drinking

Drunken Recollection… Chicken Lizards

Posted on by sgottahurt

The last Drunken Recollection I partook(or is it partaked… partaken?) in occurred the next morn.  Tonight, I humbly attempt apropos of nothing to write this despite my greater interest in hitting the sack or floor or bathroom tile… (You have no idea how many typos I’ve corrected on the fly right now – seriously, I’m serious.)

Discussion tonight swam around the usual philosophic waxings of two grown adults that have known each other since the age of five.  The fact that we still find new things to discuss is in of itself an item of wonder.  (It’s one of life’s magic tricks, I presume.)

Tonight, it was the discussion of chicken lizards.  Allegedly, some scientist has found a way to manipulate chicken DNA so that it turns into a lizard, ‘natch.  Make that a “terrible lizard.”  (Common science nerds – I’m talkin’ dinosaurs here.)

In my investigations (Google is my Watson), I’ve found not a bit of evidence to support the tall tale.  But i have found this:

Kentucky Fried Dinosaurs

Kentucky Fried Dinosaurs

According to GetAngry, in New York and Massachusetts, this Taconic Chicken Lizard existed.  It’s only natural enemy was the Berkshire Mountain Monkey:

I think it had skin and muscles... maybe.

I think it had skin and muscles... maybe.

Still without scientific evidence, I searched further to find an artist’s representation of this hybrid (from Elfwood):

I think a kid from my third grade class drew the same thing.

I think a kid from my third grade class drew the same thing.

Unfortunately, with my buzz winding down, eureka!  (And if not eureka, at least “Eek the Cat”…)
From Miss Moneypenny CPU(?):

Australian scientists are trying to crack another evolution (adaptation?) mystery of a chicken evolving backwards into a lizard!

They believe the harsh Australian outback may be responsible to the survival of Speedy Speedcat’s cousin, Sheila Chickencat and her offspring!

Er, wait no… that doesn’t even make any sense… (And I thought I could speak Australian…)

I found that story twice, and not a lick of a chick with scales (I may be able to find that description).  I’ve looked as long as I can in my condition, and found nothing.  Is it bedtime yet?

I Stand Corrected AKA I Stand Old-Schooled

Posted on by sgottahurt

Memories are a lot like books – they can get dusty.  They’re also a lot like raisins – they’re wrinkly (and purple?) and cats – they always land on their feet.  Mix in years of voluntary and involuntary brain damage and somehow you mash two things together that

A) Have completely different styles of conveying a message (even thought the message is the same).

B) Have completely different style of presentation – one’s traditional animation and one’s… what the hell is that style?  Can we just call it 90’s style?

and C) Were made eight years apart from each other (1983 and 1991 to be exact… either way, my breakfast still probably consisted of Cocoa Krispies.)

For some reason, I thought this guy…

…sang this song…

Guess I better stop drinking so much Zima…  I’m so “malternative” it’s hard to stop.

R.I.P. Zima, We Hardly Knew Ya

Posted on by sgottahurt

In a bold decision no one could have ever seen coming (mostly because most people didn’t know it was still around), MillerCoors is pulling the plug on its popular party starter, Zima.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the marketing department poured their forties on Zima’s grave mostly due to a weakness in the “malternative” segment of the population (apparently, they succumb to pressure when tickled).

Caffeinated Sparks will be picking up where Zima left off… as the last thing on Earth I’m reaching for when I need to get a drink on.

"I'll miss you with all my heart," she sighs, "Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend's bonfire..."

“I’ll miss you with all my heart,” she sniffled.  “Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend’s bonfire… his band Bond Jovi is playing.  They dress up like 007 and play cover songs…  Look at me, blubbering…”

Drunken Recollection… Plant Controlled Cars and Men in Fat Suits

Posted on by sgottahurt

As the mind drowns in spirits and sorrows, strange cabinets are unlocked.  At the mention of a friend’s son named Jayce (or Jace, I’m not sure), this popped into my thought bubble:

I remember finding these toys by Mattel at an F&M Drug Store on clearance.  I begged, but alas, the begging proved fruitless (no vegetation pun intended).

Also, while playing trivia at the bar, a question prompted the flash in the pan that was Arsenio Hall’s alter-ego, to flash before my eyes:

There was a third item, but courtesy of the alcohol, I do not recall what it is.  For the next Drunken Recollection, I hope to still be inebriated when writing this, rather than hungover.