Hibbidy-Wah?! Loco Local Kids Show

Not the picture I set out to find, but a joy nonetheless.

I’ve searched, and I’ve searched, and I’ve searched for some things on the web that I thought I would never find.

Two such misses, and one hit:

1) There was a radio ad for Orange Crush that was so ridiculous it would be redonkulous.  In it, two terrible voice actors try to sound like hip high-schoolers, and these things happen:

  • They both talk about watching one of their moms work out
  • They refer to Orange Crush as OC
  • The friend hints that he wants to bang his friend’s mom

And that’s just the tip of the slimy iceberg, written in the corporate Poochie kind of thinking.  Fitness MILF’s – check.  Slang terms – check.  Dumb sounding high schoolers – check…  

Pick your Poochie

Every time I heard it, I wished I had a quicker record feature on my phone, or that my blog was famous so I could sic my fans on the TripleDoubleU to track this down.  

2) There’s a local plastic surgeon that had a fantastic commercial on TV for a while.  In it, the announcer explained all the feats he was capable of performing, and the camera zoomed in and swirled around him and his folded arms.  He nodded his head at each accomplishment in complete amazement and agreement.  The best part – he was floating in the sky.But alas, he has one TV ad on his website, and this one it ain’t.

3) This one I found.  Even though it’s heart is in the right place, the show’s format would make Tim and Eric jealous.  It’s entitled K.E.Y.S. Kids, and it is a low-budget trip fest.  To begin, K.E.Y.S. is an acronym for Kids Enjoy Your Selves, which basically makes the full title Kids Enjoy Your Selves Kids.

Is anyone else terrified?

You must check out the opening of the show, available at the bottom of this page.  When I was a kid, this was the local offering:

Well, I guess that’s just as trippy…

(Orange Crush doodle via The Jlog)

InASense, Lost… HotMilk Lingerie

The film American Pie introduced the world to a couple of notable items:

  • Stiffler

    Guess what four-letter word he's thinking of...

    Guess what four-letter word he's thinking of...

  • Shitbreak

    Who hasn't been there on a Sunday morning?

    Who hasn't been there on a Sunday morning?

  • A horrific connection to apple pie (no image necessary)
  • And the concept of MILF’s (courtesy of Stiffler’s Mom)

That film came out eons ago, so I’m left to wonder… why does this commercial trouble me so?  (The ending kind of freaks me out.)

Now I know it’s not as horrible as a dick hole in a pie, and maybe I’m being unenlightened by thinking this, but why do things keep breaking in that video?  Is her stomach knocking up over shit?  Is she crazy?  Isn’t that dangerous to have an expectant mother in heels walking around smashed glass?

So many questions…

InASense, Lost… Zack Morris And I Used To Be Friends… Were To!

I had several idols growing up…

  • From the Detroit Tigers, there were Champ Summers and Lance Parrish
  • From the movies, there were Luke Skywalker and Han Solo Indiana Jones
  • And from TV, there were Alex P. Keaton, Mike Seaver, and Zack Morris

Because of my heroes from the Tigers, I’ve always felt at home in the outfield or behind home plate.  Because of Luke and Indy, I learned to stand up for what’s right, and still do, whether if it’s my friends (and the galaxy far, far away) that are in trouble or if there’s an artifact that belongs in a museum. 

But with TV – that glorious, nuturing glass nipple – I’m not sure if everything’s the same. 

I was a Conservative Republican in my youth because of Marty McFly Alex P. Keaton.  Not only was President Reagan keeping us “safe” from global nuclear disaster, Michael J. Fox’s character on Family Ties knew a thing or two about money… and what kid doesn’t like money?  Since then, I’ve become more of a political moderate, and money is not the end all I thought it once was (I can get candy and toys whenever I want, you see).

Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...

Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...

While I looked up to Mike Seaver, I never got into The Boss or harassed either of my sisters into anorexia like he did.  I’m not sure what I admired him for except for his confidence (and his MILF… and his WILF), but it sure as hell wasn’t his beliefs

When it comes to Zack Morris, it’s a little bit different, though.  We were both in high school at the same time.  He was a likable kid that couldn’t quite get the cool and pretty Kelly Kapowski.  I was going through the same thing in my mind life with a girl I had a crush on. 

But how is he different from Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis, one might ask?  My response: he was believableZack Morris, even with his time-outs and asides, seemed like a kid you could know, and the credit for that goes to Mark-Paul Gosselaar.  That’s why whenever he gets more chances to move on in his career, I applaud him, like when he was in NYPD Blue or in Raising the Bar, or last night on…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

 

Never mind.

A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto? Sounds About Right

For anyone that cares, Sarah Palin is a GILF that’s now a GILF (if you’re into governors and grandmas, that is).

Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Saturday, according to People Magazine (via AOL News).  The dad, Wrangler Johnston, or whatever blue jeans he’s named after, is probably somewhere with his hand stuck in a pickle jar because his fist is closed around the last dill, and he still hasn’t realized that’s why it’s stuck.

Considering the imaginative names of the Palin brood – Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig – Tripp isn’t that creative.  It’s a verb, for Sarah’s version of Jesus’ sake… not a name.

Anagram for Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston = A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto

A joke (I made up): 

Hey, what’s that girl’s name over there? 

Who?  Georgia?

No.

Virginia?

No.

Carolina?  Dakota?

Ah, forget it.  I’ll just go over there and Alaska. 

*bad-da-boom-cha!*

What's the difference?

Close enough.