JusWondering… What Else Should They Bring Back?

This just screams porno stash.

Often owned by strangers with candy.

Well whadayanknow?

Last year, Polaroid got rid of their Instant Cameras.  I wrote about it here when this blog was still a fledgling.

But courtesy of The Impossible Project (or of a PR stunt the likes of the Heene family – the last batches of film sold recently expired), Polaroid is bringing sexy Instant Cameras back.

This got me thinking… what other foregone technologies would I like to see return?

1) Spindle

threadingspindle

In fairy tales, they were able to spin straw into gold.  They also acted as GHB when it came to princesses.  So maybe they shouldn’t come back.

2) Dick Tracy Copmobile

With technology like that, kids’ imaginations had to flourish.  (See the original toy commercial down below.)*

3) Top Loading VCR’s

"What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" "The VCR heads!"

“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” “The VCR heads!”

Nostalgia and functionality and purpose aside… look at how easy it was to use?  With all those dials and switches and buttons, you could set the clock!  (Ra-tat-tat-CRASH!)  Of course I want it back for nostalgic reasons (but still not functionality and purpose).

4) Libraries

The Dewey Decimal System was "thisclose" to being the Huey Whole Number System. The Louie Lottery System wasn't even close.

The Dewey Decimal System was "thisclose" to being the Huey Whole Number System. The Louie Lottery System wasn't even close.

There’s something terribly wrong with kids today, and I stand by two reasons why:

  1. Siblings each having their own bathroom growing up, instead of fighting to share one.
  2. Libraries aren’t used as social gathering places anymore.

Wait, what?  Libraries still exist?  I thought the Internet would have surely killed them.  My bad.

SIDENOTE: While we await the Instant Cameras’ re-release, why not pick up this camera that logs every moment of your life?  It’s like YouTube meets Twitter!

You know you want it

You know you want it

*Original Dick Tracy Copmobile commercial after the jump Read More

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In My Brain While Sleeping… Battling Princesses

A Princess I Can Get Behind

A Princess I Can Get Behind

Apparently, I’m a thirteen year old girl.  Why else would I have a dream about princesses?  Well, I could understand why I’d have a dream about princesses, but this dream… well, here it goes:

  • There were two Disney-esque princesses – Pink Dress and Light Blue Dress.
  • They were best friends since the were children, and they somehow lived in the same kingdom.  So maybe they weren’t both princesses, but I digress.
  • In their teen years, a rift grew betwixt them (like that verbiage?), and Pink was banished.  Light Blue ruled alone.
  • Pink went away and learned the art of telekinesis*.
  • When she returned to reclaim her position in the kingdom, she used her new power to easily make her way to Light Blue.
  • In the time Pink was gone, Light Blue had built up an army – an army of heavily armed soldiers.  I’m talking like SWAT team style.
  • Pink stood before Light Blue, ready to make peace or make pieces (you see, she had a sword… I should have mentioned that).
  • The soldiers surrounded Pink, ready to fire.
  • Light Blue mocked Pink, stating the futility of her efforts.  She wondered aloud if Pink could stop an onslaught of bullets…
  • Without hesitation, Pink used her telekinesis* to spin the soldiers to face each other and fire.  They dropped like flies.

And I woke up.  At least the princesses were bad asses…

*(What’s the difference between telekinesis and telepathy?  Oh!  Thanks Wikipedia!)

INGREDIENTS: A Tigers win (sniff), a Lions loss (eh), lotsa beer, a couple of burnt hot dogs, and 12 hours sleep.

princess-peach

If you happen to Google Image Search "Princess Peach" or "Princess Toadstool," please enable SafeSearch. You've been warned.

Forget My Birthday – I Want A Princess Memorial Day Barbecue!

This needs to happen stat!  (Why does ‘stat’ mean ‘now?’  Does it even mean ‘now?’)  So let’s get to work and watch this video!

Somebody get sand in Ziplock bags.
Somebody wrap said sand-filled Ziplock bags in purple tissue paper.
Somebody sprinkle fairy dust on the Pretty Pink Pathway.
Where are the pink and purple and white helium balloons?  I specifically asked for pink and purple and white helium balloons!
Why does that creepy announcer dude keep laughing to himself?
I don’t care if your hands are sore from cutting out stars!  We need more stars!
What the fuck is that?  It doesn’t even look like a star!  It looks like a fucking claw!  Gah, you’re worthless!
Stop crying!  You’re giving me a headache!
Seriously, if you don’t shut up – where’s all the breakable stuff, ‘cuz I wanna break something on your head!
Peeper get back here and give me back my GD real tiara!
Is it just me, or Gwendolyn way too into letting Peeper lick icing off her finger?
Who had fairy princess music on their iPod?  Don’t tell me I put on my dancing shoes for naught!
I’ll make a fairly good wager that if ‘king dad’ got hit in the nuts holding that sliding princess piñata, he wouldn’t feel it (‘cuz he’s nutless, you see).
Hurry up baking!  I wanna eat the fuck out of that princess cake.
You want your goody bag of treasures, right?  Candy lipstick and bubbles don’t grow on trees!

(via Everything is Terrible)