james bond

JusWondering… Sequels With Lady Problems

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve noticed a trend in sequels to popular films, and it’s one that I consider an exercise in lazy screenwriting.  Heh… exercise… lazy…

Anywheredidshego, where did she go?  To me, the writers couldn’t develop the characters’ relationships further, so they broke them in order to fix them again, to varying degrees of suck-cess.

  • Bill Murray seemed to be with Sigourney Weaver at the end of Ghostbusters, and then she (well, her character Dana) went and had a baby with someone else.
  • Sure, Bruce Willis and Bonnie Bedelia wouldn’t have won couple of the year in Die Hard, but by Die Harder, they seemed to have worked out all their kinks.  In Die Hard with a Vengeance, the kinks won.
  • Orlando and Kiera’s love Bloom-ed, um, Knightley in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.  In the second, they didn’t get married and fought only to draw out a boring plot point for two films.
  • Nick Cage found whatever it was he found in the first National Treasure; Diane Kruger was his booby prize.  Then repeat the above, but place a “2” before the semicolon.
  • The Night at the Museum sequel doesn’t even begin to explain what happened between Carla Gugino and Ben Stiller, just so they could get to (hot?) Amelia Earhart’s doppelgänger, Amy Adams. What is this movie really… Mannequin 3: Skies the Limit?

Actually, I’m going to carry on with my Night at the Museum tirade.  It’s not like he’s Austin Powers or James Bond, picking up new ladies every flick…

Actually again, James Bond has loved Vesper Lynd for two movies so far.  One can imagine that every woman he bangs from here on out would be in an attempt to mask his pain of loving her too much.  He probably would still be with her if she didn’t, you know, die.

So in closing, writers do yourself a favor and imitate the always excellent Transformers series – instead of blowing the relationship up, blow shit up!

This scene could be from either movie.

Drunken Recollection… DrunkWonderings

Posted on by sgottahurt

While boozing with my fellow booze hounds not to long ago, a few wonderings popped in my head.  These are them (is that proper English or proper drunk-speak?):

1) As a child, I was a fan of the wrong film series.

"I've made a huge mistake."

For most of my life, it’s been Star Wars all the way for me, baby.  And as an (alleged) adult, I’ve paid for it dearly, both figuratively and literally.

  • Figuratively… in the sense that James Bond would have fostered my inner Lothario, as opposed to Luke Skywalker inspiring my inner whiny “hero.”  (Granted, I could have looked to Han Solo, but he didn’t have a lightsaber and couldn’t use the Force.)
  • Literally… in the sense that I spent way too much fucking money on toys in a bid to recapture my lost youth.

On the other hand, if I had idolized Agent 007, I might have lived a life of danger (both in and out of the bedroom), but definitely his love of gadgetry would one day complement mine.

2) I should have picked different friends.

"Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"

Some of my friends I’ve known since I was four years old.  And at times I’m left to wonder, what does a kid know?  I already mentioned that I chose to make Luke Skywalker my hero and not James Bond when I was a young ‘un.  The incident that triggered this thought:

  • A friend-that-shall-go-unnamed-(though-he-knows-who-he-is) ran around Hooters getting the entire staff to sign the calendar he purchased for his toddler son.  Although one girl was clever (and inappropriate).  She wrote:

May your dreams be wet, and your diapers stay dry.  (Or something like that.)

  • To be honest, it was the gayest heterosexual thing I’ve ever witnessed.

3) Why does twelve seem like it’s a plural form of twelf, like how it is with pants and pant?

4) If going “number one” and “number two” means what they mean, what would going “number three” on up represent?

BONUS SOBER WONDERING, WHICH I GUESS SHOULD BE A JusWondering:

Why can’t I stop watching this video?

Here’s the shortened version for a maximized quick hit:

Drunken Recollection… Bible Thumping, Veggie Trumping, And Movie Pumping

Posted on by sgottahurt

Some of the conversations the crew and I have had over brews lately make me feel like I should be running my sister’s sister-site, SomethingKnew.  On her page, she goes over all the new things she learns every day – mine are things I learn over every beer.

  • Which Testament of the Bible has more books (at least according to what us Roamin’ Catholics were taught)?  We honestly had no idea, but courtesy of the TripleDoubleU on my new iPhone, there are 46 books in the Old Testament vs. 27 books in the New Testament.  The number I have heard of from both?  Maybe 30 (I didn’t feel like counting).  The number I have read?  Zero.
  • Carotene is found in carrots.  Carotene?  Carrots!  Is there bananatene in bananas?  Does Ovaltine come from ovals (sorry about the Seinfeld rip)?  Perhaps teenatene is what causes youngsters to turn emo (because it’s like the stuff in onions that makes you cry)?  Okay, I’m done.

    Teenatene was first discovered by German scientists.

    Teenatene was first discovered by German scientists.

  • What is the longest running film series?  I didn’t want to include James Bond because I figured it was automatically the longest at 22 films.  Research lead me to this: a lot people argue about this.  Some consider the length to start from the first in the series; some count every incarnation.  Many webheads reference different foreign film series that are unknown to me, so I’ve decided the second longest series is this:
    Part 14 will be "roaring" into stores this year.
    Part 14 will be “roaring” into stores this year.

    And the third longest is this:

    Part 10 will be "pulling your strings" soon!
    Part 10 will be “pulling your strings” soon!

    (Friday the 13th could be argued for hitting 12 films, but that series is dead to me.)

Did He Just Say James “Siberius” Kirk? Don’t They Do More Than One Take?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Vodpod videos no longer available.Seeing as how I was supposed to get to see this preview attached to “Quantum of Solace” this past weekend, and seeing as how I didn’t get to see said preview for some quantum of a reason, I present it to you here.  Y’know, in case you didn’t get to see it too.  (It’s the new “Star Trek” movie, dummy!)

more about ““, posted with vodpod

 

 

Man, I seriously wanted some James (Bond) on James (Kirk) action!  O&BTW – the flick looks beautiful. 

No, no, don’t kick me in the nards for saying that! Uumph! (keels over)

(via Buzz Cuts)

R.I.P. Zima, We Hardly Knew Ya

Posted on by sgottahurt

In a bold decision no one could have ever seen coming (mostly because most people didn’t know it was still around), MillerCoors is pulling the plug on its popular party starter, Zima.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the marketing department poured their forties on Zima’s grave mostly due to a weakness in the “malternative” segment of the population (apparently, they succumb to pressure when tickled).

Caffeinated Sparks will be picking up where Zima left off… as the last thing on Earth I’m reaching for when I need to get a drink on.

"I'll miss you with all my heart," she sighs, "Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend's bonfire..."

“I’ll miss you with all my heart,” she sniffled.  “Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend’s bonfire… his band Bond Jovi is playing.  They dress up like 007 and play cover songs…  Look at me, blubbering…”