Some of the stuff in this video happened twenty years ago:
Microchips, microwaves, faxes, airplane phones, Hammertime, monthly visitors, witches were women, Cinderella would talk deals on her cellular phone and throw her wicked step sisters into the pool, people kissed, girlfriends had girlfriends, parents discussed sex with their children – or not, you would say something cool before you hit someone in the face, unnecessary litigation…
Self-help videos may be a thing of the past (YouTube anyone?), but they were vital to making me the me I am today. I’m the best kisser anyone knows, and I can take down the biggest bullies just long enough to run away in a hurry. Want to know what I know? Check these videos out!
Today’s competitors aren’t exactly on level ground. One’s a movie trailer (wait for the fart), one’s a movie scene (watch the whole thing), and one’s a re-edited masterpiece that borders on annoying until the money shot payoff (skip to the end if you can’t wait). The latter is by my heroes over at Everything is Terrible; the formers are all real.
I want to kick everyone’s ass involved in the making of this video. Fucking seriously. Watch it and tell me you don’t feel the rage:
The above clip (which should have been called How To Be A Spaz!) exists courtesy of a site I’m looking forward to exploring further called Video Home System, and that’s the true Happy Find. (Must remember to watch Show Off! anytime I need to get pumped up for a game of murderball, or actual murder… breathe… breathe…)
I try not to pick on religion too much on this site, because I know a lot of people might see the url MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo and think, “Hey, they might have the answers I’m looking for!” And I’d be all like, “Yes, I do. It’s up in the Theory Sheet.”
So I’ll leave to the always wonderful Everything is Terrible to mock religion… particularly, a religious film starring none other than Kirk Cameron, Gary Busey, and the Lawnmower Man himself, Jeff Fahey (Jeff, you’ll always be The Marshal to me). Oh yeah. It’s about the rapture.
Some of my favorite quotes from the behind the scenes making of Left Behind:
It’s not a real movie until you blow something up!
You see a camel on sand… it says desert.
I think the success of this film really depends on a lotof people going to see it. [Producer’s emphasis, not mine, unlike at the top of the post… that emphasis was all mine – Ed.]
I’ve posted about my love of 5 Second Films before, but for those uninitiated, here’s a sample:
Well, on another favorite site of mine, Everything is Terrible, they’ve been perfecting their craft of the 3-Minute Movie edit, even though two of the most recent releases have fallen under 180 seconds.
From the Stephen Baldwin/Tom Berenger collaboration, Cutaway:
Brain-‘sploding intensity from Scanner Cop II:
And although this is not from EIT, it sums up Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen perfectly. (NOTE: It feels long even though it’s one minute long.)
This needs to happen stat! (Why does ‘stat’ mean ‘now?’ Does it even mean ‘now?’) So let’s get to work and watch this video!
Somebody get sand in Ziplock bags.
Somebody wrap said sand-filled Ziplock bags in purple tissue paper.
Somebody sprinkle fairy dust on the Pretty Pink Pathway.
Where are the pink and purple and white helium balloons? I specifically asked for pink and purple and white helium balloons!
Why does that creepy announcer dude keep laughing to himself?
I don’t care if your hands are sore from cutting out stars! We need more stars!
What the fuck is that? It doesn’t even look like a star! It looks like a fucking claw! Gah, you’re worthless!
Stop crying! You’re giving me a headache!
Seriously, if you don’t shut up – where’s all the breakable stuff, ‘cuz I wanna break something on your head!
Peeper get back here and give me back my GD real tiara!
Is it just me, or Gwendolyn way too into letting Peeper lick icing off her finger?
Who had fairy princess music on their iPod? Don’t tell me I put on my dancing shoes for naught!
I’ll make a fairly good wager that if ‘king dad’ got hit in the nuts holding that sliding princess piñata, he wouldn’t feel it (‘cuz he’s nutless, you see).
Hurry up baking! I wanna eat the fuck out of that princess cake.
You want your goody bag of treasures, right? Candy lipstick and bubbles don’t grow on trees!