What in the hell is going on? Maybe someone actually needs to do this…
Want to know how to fuck with drunk people at a baseball game?
Here’s three things that worked the crowd into a frenzy during my last regular season attendance at a Detroit Tigers’ game, which in turn, sort of drove me crazy:
1) Send Out Your Mascot
I couldn’t believe how many people were tripping over themselves to get a picture with Paws, the Tigers mascot. And whoever was in that suit was so nice! No request was denied. It probably helped that it wasn’t too hot out…
2) Make It Rain Money
Some smart-ass seated above our section thought it was a great idea to throw $1 bills down every once in a while. And it was. People went ape-shit crazy for just a dollar. But then again, that’s an easy McDouble after the game…
(SIDENOTE: So it wasn’t as much raining money, as it was feeling drops.)
3) Have Robocop Sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
I’ve been waiting to write this post in the hopes that a video of Peter Weller singing during the seventh-inning stretch might pop up, but alas, it has not. So here’s this instead:
I might be writing this completely prematurely, but I hope the NBA never comes back… this year. And I’ll tell you why.
- REASON 1 – THESE THREE PRICKS
When LeBron James and Chris Bosh met secretly with Dwyane Wade to discuss plans to join the Miami Heat, they essentially spit in the face of basketball. And they didn’t even win the championship! The tarnish they left on the game is comparable to the corked bat and steroid scandals in Major League Baseball – it changed everything, and definitely not for the better. (Well, in the case of baseball, the game is improving with those cheats removed. That’s why there have been more no-hitters the last few years.)
Now couple their brazen attitude with them pushing for a shortened season. They think they can win if it doesn’t take as long to get to the finals, but doesn’t that mean there would always be an asterisk next the their victory? The thing is – they don’t care. And therefore, neither do I NBA…
- REASON 2 – OUTGROWING THE GAME
As humans, we’re all getting bigger, and not just in the positive ways. Whereas basketball courts and rims have stayed the same size. In no other sport do I see this as of much as an issue, except perhaps one day in hockey. Does this mean the sport should never come back? No. But while they’re on strike, I think they should take a look at this.
- REASON 3 – THE TRUE REASON
No offense to the Detroit Pistons, but the last time all three Detroit teams won championships in the same year was 1935 – when the Pistons weren’t around! (For the record, we’re the only city to do that.)
Other cities like New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston, Pittsburgh (!) and Baltimore (!!) have had multiple championships in one year. We deserve another one.
SIDENOTE: I don’t count the Drive and the Shock match-ups with the Pistons and the Red Wings
disrespectively. And in 1952, the Lions and Wings won, but the Pistons were around by then. I want all three! (Check out the list here.)
Okay… dubbing the Detroit Tigers “The Shit” might be a bit much, but the recent turn of events has not boded well – hence them becoming “Just Shitty.” But the season’s not over, and the boys of summer can turn it around any second. Or minute. Or day now. Perhaps it’s just a last season slump happening way ahead of schedule, and they can come back for a big finish? Or maybe I’m dreaming…
But what else is a sports fan supposed to do in Detroit, other than dream? How about dream big:
I seriously tear up every time I watch that video…