JusWondering

JusWondering… Why Do I Hate These Commercials So?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Luckily, I have a DVR.  But sometimes, I catch commercials anyway.  These two drive me up the wall when I see them.  I’ll try to explain why in a minute:

Wanna know the simplest reason?  They’re not marketed to me.  Not in the slightest.

The Citi Thank You Premier credit card spot called Accessories plays up the angle that women usually buy things like belts, nylons, and shoes… except in this case, these “accessories” are climbing gear.  And the “rock” she wants isn’t in a ring – it’s in a canyon.  You might think the unconventional lady stuff is what annoys me, but it’s not.  It’s the rock climbing!  I don’t see the purpose!  She gets to the top, and then what?  You climb back down?  No Thank You, Citi.

As for the iPhone campaign, sometimes they hit.  This teen-targeted one is a miss.  To begin, I hate Siri.  She’s virtual and virtually useless.  To continue, when the kid says “I got to get a guitar,” Siri pulls up this screen:

First surprise - Siri worked?!

Where in the world are there twelve musical stores that close to you?!  Call this one rock bottom.

(SIDENOTE: Here’s a crazy Reese’s Pieces advertisement in the style of crazy Skittles commercials that erases the above two migraine-inducers…)

JusWondering… Might I Drive To Ohio For This?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve dreamed of this day.  I mean it, I’ve literally dreamed of this day.  And did I call when it would roll out or what?  I’m going all caps (and bold and underline and centered) for this.

TACO BELL 

WILL BE SERVING BREAKFAST

IN 800 LOCATIONS!

Does that come in a Big Box or as a Meal Deal, please?

I can’t believe the day is just about here…

The only problem I see is that it’s not happening here… in Michigan.

I can’t say that I won’t be driving to Toledo as soon as I find out if they’re already serving it there.

I’ve already contemplated driving back to Kentucky for some chili cheese burritos…

Welcome to First Meal

JusWondering… What Does 37 Mean To Me?

Posted on by sgottahurt

So like I JusWondered above:

What does 37 mean to me?

Perhaps an old Michelle Pfeiffer film?

It also starred Peter Gallagher.

Perhaps mutant Detroit Tigers’ pitcher Max Scherzer?

He's a better pitcher than a belly itcher.

Perhaps a rather blue scene from the black-and-white film Clerks?

Oh, wait.  I remember.  That’s how old I am now.

This is about right.

JusWondering… How Should We End This Movie? With A Dance!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I just finished watching Gnomeo & Juliet (it’s a new release on Netflix streaming and I was just testing out my new Blu-Ray player and I picked this and I ended up sticking to it no excuses… it was highly entertaining and pun-derful), but something about the ending bothered me.

It ended with a stupid dance scene.

I don’t know where the idea for this cop out ending began, but the last time I noticed it was during the end of Despicable Me (I watched this one on a long flight to Prague no excuses).  This was the first dance scene that really bothered me because it seemed to be an answer to the question posted above – how should we end this movie?

(SIDENOTE: This is how…)

When the live action version of Alice in Wonderland came out, there was a lot of brouhaha over this ending (amongst other things).  For the record, I’ve not yet never seen this movie:

So did this start the trend?  Let’s see if there were any others before these (I will not count dancing during the credits):

  • Shrek 
  • Robots
  • Shrek 2
  • Megamind
  • Rio
But hey!  Those are all Dreamworks films!  That’s like picking on them for their Dreamworks faces!

Okay, well to be fair, here are some live-action, non-musical, non-credit dance number endings:

  • Beetlejuice
  • The 40-Year-Old Virgin
  • Hitch

Even though this walk down memory lane hasn’t really produced an answer, I have a theory.  Beetlejuice is the oldest one on here, and the scene fits in with the rest of the movie’s universe, so I could probably discount it for the film I truly lay the blame on… There’s Something About Mary and the infectious (in every sense of the word), Build Me Up Buttercup:

(SIDENOTE: I’ve always found this Farrelly Brothers’ flick to be overrated.  Also, I had never heard The Foundations ode to Legos-shaped flowers (build… buttercup… ha!) before, and people picked on me for that.  Plus, I worked at Circuit Shitty at the time of DIVX, and it was claimed at the time that TSAM was partly to blame for its demise.  Apparently, 20th Century Fox released it on DIVX earlier than DVD, and DVD owners were pissed you had to have a “special format” to watch the movie a week or two earlier, and wrote angry letters to Fox.  Not that I was on the DIVX gravy train or anything, but there’s something to TSAM’s ruining everything!)

