The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Algebra(s) And Calculus(t)

Not to brag, but I was quite the whipper-snapper at math in high school.  In the honors program, A’s were the norm (there was one errant B in the third quarter of trigonometry), and I found out after graduation that my peers had a bet going if the valedictorian or I would score higher on the advanced placement test (more of them picked me than her… I earned a 5 out of 5, and I assume she did, too… but still… me > her).

Boasting does not become me, and since I’ve painted myself Just Sh–ty after claiming I was The Sh–, it’s time for me to deflect, quick!

So, yeah, math.  It used to be pretty cool to “know” and “understand” how to solve problems without calculators, to me at least.  It’s like history in that way – if you don’t learn from it, you’re doomed to repeat it.  Well, maybe not, but my point is this:

Kids today have it easy. 

Too easy?  I wouldn’t go that far.  In reality, does anyone really need to know how to _____ without computers?  In reality, kids today need to know more about the birds and the bees, than tangents and cosines, or in other words, more about f—ing than functions.

Over the past year, there has not been 1, nor 2, nor 3, nor 4, nor 5, but at least 6 (!) math (!) teachers that have been found guilty of becoming involved with their students.  That doesn’t add up.  (Sorry, had to.)

(Keep in mind the St. in front of each prof’s name represents Sex teacher, not Saint.  Did you buy it?)

BONUS!

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In My Brain While Sleeping… A Movie About Young Lesbians In Love And Kurt Russell And Goldie Hawn

Hawn-Russell is not a character from Star Wars, Pete! I told you so!

Hawn-Russell is not a character from Star Wars, Pete! I told you so!

With a post title like that, you might start to wonder why my lead picture is Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.  Allow me to explain…

Last night, I had a dream about a movie starring these two entitled The Organization of L.  What the title referred to, I can only assume, is some subconscious reference to The L Word, due to the story of the “movie.”

SIDENOTE: I was contemplating not posting this as not to give anyone any ideas, but then I realized, “Hey, I don’t have anything else to post today.  Plus, I just thought of a funny way to end it.”

The “story” was this: Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn lived in neighboring brownstones in some major city.  Goldie was a progressive-thinking mother.  For example, she let her son – nay, encouraged him – to play with Barbie dolls as well as well as his G.I. Joe’s.  Her college age daughter was a philosopher and a dreamer… and she has been dating Kurt’s college age daughter through most of the past school year.  

Kurt, on the other hand (yet in a similar way), raised his daughter as major league sports enthusiast and a tomboy, having no other children since his wife passed away.  They’re best friends, and he doesn’t want any boy to ever take her away.

Flash forward to summer break.  Both daughters are back home for the summer, and one night, while  Goldie’s daughter stays the night at Kurt’s house, Kurt’s daughter proposes.

Goldie’s delighted; Kurt’s confused.  Hilarity, sentimentality, and maturity ensue!

I mean, it’s not like the subject of gay marriage is timely or anything?  (Miss California’s scandalous topless pic here.)

A real boob (job)

A real boob (job)

And it’s not like anyone’s interested in the heartaches and heart warmings between two college-age lesbians, right?

All right Pete... I'll give you that.  SamRo and LiLo sound like characters' names in Star Wars.

All right Pete... I'll give you that. SamRo and LiLo sound like characters' names in Star Wars.

INGREDIENTS: Two glasses of organic milk, which after drinking, made me feel oddly drunk.