What do I love more in the whole wide world than a new Zac Efron movie?
Nick Nolte talking about said Zac Efron movie!
Doncha just get lost in their eyes...
(Not really, but it’s hilarious anyway… courtesy of one of my fave ass-kickingest sites: Filmdrunk.)
(Pics from People Magazine and breakin’ the law.)
Memories are a lot like books – they can get dusty. They’re also a lot like raisins – they’re wrinkly (and purple?) and cats – they always land on their feet. Mix in years of voluntary and involuntary brain damage and somehow you mash two things together that
A) Have completely different styles of conveying a message (even thought the message is the same).
B) Have completely different style of presentation – one’s traditional animation and one’s… what the hell is that style? Can we just call it 90’s style?
and C) Were made eight years apart from each other (1983 and 1991 to be exact… either way, my breakfast still probably consisted of Cocoa Krispies.)
For some reason, I thought this guy…
…sang this song…
Guess I better stop drinking so much Zima… I’m so “malternative” it’s hard to stop.
In a bold decision no one could have ever seen coming (mostly because most people didn’t know it was still around), MillerCoors is pulling the plug on its popular party starter, Zima.
According to the Chicago Tribune, the marketing department poured their forties on Zima’s grave mostly due to a weakness in the “malternative” segment of the population (apparently, they succumb to pressure when tickled).
Caffeinated Sparks will be picking up where Zima left off… as the last thing on Earth I’m reaching for when I need to get a drink on.
“I’ll miss you with all my heart,” she sniffled. “Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend’s bonfire… his band Bond Jovi is playing. They dress up like 007 and play cover songs… Look at me, blubbering…”
As a huge fan of “30 Rock,” I cannot wait for its premier next week. But after a co-worker recently pointed out a huge dirty joke in last season’s holiday episode, “Ludachristmas” – one that I did not get because I was unaware of the reference – let’s just say that ignorance is bliss… and some things burn into your retinas forever.
If you’re brave enough, begin your journey here. It is one of the slyest dirty jokes I’ve ever seen pulled over the heads of network television executives (or “The Brass” as I like to call them) since Michael told GOB to get rid of the “Seaward,” and his mother, Lucille, snapped “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.”
(R.I.P. “Arrested Development”… Much love…)
Leonard Nimoy is a prince amongst men. Not only has he brought us decades of Spock, innumerable answers (?) in “In Search Of…” and of course the ghost in his directorial effort (or upchuck depending how you look at it), “Three Men and a Baby.”
And there’s always gonna be this:
In world left asunder by war and poverty… a future that’s not that far… ahead…
Battles are no longer fought by armies and men, but by giant robots (but not like “Robot Jox” robots)…
They meet in a stone cold mountain ring, and battle to knock each other’s blocks off…
Starring Mark Wahlberg. (Seriously, he was in my dream.)
INGREDIENTS: Pitchers of beer + two cherry bombs.
As the mind drowns in spirits and sorrows, strange cabinets are unlocked. At the mention of a friend’s son named Jayce (or Jace, I’m not sure), this popped into my thought bubble:
I remember finding these toys by Mattel at an F&M Drug Store on clearance. I begged, but alas, the begging proved fruitless (no vegetation pun intended).
Also, while playing trivia at the bar, a question prompted the flash in the pan that was Arsenio Hall’s alter-ego, to flash before my eyes:
There was a third item, but courtesy of the alcohol, I do not recall what it is. For the next Drunken Recollection, I hope to still be inebriated when writing this, rather than hungover.
I’ve been a fan of Beth and Val for awhile now, and normally, they answer tough, strange, and timeless questions (such as “What’s in Amy Winehouse’s beehive?“) They are comparable to Rick and Tracie of “Pot Psychology” except for the fact that they aren’t under any influences… I think.
This is their foray into sketch comedy. Enjoy.
One of my favorite sites, Topless Robot, reported last week that Warner Bros. is balking at the chance to bring a revisionistist fan-centric version of “Masters of the Universe” to the big screen. Considering what “Transformers” did for Dreamworks/Paramount, you’d think the execs would take a chance at this established childhood relic (maybe they’re still feeling the pain from “Speed Racer”).
Nonetheless, the great sci-fi/fantasy epic that could have been, may never be. I’d give up “Transformers 2” and “G.I. Joe” for a shot to see a real world representation of this (though I’d never give up a live-action “M.A.S.K”):
For more on the fate of the movie, click here.
It begins in a factory in subzero conditions, and the plant crumbles around me. Equipment fails. Alarms… alarm. In the distance, there are booming explosions and metal screams as it tears apart. There are three of us – the remaining workers – and we’re trying to escape. At an elevator platform that runs up an icy slope to freedom, we realize only two go at once. The largest worker, easily twice the size of me, sends the third guy and myself first. “I’ll be right behind you,” he bravely states as he mans the controls that send us up the slope.
Halfway up, the lift suddenly shrieks to a stop. It begins heading back down. We yell to our portly hero, wondering what’s happened, but we quickly realize we’re approaching our demise. The source of the factory’s destruction has found us; his intent is to killl. His name – Bender. (Yes, the robot from “Futurama.”) It turns out I’m in an episode of “Futurama.” (A very special episode, I guess.)
Cut to me watching the show in some seedy Downtown Anywhere bar with Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith (or Jay and Silent Bob, if you will… I’m unsure which incarnation they were in). We’re discussing the headquarters of our local superheroes, the Pantheon, and how it has no discernable entrance, but all the heroes know how to get in. Kevin-slash-Silent Bob (so maybe it was Kevin because he was chatty… but then again Silent Bob does have his moments) brings up the architecture outside of the heroes’ HQ.
“Have you noticed that over the years, the smaller the heroines’ tops get, the bigger the pillars seem to get?”
After kicking back a few more drinks, and I assume finishing the “Futurama” episode, we hit the streets. The three of us are about to veer left when two ladies in skimpy black-and-red plastic outfits approach from the right. They call out J&SB, so I keep walking. I meet an old lady at the corner who abruptly and repeatedly asks me, “Are those ho’s superheroes or prostitutes?” I continue walking home.
INGREDIENTS: four day old Hungry Howies pizza, Double Stuf Oreos, and organic milk, mixed with winning our softball game as well as Tampa Bay’s victory over Boston (boo-ya!), sprinkled with the softball team playing a punching arcade game at the bar.
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 