In My Brain While Sleeping… An Invention Already Invented, Dammit

I suppose it’s quite possible that I saw this somewhere in my past, but I don’t recall for sure.

Nonetheless, I had a dream that I invented a product 95% similar to this and awakened so pleased I thought I had struck gold.  Unfortunately, the portable turntable already exists, and it’s USB powered to boot!

Dream spun me round, right round, like a record...

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Drunken Recollection… An Invention, A Lesson, And A Sober Realization

THE INVENTION

Free-serve beer spouts, like they have in fast food restaurants.  You could purchase a $25 glass and have at it.  The wait staff might love it or hate it, so it should be test marketed here first.  Preferably at a bar close to my home.

Fountain of Booze

THE LESSON

Don’t drink Guinness through a straw.  It looses the taste.  Although it is cute when you make a stupid joke about doing so, and the waitress follows through by bringing your next stout with a spout.

Not to be confused with chocolate milk

THE SOBER REALIZATION

“Fountain Dew” tastes really good sometimes.  That’s the Mountain Dew you get out of the fountain, if I’ve lost your attention in this complicated post.  It happens most often at Taco Bell.  Sometimes at KFC and Arby’s.  Never at Subway.  Because I hate Subway.  Fuck Subway.  I could make those sandwiches at home.

JusWondering… Mothers of Invention: Necessity, Giraffes, And Crappy SUV Drivers

Keeps the giraffes out in winter, thought I as a child.

Keeps the giraffes out in winter, thought I as a child.

I love infomercials, and I’m not ashamed of admitting that.  Considering I’m in the minority of people in this country that do not have cable or satellite TV (I technically do not have wireless Internet access either… but my neighbor does), I’m stuck with the six channels my antenna can get.  When I’m getting in late from the bar, infomercials are all I have.

(Now I know digital TV broadcasting doubles if not triples my options, but I’d still rather get snowy images than blocky screen freezes and “no signal founds” until February 17th, thank you very much.  And yes, I still use a VCR.)
Anyflobee, my point is this: people of America – there are still things to invent.  Take this recent discovery of mine… the Twin Draft Guard.  How fucking simple, yet no one until now has put pen to pad (and contacted InventHelp.com) and released it on the market.
I mean, I’ve had my share of ideas, as have my friends.
Like, for instance, um, I always wondered why gas stations didn’t have electronic signs, then boom!
Ah, remember those prices 4yrs ago... and 4wks ago...

Ah, remember those prices 4yrs ago... and 4wks ago...

My buddy, Jay, always thought they should have a faster way of paying for fast food, like a stick.  (He loves his fast food and paying with credit cards.)  Then Mobil showed up with the SpeedPass, and now more and more cards have RFID devices in them to speed things up.
Nifty vid:
I also know people who “invented” things like taco holders and glasses clips.  My dad made these for our house before there was even “The Club” for cars:
Does not work on doors made of glass... trust me on this one.

Does not work on doors made of glass... trust me on this one.

 My second confession on this post: I’m an idiot.  On this site, I’ve already gave away restaurant ideas and movie ideas.  I’m serious about the movie idea (original post here and announcement here).  Here’s a humdinger I want put into production immediately: The Asshole Blaster (okay, maybe a name change is required a name change is definitely required).

The idea is as simple as the Twin Draft Guard: it’s potato gun-type device that launches sticky slimeballs with declarations on them, like DOOSH or IDYUT (this guywould totally get IDYUT).  I thought of it during the recent snowfalls we had, and how people drive like physics don’t apply to their vehicle because they drive an SUV or a truck.  I saw more SUV’s and trucks in ditches and up shoulders than anything else.  This would be my prize slimeball for them:

N UR FACE!

N UR FACE!