monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… Wrong Music, Wrong Movie

This is only my second journey down monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK lane, and as it turns out, this post also takes place in 2004.  I really should have started blogging earlier…

Vindicated? Not quite...

There’s nothing quite like a great theme song.  I’m not talking about the musical score, the likes of which composer John Williams will never miss a beat, I’m sure.

(SIDENOTE: I’m of course being sarcastic.  His new music from Star Wars Episodes I and II is okay at best, as well as his theme for the first Harry Potter movie, but none of them will ever be Jaws, E.T., or Indiana Jones.  (INNER SIDENOTE: I doubt they’ll ever make all those stupid warlock books into movies… they’re on book five already… it has to end sometime…))

No, what I’m talking about is the Eye of the Tiger.  Shaft.  Wind Beneath My Wings.

So what does all this have to do with Spider-Man 2?  It has a crappy theme song.

Chris Carrabba, lead (only?) singer of Dashboard Confessional, wrote this wonder of lyric-fest that just “screams” Spider-Man:

Hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out, the shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in, so mesmerizing and so hypnotizing
I am captivated, I am

CHORUS:
Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right
I swear I’m right, swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore, you saw yourself

So clear like the diamond in your ring, cut to mirror your intention
Over sized and overwhelmed, the shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated and so motivated
I am certain now that I am

CHORUS

So turn up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever

Defense is paper-thin
Just one touch and I’ll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away, so let me slip away
So let me slip away, so let me slip against the current
So let me slip away, so let me slip away
So let me slip away, so let me slip away

CHORUS

Slight hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption

What?!  Does that have to do anything with Spider-Man at all?  It has been rumored (or it’s totally true) that he had another song called I Need a Sure Thing ready to go prior to seeing the completed film, then he had a change of heart and wrote Vindicated in about fifteen minutes.  How would that song have fared?  Well, here are its lyrics:

You are a razor blade
You are precision-cut
You are a stare sharp as the tack in my eye?
At rest in my veins
[Your pulse in my neck?]
As sharp-edged as questions the time I have left
And so you are on my mind.

I need a burning stake
I need a piercing dart
I need something as hot as it is sharp
And I need to bleed
I need to burn
I need a sure thing
I need a sure thing
And you are a mystery to me

You are a paper bird
Folded and folded and creased
And bent and shaped from a five dollar bill
It’s priceless to me
And never spent
It hangs from a ceiling fan over my bed
And so you are on my mind

I need a burning stake
I need a piercing dart
I need something as hot as it is sharp
And I need to bleed
I need to burn
I need a sure thing
And you are a mystery to me

I’ll hang my hopes all at once on a rope
There’s a possibility that this is happening to someone who’s not me
I’ll hold my head
Keep it still and pretend
That these spins and the webs
Are actually desirable

I need a burning stake
I need a piercing dart
I need something as hot as it is sharp
And I need to bleed I need to burn
I need a sure thing
And you are a mystery to me

I’m beginning to think Chris Carrabba doesn’t know the difference between a spider, a vampire, and a Spider-Man.

At least Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott’s Hero from the first Spider-Man film was about a hero coming to save us (or not) and him not staying to wait.  But then again, Macy Gray sang a song in that same movie:

"I tried to walk away but... my contract with Sony kept me here."

In closing, I guess every song can’t be Peter Cetera’s Glory of Love from The Karate Kid II.  That was a perfect match.

(SIDENOTE: It wasn’t a perfect match.  It was originally supposed to be in one of the Rocky films…)

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JusWondering… Do The Kids Even Know What A Record Scratch Is Anymore?

There’s a commercial that plays here in Detroit which uses the record scratch sound to express a shock.   I can’t recall the product or manufacturer to present an example, but for those of you born in the *gulp* 90’s, the sound occurs at the 0:52 mark in this excellent mash-up:

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

And I’m being serious here.  Why would any modern advertisement resort to such an out-dated cliche?  I’m sure the writers thought they were being funny (as I often do and fail miserably), but a record scratch?  A RECORD SCRATCH?

Here’s some other things I’ve been JusWondering about:

1) In the song, Only Wanna Be With You, does Hootie cry about the Miami Dolphins, or about “the dolphins” in general (since he’s friends with “the Blowfish,” you see)?

2) Is l33t speak still called that?  Because it seems kinda like that term’s jumped the shark?

3) Has the term jumped the shark nuked the fridge?

4) Is it just me, or shouldn’t She’s a Beauty totally be a song by Chicago or at least Peter Cetera, instead of The Tubes?  It should have been in Mannequin, too.  (Was it in that?)

Kim Cattrall's finest performance

Kim Cattrall’s stiffest performance

5) Much ballyhoo has been made about Conan O’Brien being a neophyte in L.A., but didn’t he live there when he wrote for The Simpsons?  (Boom!  Research!  He lived there when he wrote for HBO’s Not Necessarily the NewsNo specifics on his home whilst he was on his Homer bender, but I’m still pretty sure he was at least in Hollywood.  Turn that ballyhoo into boo!)

Musical Musings… Happy Birthday “Voices That Care!”

Remember this?

Well, actually yesterday was the 18th birthday of the song Voices That Care, and it is quite the time capsule.  Made originally to raise money for the Red Cross during Operation Desert Storm, it has now, well, let’s reflect on the highlights:

  • Gotta love the flag opening.  Reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crap.  Unfortunately.
  • Celine Dion was just a baby.  I wonder if her creepy-old-manager/husband-to-be was tapping that yet.  (Also, she has kind of that Amy Grant vibe going.  Much better than the future Vegas chest thumping.)
  • Peter Cetera!  Why isn’t he making music anymore?  Am I the only one that wonders where he went?  (Maybe he’s hanging out with Steve Perry.)
  • See Bobby Brown.  See Bobby Brown sing.  See Bobby Brown not get high and smack a ho.
  • Is that dude in the cowboy hat from Warrant?  Yes.  Yes, he is.
  • Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson’s singing voices mesh perfectly with Luther Vandross.  (Actually, all the sports stars have wonderful pipes.)
  • Who’s singing with Garth BrooksAmy Grant or Celine Dion?  Was hair really that big back then?
  • BONUS: More Warrant!  Nope.  It’s just Nelson.  Why is everyone wearing cowboy hats, yet Garth Brooks did not (a true rarity)?
  • Michael Bolton was pretty good in Office Space, doncha think?
  • Will Smith even got to rap.  That tickles my soul.  Isn’t it weird he got his start “rapping,” but now it seems weird to see him rap?
  • One good thing about the arrival of CGI – no more neon coloring on B&W footage (hopefully).
  • The Chorus.  You gotta love the Chorus.  I can’t even begin to dive into the Chorus.  All I have to say is this: Michelle Pfeiffer AND Jon Lovitz.  No?  Fred Savage AND Meryl Streep?  Not enough?  Gary Busey AND Chevy Chase?  Yes.  That awesome. 
  • Wait was Mike Tyson’s arm around Debbie Gibson?  (She was my first concert – at the Sea World in Orlando.)

In my research, I stumbled on this must-see Where Are They Now video.  Check it out.