.  It’s about a fraternity prank that goes very wrong,  similar Very Bad Things.  It’s fairly believable, and it ratchets up the tension quite well.  Then there’s the ending!  Use this one as a palette cleanser.

Unofficial Trilogy… Cartoonish Nazi Bashing Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

I know you’ve seen these, but I implore you to watch them again.

Fun times in not-so-(Nazi?)-fun times

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Raiders of the Lost Ark might be critically regarded as the best of the Indy films, but I was fourteen when Indy went on his supposedly Last Crusade and it’s my favorite.  I’m not a huge movie quote-spouter regularly, but with this film (and Ghostbusters), I can whip out (ha!) more than a few.  And don’t forget Sean Connery!  Plus Hitler signing the Grail Diary!  This film belongs in a museum.

The Rocketeer

One of my all-time favorite episodes of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was when there was a bad guy so bad that He-Man and Skeletor teamed up to save Eternia.  Aside from the happy heroics and the happier soundtrack, this film does the same – the Rocketeer teams up with mobsters to fight Nazis!  America, fuck yeah!

Inglourious Basterds

This film seemed to be the most fun Brad Pitt had since Snatch (take that whatever way you want).  We get not only exposed to one of the greatest film villains of all-time in Chistoph Waltz’s Colonel Hans Landa, we are treated to an early glimpse of the greatness that is Michael Fassbender/Magneto.  Bonus: Mike Myers isn’t playing Shrek!  We also get one more guest appearance from Hitler himself, but the Inglourious Basterds accomplish what Indy couldn’t, so once again… America, fuck yeah!

Unofficial Trilogy… Halloween Horror Oreo Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m especially proud of this Unofficial Trilogy… The Halloween Horror Oreo:

Horror films always mess with our heads, even in the posters.

It’s very possible that you haven’t heard of any of these films, and if you did, it’s probably more likely that you’ve never seen them.  Watch them!  And in this order.  The Oreo-ness will become apparent soon enough.

The Brood

This David Cronenberg film proves my theory that size matters in regard to what’s scary.  I would explain what this film was about, but I fear (ha!) it would give too much away.  Cronenberg is known primarily for his “body horror” films, and this one is no different.  Watch it first to set the dark mood…

The Stuff

This goofier horror film about a dessert that turns people into zombies is the cream-filling needed to clean your palette after The Brood, and prepare you for…

Frailty

This film is atmospheric as fuck.  And well-written.  And well-directed.  And well-acted, which is weird considering Matthew McConaughey is in it.  It’s about the sons of a serial killer that believes he’s carrying out God’s plans.  Man, is this dark movie good… unlike my write-ups on all these films.

So in closing, when you ask me:

Trick or treat?

You’ll have to watch this Unofficial Horror Oreo Trilogy to find out!

Unofficial Trilogy… “Who Arted?” Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

This was another situation in which I happened to watch three films in order, and each subsequent film made me re-evaluate the prior one.  If this sounds arty as fuck, that’s because I watched three “documentaries” about the nature of art:

Aren't posters art unto themselves?

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Watch this film first.  It’s imperative to do so.  Plus, it’s the most accessible.  It unfolds as a documentary by a man obsessed with street artists, that unfolds into a documentary about that very same man.  Director and street artist Banksy examines what makes art “art” via this romp that also asks what makes a documentary “a documentary.”

Catfish

Like ETtGS, this film received a lot of slack about whether it was real or a setup.  I sit on the sidelines and commend it for making me think not only about the events in this film (which though not surprising are still somehow shocking), and Banksy’s effort.

My Kid Could Paint That

I’m not big into abstract art, but I do have to admit that the artwork presented in this film was appealing… no matter the artist.  Again, I don’t want to give away too many details, but this film really shines a light on aspects of the first two films, by asking:

Are we admiring art or the artist?

Or as I titled this Unofficial Trilogy:

Who arted?

Unofficial Trilogy… Man’s Mind Trilogy

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has been a topic I’ve intended to set up for a quite while now: a focus on the Unofficial Trilogy.  And since the majority of my posts tend to rally around music or TV, I wanted something that’s solely movie related, hence this.

On more than several occasions, I’ve seen three movies consecutively, or close enough to each other, that all tie into a similar theme.  To initiate this category, I will discuss the Man’s Mind Trilogy.

Look at how dark all those posters are.

Roger Dodger

Ladies… do you think men are pigs?  Are they born that way, or are they made?  That’s kind of the simplest breakdown of this film’s thesis.  It examines the effects of wanting/having/needing sex on the male mind, and how that gets passed down through the generations.  Campbell Scott plays uncle to Jesse Eisenberg, back when Jesse was just Hallie Eisenberg’s older brother, and not an Oscar-nominated Actor!  Who’s Hallie, you also ask?  Remember the Pepsi Girl commercials?

High Fidelity

Author Nick Hornby could have made this list twice (About a Boy was thisclose to making this trilogy), but this one is on here because it examines what men think about relationships.  Every aspect of relationships.  Before they’re in them.  While they’re in them.  Even the flickering relationship men have with the memories of their faded relationships.  And it takes place in a record store.  You know, because records is a metaphor for records, yo!

Fight Club

What does it mean to be a Man in the Modern World?  Fight Club certainly doesn’t pull any punches (ha!) when examining this question.  I won’t divulge the scope or the twist of this film because if you haven’t seen this somehow, I won’t be the one to ruin it.  But I have three parting words for you: duvet… and Bitch Tits.