A Handful Of… Characters That Fear Water

Water… is life.

Water… is cleansing.

Water… is wet.  What else can I say?

For these characters in TV and film, water is only wet.  Lame opening?  Waterever.

Here are A Handful Of characters that fear H2O.

  • Mogwai named Gizmo

This poor little guy can’t even drink beer without spawning bastard siblings.

Yes, I've used that joke before.

  • The Wicked Witch of the West

I wonder if Glenda the Good Witch could get wet.  Maybe that came out wrong.  That was still a bad choice of words…

"I really like Arby Meltings, I'm Meltings..."

  • Pigpen

Water would only turn this Peanuts character into Muddy.

The Muddy pun would have went better if his name was Dusty.

  • Aliens

When you’re an alien that has acid blood, you avoid getting open wounds around water.

"I'd rather have ice in my veins..."

When you’re an alien that’s skin is so sensitive to water that it’s like acid, you avoid planets and creatures composed mostly of water.  Or so you’d think…

"If I had ice in my veins, I'd die... Waah..."

  • Jason Voorhees

Maybe he didn’t fear water so much before… you know…

"Hey mom, look at me! I'm splashing!"

  • Tim Burton’s version of evolved Apes

Take it guy from this blog post:

Apes, for some reason, are deathly afraid of water, because in all their evolving they have never learned to swim. In fact, they are so afraid of water that when Mark Wahlberg is running away from them, across a river, he is literally only a few steps into the water when the apes stop pursuing them. The idea seems to be that they are afraid of drowning, but apparently they are afraid of getting wet at all. Ummm… okay.

"Orangutan I didn't say banana? Get it?"

  • Ringwraiths

I guess there’s a bunch of debating about the portrayal of these characters in the Lord of the Ring films, but by my summation, they’re afraid of water.  It’s an elemental thing.

"It's also a horse-shaped tidal wave drowning us thing..."

  • 6th Graders

This video will prove it once and for all:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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Musical Musings… How Could I Have Mixed These Bands Up?

It’s funny that I was confusing this band

hedley

called Hedley with this band

deadsy

called Deadsy when I heard this song by Hedley (seriously fuck Universal Music Group and their disabled embedding!) and confused it with the stylings of this song by Deadsy:

At least I didn’t confuse either band with this group

faith1

or these odd orange guys (if you only watch one video on this page, make it this one):

INTERESTING FACTS

  • Deadsy’s lead singer, P. Exeter Blue I, is Cher’s son, Elijah Blue Allman
  • Hedley’s lead singer, Jacob Hoggard, placed third on Canadian Idol.
  • Faith+1’s debut album sold one million copies and “went myrrh.”
  • Deadsy’s album Commencement is still the only CD that I bought and gave away.  Prong’s Cleansing is the only cassette tape to share that honor.
  • Hedley, British Columbia was once for sale at a price tag of $346,000.  Not sure if that’s in US or Canadian dollars, but the band was named for the city.
  • b4-4 is also from Canada, and they have to be like totally gay, eh?  When the trio broke up, two stayed together and formed the band, RyanDan.  It’s named after themselves, for Faith+1’s sake!  (Okay, I guess they’re twins, but still…)

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

Tact is not in my boss Paul’s vocabulary.  It wasn’t even when while we are friends.  In memory of Michael Jackson, here’s some of his favorite depictions… from two shows.

Top 5 Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

5. South Park
Blanket can fly, “That’s ignorant,” and who has whose nose?

4. Family Guy
The dancer, the legend, and his crotch.

3. Family Guy
Captain EO is “coming right at me!”

2. South Park
“I’d like to show you my wishing tree!”

1. South Park
“You’re so awesome, Mr. Jefferson!  I’ve got time, do you?”

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Punk Covers Of 80’s Songs

99 Red Bowling Shirts

99 Red Bowling Shirts

Aaah, the 80’s.  They’re definitely Generation X (and sometimes Y)’s version of our parents and their nostalgic-laden 60’s.  And since my boss, Paul, and I are huge fans of living in the past, Paul thought he’d double-dip in the ethers of remember-when, and present this list:

Top 5 Punk Covers of 80’s Songs

5. Smooth Criminal – Alien Ant Farm
“I was never a big Michael Jackson fan, especially his late 80’s work, but this version makes this song listenable.”

4. Boys of Summer – The Ataris
“While Don Henley’s original has some 80’s nostalgia to it, this is by far a better version.”

3. Come On Eileen – Save Ferris
“Awesome remake by this ska band wit the lead vocal hottie. I can actually understand Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ lyrics with this version.” [Ed. – When I saw saw them in concert, “vocal hottie” Monique Powell had this joke to say:]

What’s worse than Grease on Olivia Newton-JohnCome on Eileen!

