Awful Battle… Out Of Ideas NBC?

Don’t ask me how it happened, but I watched the ending of Howie Mandel’s new game show, Take It All.  (And Michael Bublé’s Home for the Holidays.  No excuses for that either.  Actually, Elmo was going to be on it, and I wondered if there were going to be any tasteless puns.  I got to hand it to them – there weren’t.)

Anyhowie, the end of Take It All was a hell of a lot (and by hell of a lot, I mean exactly) like an old Game Show Network, um, game show called Friend or Foe? (hosted by the MTV VJ that vocalized keeping her the V-card, Kennedy).

Greed Or Greater Good?

Nothing like a new game show for the holidays.

Essentially, at the game’s end, both players much choose between A or B.  For Take It All, A equaled “Keep Mine” and B equaled “Take It All,” and on Friend or Foe?, A equaled “Friend” and B equaled… I can’t recall.  If both people choose A, both people win.  If both people choose B, both people lose.  If only one chooses A, they win everything.

So apparently, NBC is running with this Take It All mentality with some upcoming shows.

Deception looks a lot like ABC’s Revenge to me.

A girl infiltrates a group pretending to be someone else to get revenge... I mean deceive them.

A girl infiltrates a group pretending to be someone else to get revenge… I mean deceive them. Why? Because rich people are assholes.

Even better, NBC is ripping off their own failed projects, because Do No Harm Done seems a lot like Awake.  Did they just have a bunch of leftover scripts?  (And art department files?)

A guy is living two lives. One splits a twelve hour shift; the other waking and sleeping hours. Which for a pothead is twelve hours. Neither of these is about a pothead.

Each one is about a guy is living two lives. One splits a twelve-hour shift between his dual lives; the other splits waking and sleeping hours. Which for a pothead is twelve hours each. Neither of these is about a pothead.

“The Shot” To Just Sh–ty… NBC’s Up All Night

I’ve mentioned my television viewing rules before, but here I go again.

TV DRAMAS RULE: I will not watch a new drama in its first year (because it might get cancelled).

I followed that rule with Justified (WIN!) and LOST (fuck LOST), but not American Horror Story (fuck AHS… but not as much as LOST).  With sitcoms, the rule is even simpler:

TV COMEDIES RULE: Watch… if funny, repeat.

So that brings us to this show:

This show is not following the promise of its premise. (<----writer's lingo)

WHY I GAVE THIS  SHOW “THE SHOT”

Well, to begin:

  1. Will Arnett
  2. Christina Applegate

Both of them deserve a chance to be on another decent show, and I thought the “cool couple have to adjust to be cool parents” wasn’t the stupidest idea out there.  So why not?  The remainder of the cast didn’t hurt/help either (Maya Rudolph’s okay, and Scientologist former skateboarder Jason Lee showed up for a while).

WHY I DECLARE THIS SHOW AS “JUST SHITTY”

Applegate’s Reagan isn’t likeable.  And I’m not saying likeable is required.  The casts of Seinfeld, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development, and even Friends featured some unlikable members.  But you still liked them despite the distaste they left in your mouth.  And I don’t think it’s Applegate’s fault.  (Well one thing is… I hate her stupid baby name necklace.)

Ick.

No, I blame show creator Emily Spivey.  They always say “write what you know,” so to me, this former SNL scribe fancies herself quite the privileged producer that’s entitled to have it all – just like Reagan.

The biggest moment that turned me off the show was an episode in which they were flying to a wedding with the baby.  They had a plan that involved them sitting together, and upon finding out they couldn’t, she threw a fit and hassled the woman at the reservation guest because she didn’t get her way.  As she walked off, she disconnected the retractable straps that compose the queue.  Was I supposed to be on her side?!  Because all I thought was fuck her,  Even the neighbors they hate that we’re supposed to hate makes them look callous.

In closing, I wish the show this premiered along with lasted.  Free Agents was way more interesting… and adult.

Awful/Awesome Battle… I Dare You To Watch One And I Hope You Enjoy The Other

If you can make it all the way through 35+ minutes of this, you will no doubt be rewarded with some humor, but you may also be rewarded much fatigue.

If you watch it in its entirety, please comment below, and point out which of the 100 ways to love a cat are the funniest.

I’ll admit it – I’ve only jumped around.  35 minutes is about 34 minutes too long for a YouTube video to me.  But of what I have seen, I chortled…

On the other hand, this show debuts as a midseason replacement on NBC, and it reeks of potential, if that’s a polite thing to say.  I know it’s four minutes longer than my usual liking, but after trying the above video out, it didn’t seem so bad.