*end rant*

(help from here)

JusWondering… Why Does This Commercial Make Me Talk To My TV?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Normally, television commercials are skipped by me with the simple press of a button.  Especially when they are ads like this shitty local one (I didn’t even want to post it here, so you’ll have to click on those words).

But this commercial…

I don’t know what it is about it…

I can’t seem to skip past it.

And to top it off, I actually talk to my TV while it’s on!  So strange…

(SIDENOTE: But not as strange as what’s in the lower right hand-corner of this screen.)

JusWondering… Why Did I Stop Watching These TV Sitcoms?

Posted on by sgottahurt

cosby show that 70's show who's the boss roseanne boy meets world home improvement malcolm in the middle

T.G.I.Must.C.U.L8R.TV.

It’s weird that throughout my life there were so many shows I was at one point all about, then one day suddenly, I was none about.

Let’s examine this collection of programs that I enjoyed watched weekly until I didn’t:

THE FAMILY SHOWS

I watched all seven seasons of both Family Ties (when Andy was long in the tooth and Nick was out-moron-ing Mallory) and Growing Pains (Leo DiCaprio as a homeless kid ring any bells?), and I’m pretty sure I stuck through all eight seasons of Full House for some reason (when it really was a full house after Uncle Jesse and Becky had twins).

These… I didn’t:

  • The Cosby Show (’84-’92)
  • Who’s the Boss? (’84-’92)
  • Roseanne (’88-’97)
  • Home Improvement (’91-’99)
  • Boy Meets World (’93-’00)
  • That 70’s Show (’98-’06)
  • Malcolm in the Middle (’00-’06)

What’s odd is that most of these shows made it to eight seasons, just like The Office has this year.  If I didn’t haven’t my Parks and Recreation and Community, I might have given up on what’s hopefully The Office’s last season.  So why did I stop watching those shows?  Outgrowing them is the likely culprit, but it could be cast and concept changes.

THE OFFBEAT SITCOMS

These are the shows I simply stopped because I wasn’t feelin’ it any more (or main characters were killed in real life – RIP Phil Hartman):

  • My Name is Earl (changed story focus)
  • Grounded for Life (changed format)
  • Titus (got dark)
  • Newsradio (see above)
  • Just Shoot Me (got boring? I don’t remember…)
  • Reno 911! (the movie turned me off)
  • Scrubs (season 9 sucked)

THE OBVIOUS QUITS I SHOULD HAVE QUIT MUCH EARLIER

  • Frasier
  • Mad About You
  • The Drew Carey Show
  • Dharma and Greg
  • Coach

And of course, there’s…

THE KING OF SHOWS I STOPPED WATCHING

  • The Simpsons

JusWondering… Am I The Show Killer?

Posted on by sgottahurt

One won; one lost.

Every season on network television, new shows come and new shows go.  That’s why I made a vow long ago to wait until the second season before I get involved in anything shiny.

This worked with LOST.  Although I wish that I waited until it was all over to ask if it was planned out like I had hoped, or completely made up as it went along, like so many accused it of doing.  (It was fucking made up, by the way.)

This hasn’t worked with Fringe, though.  I am currently so far behind, I’m willing to let it end and have someone tell me if it was worth it or not.  I’m not going through another LOST scenario, if I can help it.

Here are some other shows I skipped in its first run, which were inevitably cancelled:

  • Firefly
  • Invasion
  • FlashForward
  • V (this did make it to two season, technically, but it only ran for a total of 22 episodes)
  • Jericho
Here’s one show I broke my rule on and should have skipped in its first run:
  • Heroes

What’s not really that interesting to note is these are all sci-fi shows.  Not a drama or comedy in the bunch.  To be fair, I really don’t watch dramas, and the comedies I watch are weird, so I don’t expect them to be on more than a year (with the exception of Undeclared… that should have had a longer run).

