Drunken Recollection… When Someone Offers You A Free Piano, You Take It!

I was watching the first episode of “How I Met Your Mother” and there’s a scene where Robin (Cobie Smulders) quotes (what they consider) an obscure line from “Ghostbusters.”

The line, courtesy of Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson):

Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!

For whatever reason, it caused a flash in my brain pan of a conversation I had with my cousin Steve last night.  He was telling me about a Craigslist entry he read.  In it, someone was giving away an upright piano for free.  The catch: you had to come pick it up.  I asked why he hadn’t contacted the sellergiver-awayer and he said he had no place to put it, being stuck (for the mean time) back at home.  My response:

Steve, when someone offers you a free piano, you take it!

It could have waited in the garage.  It didn’t need to even be playable.  He has an old NBA Jam coin-op arcade system in the living room.  The upright piano could go right next to that.

In other words... jam band.

They go together like pianos and coin-op.

And this is one situation where I practice what I preach.  When I had the chance to get a free microfiche machine, I took it!

microfiche

Just in case a dying man hands me microfilm and tells me, "Don't let them find this," I can see what "this" is.

Happy Find… “I Can Read Movies”

Okay, it’s official.  As you can see in the Widget bar at the left, I am a Twitterer-er–ee… and my user name is WYSeanIWYG if anyone’s interested (comment me with your below and I’ll “Follow”).

Anywhippersnapper, I’ve already made one cool discovery, courtesy of Actor! Kevin Pollak (whom I’ve always liked before and since The Usual Suspects, probably because he kind of reminds me of one of my uncles).

He recommended the “I Can Read Movies” Series by some artist named Spacesick.  Basically, he conceptualizes each selected film as an iconic, stylized image (kind of like the old Activision game covers), portrayed as an old book cover.

Some examples:

"There can be only one... unless we want to make sequels."

"There can be only one... unless we want to make sequels."

"Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company."

"Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. Swinging on vines with monkeys? Eventually."

Soon to be major motion pictures, I'm sure. Then "I Can Read Movies" novelizations. Then video games again.

Soon to be major motion pictures, I'm sure. Then "I Can Read Movies" novelizations. Then video games again.

JusWondering… Did Hollywood Go To Glamour Shots?

When I was at my favorite movie theater recently (I am a card carrying Frequent Movie Watcher), I noticed that they had (intentionally) placed four strikingly familiar posters beside one another.  I couldn’t quite place what was so similar, but they all drew the exact same emotional reaction from me…

wolverineteaserstartrekkirk

terminator4transformers2teaser 

ho-hum.  Just what the ad execs ordered (okay, maybe the T4 poster is kinda cool).  Instead, I think they should have hired this guy:

Vodpod videos no longer available. My guess is that it all started with this poster:

Looks guilty to me!

Looks guilty to me!

more about “JusWondering…“, posted with vodpod

Happy Find… A New Game I Can Use To Annoy My Friends!

While late night stumbling through the TripleDoubleU when I should be going to be bed before I have to go back to work (is this even a sentence?), I found this on Videogum (they’re my Hubba Bubba):

hudhudhudhudhudhud...hudhud......hudhud... ("Jaws" theme backwards)

hudhudhudhudhudhud...hudhud......hudhud... ("Jaws" theme backwards)

And they found it through BuzzFeed and they found it threw Reddit… blah blah…

Basically, it has the potential to be a great time-killing/altered-state/show-offy game, I think.

You take a familiar film (a filmiliar, you might say) and tell it in reverse.  A gag on the BuzzFeed states The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is about a man who is born and grows old and dies.  Simple, yes… but effective.

The more elaborate samples on Reddit:

If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.

If you watch American History X backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a successful productive member of society into a crazy streetperson.

I would try one right now, but my brain’s on the fade out.

Oh wait… I got one. 

If you watch the Muppet Movie backwards, Kermit and the Gang watch a movie, and then act it out in real life.  Dumb.

The Curious Case of the Frog and the Pig

The Curious Case of Interspecies Love

Drunken Recollection… Flying Bags, Trashing Toilets, Saving Bathrooms, And Other Weird Thoughts

Sometimes things you enjoy can get ruined by the mere fact that someone points out the obvious to you, well-enough is not left alone, or something becomes cliché about it.  Examples:

  • One episode of South Park lampooned Family Guy and pointed out the show makes pointless jokes that have no basis or bearing on the plot.  It sounds highbrow, but it ruined Family Guy for me.
  • Matrix 2 and 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and Star Wars Episodes 1-3 all turned the awesome originals into tripe.  What wonders the first works brought us were repeated and retreaded until the wonder was no more.  The signs of forward thinking creativity became watered down to levels of… luck.
  • Don’t get me started on using famous songs in commercials.  Too late.  I’d give anything in the world to NOT think of KFC when I hear Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama”… but alas, that’s not to be.  The classic Southern rock anthem is now an unfortunate cliché.

The reason I bring this all up is fuck American Beauty.  Especially this scene:

Why do I have such disdain for this sequence?  It’s not that I hate it… at all.  It’s that I quite actually agree with it wholeheartedly.  I’m the type of person that likes to look up at the clouds every now and again and feel small.  I enjoy remembering my minuscule place in the universe that I share with the floating grocery store bags and the tumbling cardboard containers blowing in the wind.  What makes me mad is that I liked paying attention to the things too many people ignore before the movie came out (ten whole years ago), and when I do so now, I feel like a cliché because I’m reminded of that movie.

I thought of that on the way to the bar before soccer last night, and I needed to get that off my chest.  On to the Drunken Recollection!

