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Worth 1002 Words… Where Is My Chair? Edition

Posted on March 21, 2012 by sgottahurt

Seriously, though.

(via @whereismychair on Twitter. Apparently some douchey teacher always complains about someone taking his chair. In reality, the chair has a life of its own…)

Drunken Recollection… Don’t Make A “Great One” Pun, Don’t Make A “Great Two” Pun

Posted on February 8, 2012 by sgottahurt

I’m a late entry fan to hockey and the NHL. But having said that, I’ve been a fan since 1995. Since then, I’ve been aware of Wayne Grezky and his status as The Great One, but I never witnessed any of the feats he performed to attain such an acknowledgement.

(SIDENOTE: Much to my chagrin, the same thing goes for Barry Sanders. I’ve only started following the NFL since 2006…)

Anywayne, add to my disappointment that I didn’t know The Great One had a 22-year-old daughter that had a predilection to post provocative pictures of herself on Twitter. And if G.I. Joe taught me anything, knowing is half the battle. (However, it did not teach me not to drink before playing soccer.)

Here are some pictures of Paulina Gretzky in case you too were iced out (sadly, The Great one has since made her quit using Twitter… talk about a slap shot):

She did not borrow those glasses from any officials, I'm telling you...

Hat trick. I just had to make some caption.

Puck.

(More pics here.)

So now I find myself in a similar quandary as I did when I had my crush on Chris Elliott’s daughter, Abby:

More like, Sunday Morning Live

And my upcoming crush on Mirror Mirror star, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins (she plays Snow White in the re-imagining):

Sadly, her father does not play one of the Seven Dwarfs.

Imagine if this dude was singing this song to any of the above dads:

Happy Find… Please Rob Me

Posted on March 10, 2010 by sgottahurt

Well not me, specifically...

I don’t say this often – mostly because the majority of things are not – but here I go… BRILLIANT!

I’ve often thought when perusing my Twitter feeds, “Why did he or she say that?”

Usually the that pertains to a variety of other inappropriate TMI-type things. Sometimes though, people report where they are at, and by stating that, they are informing us Twitter users where they are not, and that long run-on sentence leads me to this:

Please Rob Me

It’s a website that collects Tweets of people announcing their whereabouts, and it leaves the rest up to you go-getters.

It only leads me to question whether there’s a site that collects what people on Twitter eat. Wait, yeah… there is.

Happy Find… Be F—ing Awesome

Posted on November 4, 2009 by sgottahurt

Are you tired of posting comments on your Twitter feed and not getting the reaffirming comments you deserve? Then I’ve* found the answer!

I've only just begun my quest toward awesomeness!

Be Fucking Awesome!

A haven of heavenly circle jerking!

A cornucopia of corny boasting!

A bucket of, um, buck-stops-here proclamations!

(I’m WYSeanIWYG, because, well, What You Sean Is What You Get.)

*Actually found by Chris

Happy Find… Lamebook

Posted on August 26, 2009 by sgottahurt

I never got into either MySpace or Facebook. The trendiness didn’t appeal to me (and for the record, I was into Twitter before the huge Twitstorm hit… luckily, it’s subsiding).

So it wouldn’t and shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to create a comparably named forum to mock the uncouth denizens of , and it didn’t (as far as I know).

Introducing (unless you’ve already met) Lamebook, where the h8rs can h8t freely, without having a Facebook account, courtesy of h8rs that have Facebook accounts.

From the entry titled, "That Sucks"

This is a mere sampling of a sampling. I don’t know whether I dodged a bullet, or I’m missing the gunfight, but for now, I’ll stick to Lamebook (even though it’s one of the rare websites I happily found that doesn’t have the word “fuck” in the title).

Drunken Recollection… News At The Speed Of Twitter

Posted on June 20, 2009 by sgottahurt

Last night, while playing trivia at the bar (natch), a question came up (natch) that we made an educated guess on (unnatch… we usually guess blindly).

The question in question:

In what year was the stamp first used:

1640

1780

1860

1910

True story. Also explains BGP... ("Beer Goggle Phenomenon")

Since my intelligence increases exponentially with the amount of alcohol intook (intaked? intaken? I’m not drunk enough to know this right now!), I stumbled upon a method of deduction.