So this year, I tacked on a few new shows: Up All Night, Free Agents, and The Playboy Club.  I felt lucky after adding one new network show last year (Raising Hope).  Two of the three are already gone (Up All Night has thus far evaded the axe).

I thought Free Agents was a smart relationship comedy with solid talents attached; The Playboy Club was stylish and sort of interesting, with plenty of cheese to spare.  (Okay, I only watched it because of Amber Heard.)  In both of these shows defense, they were trying something different… unlike the horrible Whitney and even worse 2 Broke Girls.  I would try to watch these to get them cancelled, but it’s already too late to end them early…

Perhaps I can prevent a second year… (Who am I kidding!?  They’re both too terrible to watch!)

I've seen funnier billboards than this billboard AND show.

JusWondering… Why Is There Still No Film About Moe Norman?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t read as much as I should, and I don’t follow as many sports now as I may one day in my life.  But the convergence of those two facts lands as straight as one of his shots on Moe Norman:

That's Moe, mo' or less...

He’s a Canadian golfer that has a couple of books written about him, but the Wayne Gretzky-produced movie based on his life has yet to see the light.

Check out this video about him:

It’s supposed to be titled Dance the Green, but I have some other suggestions:

  • “Pipeline” (that’s his nickname, so it’s an obvious one)
  • “Teed Off” (sounds like too much of a comedy, although the film would likely be comical)
  • “UnderMoe” (underdog pun meets undertow rhyme)
  • “Golden Tee” (people might think it’s based on the video game, ergo, go and see it)

My best suggestion would have to be this one:

  • “Who is Moe Norman?”

JusWondering… What Song Titles Would Make Really Good Movie Titles?

Posted on by sgottahurt

What do Roy Orbison, Neil Sedaka, and Phil Phillips all have in common, other than you probably have no idea who they are?

They have nothing to do with this movie, that's for sure.

Guessing that they’re all singers is the cheap answer; the real answer is that they’ve all had movies named after their songs: Phillips’ Sea of Love, Sedaka’s Calendar Girl, and Orbison’s Pretty Woman and Only the Lonely.  (I was going to add Huey Lewis and The News to that mix, but I don’t believe Jacob’s Ladder: The Movie was named after Jacob’s Ladder: The Song.)

So I started JusWondering, what other song titles could make good movie titles?

The year is 2053.  God is dead.  Only a handful of sentries can hold the world in balance, and they are… the Karma Police.

From the producers of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, here comes Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand… starring whoever is the next Jim Carrey in a serious role, or a twit Brit like Hugh Grant.

The long-awaited sequel to Al Pacino’s 1975 classic, Dog Day Afternoon.  Follow Sonny Wortzik’s life after prison, and Leon Shermer (Chris Sarandon) as a woman.

Look!  In the air!  Is it a bird?  Is it another flying animal that makes musical noises?  It’s Piano Man!

The video for this song is already like a movie:

(SIDENOTE: Did you know Ryan Gosling’s latest, Drive, is named after the Incubus song?  Did you know I made that up?)

JusWondering… Why Did Rappers Pick Those Names?

Posted on by sgottahurt

What do these two items have in common?

They are the very items that Tracy Marrow and O’Shea Jackson chose to name themselves after.

"We like our beverages very cold!"

Everyone knows what Ice-T and Ice Cube were like back-in-the-day, and what they are like now-in-the-day.

Ice-T is James Bonding; Ice Cube is family bonding.

I just think it’s strange that in the earliest stages of their careers, they chose to name themselves after the above items.

old school mr t

Or in Ice-T's case, maybe this guy.

I was thinking if they wanted to there are plenty of other ice names they could have went with:

  • Ice Corpse
  • Ice Knife
  • Ice Bullet
  • Ice Rink

Okay, maybe they are all that great, but what would you think of this music group:

vanilla ice strawberry shortcake tay zonday

Neo-POP-litan!