Plus, Olivia Munn is purdy.

The only question that remains – if Perfect Couples premieres on Thursdays, does that mean my Parks and Recreation won’t be coming back?

Happy Find… Jimmy Fallon’s “7th Floor West”

Tonight is the sixth season premiere of The Hills, and I hate to admit this but the show fascinates me.

It’s not like a car wreck or guilty pleasure kind of thing… The best analogy I can think of is that it’s hypnotic like a campfire.

You watch the flames move around without rhyme, reason, or purpose, sucking in the oxygen, destroying that from which it springs.  When two logs strike each other, sparks fly.  It makes you feel warm and fuzzy because you know you’re safe, and far from burning in the random pointlessness of the hot embers.  You enjoy marshmallows on chocolate in between graham crackers.

That’s exactly what watching The Hills is like.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Hulu – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: …“, posted with vodpod

And that’s the very essence that Late Night With Jimmy Fallon captures in their spoof series, 7th Floor West.  So grab some mini marshmallows and a box of Teddy Grahams and click the image to link to the campyfire that is Jimmy Fallon’s 7th Floor West (all the episodes):

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Awful Battle… Only In Japan, Man, Only In Japan

I don’t know what else to say. 

Once you’ve seen a baby-faced crotch shoot a missile at a robot, a cartoon of a man drinking fresh breast milk from a human women farm, and a TV show centered around super-powered boobs (I’m not talking about NBC’s Heroes), there can only be three words left to share:

AWFUL BATTLE – GO!

Vodpod videos no longer available.  

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Hibbidy-Wah?! Did That Alien Just Urinate Smoke?!

What do you call a rip-off that doesn’t even try?

Or how about Turkey’s E.T. rip-off called Badi.  You can tell the film’s called Badi because Badi keeps saying “Badi” just like how E.T. used to keep saying “E.T.” 

Am I right or am I right or am I right?

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Dreamy Episode Of 30 Rock

This dream unfolded as an episode of 30 Rock.  I shall try to capture it for you.

INT. WRITER’S ROOM – DAY AFTER SHOW

lizlemon

 

 

Last night’s skit about President Obama was a success.  All the trades are talking about it.

toofer

 

 

They’re not speaking positively about it Liz.  You said he was a member of the Illuminati.

lizlemon

 

 

We were poking fun at the fact that every president is in the Illuminati.  We don’t want to appear left-winged all the time.  Besides, the Illuminati doesn’t even exist.  I don’t even know what they’re all about.

tracyjordan

 

 

(running into room, disguised not necessarily as a ninja)Did you hear?  An eight year-old blogger was assassinated uptown because he said he didn’t like the president’s new dog.

lizlemon

 

 

That’s ridiculous, Tracey.  Obama would never do that… would… he…

INT. JACK’S OFFICE

Tracey and Liz visit Jack to discuss the possibility of danger.

jack-donaghy

 

 

The both of you don’t really believe the conspiracy theory that the Illuminati exists, do you?  Let alone the possibility that our latest president could be a part of that organization?  And that he would be willing to assassinate bloggers?

tracyjordan

 

 

Eight year-old bloggers.

 

jack-donaghy

 

 

Tell you what.  To appease you both and to provide a sense of safety, why don’t we get that makeup artist in here…

lizlemon

 

 

The one that turned Tracey into Robery Downey, Jr?

 

jack-donaghy

 

 

Yes, that one.  He–

 

Jack’s office window suddenly shatters and Tracey and Liz flee, screaming.  Jack picks up a found golf ball.

jack-donaghy

 

 

Moonves, isn’t it a bit early for building tee off?

 

INT. TOOFER’S APARTMENT

lizlemon

 

 

Wow, Toofer… this is a really nice place for the salary we’re paying you.

toofer

 

 

It didn’t come equipped with windows.  That’s how I can afford it on my salary.  And your welcome, for letting you stay here.

tracyjordan

 

 

(eating food out of Toofer’s fridge) Thank you.

 

INT. JACK’S OFFICE

Liz and Tracey try various hiding places while Jack talks to them.

jack-donaghy

 

 

A week has passed, and no serious threats have been made against your lives.  Can you finally admit that there is no Illuminati?

Liz and Tracey finally stand up and face him.

lizlemon

 

 

Yes.  Yes, we can.

 

black-phone

 

 

(Anonymous voice from speaker phone) That’s sufficient.

 

robert-downey-jr

 

 

You know Jack, Liz and I have learned a lot from this experience.  Like not to jump to conclusions when eight year-old bloggers get assassinated.  And how to make pumpkin pies.  Toofer is a great chef and teacher.

THE END