2. Take On Me – Reel Big Fish
“One of the best ska bands from the 90’s doing the #1 80’s Hit from A-Ha.  Also, it was featured in the South Park creators’ movie, Baseketball.” [For those stuck more in the 80’s than us, those creators would be none other than Trey Parker and Matt Stone, natch. – Ed.]

1. 99 Red Balloons – Goldfinger
“One of my favorite punk bands doing one the the better songs from the 80’s by Nena.”

JusWondering… What Do Hackman, Rudd, The Gute, And The Mac Guy Have In Common?

In response to the post title’s inquiry:  they’re all… Actors!

Here’s a couple things I’ve been JusWondering about each.

1) Gene Hackman

"Men at Work 2: Trash Tweens"

"Men at Work 2: Trash Tweens"

Whatever happened to Gene “Hack Man” Hackman?  Why hasn’t he been acting lately?  The last film he appeared in was Welcome to Mooseport, and heaven forbid something happens to him, but does an actor of his caliber really want his swan song to be a co-starring vehicle with the guy that played a CGI mammoth?  Personally, I think he’s better than most of the Actors! of his generation… mostly because he was Lex Luthor and Popeye Doyle.  And of course, Royal Tenenbaum.

2) Paul Rudd/Steve Guttenberg

The Rudd meets the Gute, and it was "Grute"

The Rudd meets the Gute, and it was "Grute"

Paul Rudd reminds my mother of Steve Guttenberg, for some reason.  Though I would have to admit that if they when they remake Police AcademyRudd would make a great Mahoney

I also think he would make a great Krull, if that’s what the main character’s name was.  If Krull is the blue guy, the chick, or the kick-ass weapon, then no.  All I remember about Krull is that kick-ass weapon.

I should have Photoshopped Rudd into this, but I'm lazy.

I should have Photoshopped Rudd into this, but I'm lazy.

3) Justin Long

justin_long

He Longs for a major hit.

How about this guy and his scene stealing?  I don’t think he works as well as a lead (Accepted or Waiting…), or as well as an assistant lead (Live Free or Die Hard), but in bit parts… he shines.  Since I was initially amused by him in Galaxy Quest, he’s eaten the scenery (and his co-stars) in The Break Up, Idiocracy, Walk Hard, and Zack and Miri Make a PornoWill Ferrell started off the same way, in the background out loud, and now he slays in (most of) his films.  Maybe the same will happen Justin time so he won’t have to wait for too Long.

InASense, Lost… “Hi, My Name Is Sean, And I’m A Webaholic”

In deciding between calling myself a netaholic or a webaholic, it was only then that I realized the similarities between a “net” and a “web,” and I wondered if such naming was on purpose, but I digress…

Allow me to reiterate.  I.  Am.  Addicted.  To the TripleDoubleU.  (I was tired of using these “.” for a moment.)

I’d like to blame it on the stock market crashing and I will.

See, I work in IT, and just like how a stripper doesn’t enjoy bringing her work home (maybe that was a bad example), I wasn’t too keen on doing much on the web once I got home.  I had five blogs I regularly read, and I played on the Hollywood Stock Exchange (my user name is TakeOne if interested).  Otherwise I did banking and billing (and occasional drunk purchases on Amazon or DeepDiscount).

But when the market crashed and EVERYONE panicked, my company’s clients held their breath and stopped calling, and I was suddenly left with a lot of free time on my hands.  I never got into MyBook or FaceSpace, so I started checking out this whole blogging thing.  Voila!  MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo was born.

But now I’m in a bit of a crisis.  Over the last six months, I’ve kinda developed a needto be online.  First off, I have way more than five blogs to read on a daily basis.  Plus I have two (and sometimes more if I feel like it) of my own to tend to.  Throw in my recent crippling desire to Twitter, and it’s borderline unbearable.  For example, how am I supposed to watch TV and DVD’s without a functioning laptop on top of my lap (functioning = online).

Where the major crisis stems from is the fact that the neighbor’s wifi I’ve been “borrowing” seems to have been cancelled.  I believe this started April 1st, and I’m beginning to lose my mind.

I live in Detroit, and my only option for a provider is Comcast, and I can’t stand Comcast (although I do love their new commercials).  So here I sit.  Writing this blog.  Using dial-up.

Maybe I need to get this (click here to take you to the site because I couldn’t post it via dial-up!):

The Innernette! It all fits on one CD!

The Innernette! It all fits on one CD!

 Also, I feel a kindred spirit in last season’s South Park episode, “Over Logging.”  If you haven’t seen it, check it out here.  Just be warned – there is a very gross scene that even Trey Parker couldn’t believe they got away with putting on TV.

Okay, sure, maybe I’m just being whiny, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t find it fair that no one else but Comcast has upgraded lines in my area to give us consumers some options. 

mjusayin