I recently got rooked into Facebook by way of a Gmail link-up, and I have to be honest… it’s kind of dumb. As I look at everybody making statements and people commenting on them and liking them… it’s kind of dumb. I might be biting the hand that feeds, though, especially now since I’m on the CIA’s grid.
Via the awesome and layered Onion News Network:
There’s a new flick riding into town next week entitled The Lincoln Lawyer:
I didn't get the name 'til seeing the poster. Thanks, Poster.
It’s based on a book (Hey Poster, now that we’re buddies, you got my back on this one, right? Cool…), and if I learned anything in all my years as a writer is you need to make your characters’ names unique. They need to stand apart from each other.
(SIDENOTE: Yes, I am an as-yet-unpublished writer, aside from this blog. The reason I’m not published isn’t because I haven’t finishing anything I’m completely happy with yet… It’s because I have authoritis.
*bows head* *tips hat*
Pardon the interpuntion.)
For example, use names like Mickey, Ted, and Louis. As a reader, these names can’t be quickly mixed up.
(SIDENOTE: How pretentious is Author! Michael Connelly for naming his main character Mickey? That’d be like George Lucas naming his main character George Skywalker instead of — oh…)
So it’s left me wondering why in the backseat of a Lincoln would the film’s producers cast three (sandy) blonde-haired, blue-eyed guys that look very similar in the same movie? You get not only Matther McConaughey as Mickey, but Josh Lucas as Ted, and Ryan Phillippe as Louis:
Three Peas in Courtroom Thriller
The only actor missing is this guy:
He's been voted, "Most Likely to Have You Naked by the End of a Song."
Because The Lincoln Lawyer already has this guy:
Nope. Doesn't count. He has green eyes.
This is almost a post I don’t want to do. It’s not that I don’t want to do it… It’s more that I shouldn’t.
And it’s not even that I shouldn’t… It’s just that, well, how about I stop beating around the bush…
This was not cut out by scissoring.
It’s about the company name up above.
I was recently watching someone playing the Pittsburgh Penguins at home, and my trained eye caught an ad in the Mellon Arena for Trib Total Media. Who in their right mind would name their company that? Who wouldn’t stop them and tell them what it’s short for?! I covered this in one of my earliest posts, and I’m still not comfortable explaining it! That’s why my lips are sealed!
So I guess that’s why this was a post I didn’t want to do… because I didn’t want it to rub anyone the wrong way.
I barely remember hearing about the upcoming Gnomeo & Juliet, except that it was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet using lawn decorations, and featuring music by Sir Elton John. Oh. That’s exactly what it is.
At the start of the preview, when the Touchstone Pictures logo popped up, I thought:
Why isn’t this a Disney release? (see above header)
Because Touchstone is Disney, you see. So I started thinking:
Maybe it’s a PG-13 release aimed at an older audience.
After all, that is why Disney created the thunderbolt off-shoot in the first place. But no. It’s rated G. And it’s the first of all Touchstone Pictures to be rated so low. (It’s only their second animated feature, to boot. The other is The Nightmare Before Christmas.)
Well, how was I going to get to the bottom of this? What rhymes with stickymedia?
Initially, the film was going to be produced by Disney Feature Animation, but was shut down by its new chief, John Lasseter, after the Pixar acquisition. Miramax Films picked up the project and guided its production until the division closed down… The film will now be released under the Touchstone Pictures banner on February 11, 2011… (via Wikipedia)
So much for answers. My guess is that so much work was put into it prior to merger with Pixar, that it was the traditional cry of:
The show must gnome on!
Sorry for that pun, but I’d venture to guess the actual film won’t be much better… And for sure, it won’t be better than this adaption of the Shakespeare classic:
I would have saved this for my upcoming (heehee) All I Want For Christmas posts, but I didn’t want to be perceived as a perv. The fact that I’m making it a Happy Find should be of no consequence of all.
Playboy is putting out (heehee) a hard drive that contains their entire digitized catalog:
That's quite a box set (heehee)
It’s $300 for 250 gigabytes of googoo gaga bits…
…I guess that’s all I have to say about that…
I don’t find it strange that fans of this team:
The Detroit Lions currently have a better record than the Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys have won five Super Bowls to our zero!
Are also fans of these college football teams:
Hail Sadism and Masochism!
I imagine that their viewing parties look a little bit like this:
Pictured: Boba Fetish, with Slave I and Sluttrooper
If one day I break down to the point of requiring psychiatric help, please direct my caretakers to these blog posts about my weird dreams. I’m sure the answers to curing my mind can be found somewhere here.
What clues this might provide, I don’t know, but I was boarding a plane and there was a big kerfuffle about someone on board. The rumor had it was a celebrity, but the facts were unclear.
As I made my way to my seat, I was greeted by this:
(Fairly) Artistic Representation
As it turned out, I was seated next to the celebrity – the world’s best Billy Joel impersonator, Guinea Joel.
It seems like a punderferul stretch for my subconscious when this would have been so much easier:
Billy Goat
Using puns is a way I get by. Sure, crack cocaine might be more forgivable and less annoying, but whatevs. Speaking of annoying, isn’t it annoying when people say “whatevs“?
Anyhonda, in today’s So, Duh! Pop Quiz, I’m interjecting (American!) car company logos over scenes from movies and other random things. You need to figure out the make of the car.
Is it easy? Ever try getting a girl into the backseat of your Smart Car?
1)
2)
3)
4) 
5)
(Answers after the jump) Read More
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 