In ye days of ole, peasants probably wouldn’t speak to each other via any other method but their mouth or fastest son. Maybe a carrier pigeon if they figured that bit out. And monarchs had messengers, as did this country’s forefathers. Remember, they had that whole bit about wax seals (not to be confused with wax walruses).

So we talked and chatted it up. WWI would be way to late, and it seemed like the Old West would have had mail. Then it struck me – The Pony Express! I didn’t know what year they were around, but 1860 sounded ’bout right. And lo! ‘Twas!

We hooted and hollered it up and guessed performed well the remainder of the game… until Doc Holliday tripped us up. Actually, it was Satine. From the movie Moulin Rouge! (The producer’s exclamation point – not mine.) We could not for the love of the game of trivia think of tuberculosis, as in “What did she die from?” We knew Doc had it, and maybe Walt Kowalski had it, but alas, we did not get it. Farewell sweet $100…

But I digress. All of the above is not what this post was supposed to be all about. I know it is so far, but bear with me. This is about a little unexpected experiment that occurred after trivia, and it ties in with the Pony Express.

This took me way longer to make than I would have liked. Speaking of which - do you like?

Right after the game, my friend and I thought it would be funny to put on Twitter that he and his girlfriend (whom was sitting beside him) had broken up. Not even a minute after posting it via my lovely iPhone (it’s just a 3G, not a 3GS – don’t H8), each of their phones were blowing up. Followers Friends on Twitter asked for details and offered denials. It was amazing.

Okay, I guess the bulk of this post was about the Pony Express after all.

(Sorry Sue about all the damage control, but remember what I do is in the name of comedy, whether people find it funny or not!)

No wonder Twitter Bird is so fast!

JusWondering… Wait-And-See Sequels Worth The Wait To See?

Posted on May 21, 2009 by sgottahurt

A bit ago, IMDb ran this poll:

Grant it the survey was held with tongue planted firmly at the back of the throat (I know they say ‘cheek’ normally, but it is ‘growing’ out of your throat like a plant… this was funnier and not as gross in my head).

Anyjohnhughes, as much as I would love to see Ferris Bueller’s Laid Off, it ain’t gonna happen. As of now, not any one of those films have a chance – nay, a whisper – of development talk.

These on the other hand, these sequels have been chatted up dearly:

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas (scheduled for 9/5/10) – Decorate your buds:

Why not? We’ve already seen these guys ride a cheetah in the wrong direction, and spoke down with W. And everybody knows National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation was the best of Chevy Chase’s screen family’s exploits. Too bad they never made that Swiss Family Griswold that Chevy promised. Oops… they kinda did.

Ghostbusters 3 (maybe to start filming this Christmas) – I am afraid of part 2:

This movie is the childhood dream behind a fourth Indiana Jones movie. Keep fucking Lucas and Spielberg away (should be easy since they had nothing to do with the first two), and let Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky’s script have room to glow. The duo writes for The Office; The Office can be is funny. Thank Gozer that Atari (wait… really, Atari?) got the Ecto-1 rolling on making a new video game based on the franchise. That probably helped accelerate enthusiasm, and something something clever about waking ghosts.

Wall Street 2 (sometime in 2010) – Giant bull anyone?

Is Oliver Stone relevant? The antithesis to the ‘Greed is good’ mantra from the first film certainly is alive and unwell. And Michael Douglas isn’t doing anything except Catherine Zeta-Jones. Greed certainly is good for the studios, but this long-not-so-awaited sequel is a little more The Two Jakes, than The Color of Money (neither is much of a compliment). Wait… Shia LaBeouf is in it? Are you sure he’s not too busy?

Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2 (who knows?) – “A shave and a hare-cut… too late!”

I remember wanting to skip a summer baseball game to see the original. Would I want to skip a soccer game as an adult to see the sequel? No. But I would go see a midnight sneak preview afterwards. Director Robert Zemeckis – reigning king of creepy CGI work in The Polar Express, Beowulf, and the upcoming A Christmas Carol (third holiday shout out on this post) – wants to include… creepy CGI. Could be an interesting mash-up of styles, and could make for a neat-o picture.

Some rumored projects that will most likely never see the light of the darkened theater. Never say never…

Lethal Weapon 5
Gremlins 3
The Goonies 2
Men in Black 3 (It’s most likely happening, but the announcement occurred on April 1st, so who knows…)