SIDENOTE: Does it bring anyone else extreme amounts of joy to see toilets being discarded on the curbside?  Oh, the stories they could tell.  And it looks so juxtaposed with its surroundings.  Can you imagine being the garbage man that has to hoist the porcelain throne into his compactor?   I tried to Google Image Search “toilets being thrown out” for additional laughs, but all that showed up were pictures of Lily Allen. Weird.

Once at the bar, time constrained nicely between basketball and soccer, I had to save yet another restroom from flooding.  What’s up with people not being able to turn off faucets!?!  Have we gone numb?

Anyway, a few topics of interest came up that I thought I’d share:

  • My (possibly brilliant, or perhaps stranger than I) cousin Steve brought up the suggestion that adults should start referring to their age in months as opposed to years.  It’s more specific, it sounds impressive the older you get, and it gives clues to your birthday… that is if you’re good at math and know your times table.  Just remember, you have to be older than 252 months to drink and older than 216 months to vote, see Rated R movies, and be considered “legal.”
  • I was reminded of an old daydream I used to have where people kept growing the older they got, so you’d have to have bigger homes and bigger cars and bigger clothes and bigger factories to make all those big things.  Nobody could lie about their age or get Botox or plastic surgery to stay small.  And even if you were fifty, your seventy year old parents could still pick you up if they needed to, or you had a bad day and wanted to be nuzzled.  (I’m probably stranger than Steve, hands down.)
  • Do celebrities have insurance?  Do movie stars walk around with Blue Cross cards or Medicaid, or do they simply pay cash?  Maybe they get comped like with stores and restaurants.  “Hey, guess where Angelina and Brad went when they got the flu?  Kaiser Permanente.”  “Man, I wanna go there, too!”  I could research this further, but I only really cared about it last night.

JusWondering… Am I A Sinner? Kirk Cameron Must Think So

Not sure why this has sparked my sudden interest, but the bad-seed-with-a-heart-of-Tracey-gold, Mike Seaver, we all grew up with (well maybe not all) has evolved into the Evangelical Kirk Cameron.  This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but if you don’t believe me, click here.
While propagandizing teaching his beliefs, he’s made a few films that help convey his message.  His latest is a film called Fireproof.  The explanation, via IMDb:
Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind. Inside burning buildings, it’s his natural instinct. In the cooling embers of his marriage, it’s another story.

After seven years of marriage, Caleb and Catherine Holt have drifted so far apart that they are ready to move on without each other. Yet as they prepare to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb’s dad asks his son to try an experiment: The Love Dare.

While hoping The Love Dare has nothing to do with his parents’ newfound faith, Caleb commits to the challenge. But can he attempt to love his wife while avoiding God’s love for him? Will he be able to demonstrate love over and over again to a person that’s no longer receptive to his love? Or is this just another marriage destined to go up in smoke?

All in all, it may not be your cup of tea when you’re a fan of a cup of T&A, but this video gathering the highlights of the film is… cringe worthy at best.  My favortite part is how instead of beating his wife, he destroys his computer.  I mean, who uses CRT monitors still anyway?  I guess it wouldn’t be as “dramatic” to smash a flat-panel monitor or toss a laptop.

This whole affair really got me wondering – am I a sinner for the things I watch on the internet?

Is it a sin to sing about masturbating in the future?

Is it a sin to watch people pretend to masterbathe masturbate?

Is it a sin to watch a Japanese alien wake up with morning wood?

Is it a sin to laugh at a Russian getting attacked by a dildo copter?

Is it a sin to research how the fairer sex can join in the fun of peeing while standing up (and writing their name in the snow)?

Well if I am… fuck it.  As the G.O.A.T., Billy Joel, once said:

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The Sinners are much more fun…

BONUS SINNING:

Musical Musings… Swift-ly Handing In My Man Card

My parents both grew up on Motown.  It’s not odd or unlikely, but it explains why they never got into any of the Woodstock (hippie) fare, or harder rock like the Stones, the Who, or the Doors.

So growing up, it was radio-friendly for me… Lionel Richie, Hall & Oates, Air Supply (my dad loved them), and the G.O.A.T. – Billy Joel.  I remember the disdain the ‘rents had for Huey Lewis and the News when the (awesome!) group released, “I Want a New Drug.”  They never censored me from it, but they let me know they “weren’t crazy about it.”

The reason I say all this: I’m a sap for sappy music.  I get lost in your eyes in pop drivel, and I can’t help it.  There’s a radio station here that used to play soft rock at night (complete with love song dedications and a nightly wish… you must click here to hear!) and I remember being a teen, driving home from my first job at a toy store, listening to Alan Almond’s Pillow Talk while it was snowing the biggest flakes you’ve ever seen.  (I may be the biggest flake ever seen, but I digress…)

This quote from John Cusack’s (well, technically Nick Hornby’s) High Fidelity sums up my worldview it a nutshell, possible emphasis on nuts or hell:

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

So why oh why am I bringing this up now?  Namely, due to this young lass:

Heck Yeah! Taylor Swift!

Heck Yeah! Taylor Swift!

 She has a new little ditty making the rounds on the airwaves, and as I listened to it I realized something.  Well, take a listen if you’re unfamiliar with her work:

What I’m slowly coming to terms with is, ugh… it’s a slow process.  This 19 year old country gal that writes her own songs DREAMS THE SAME DREAMS I DO*.  And that sucks, I guess.

So in other words… GRRRRR ULTIMATE FIGHTING!

*well maybe not the EXACT same dreams

Happy Find… I Like Ike

It’s a little late to be jumping on the bashing Dane Cook band wagon, and it’s a little late to be referencing Mad TV, but as they say… better late than pregnant! 

Wait, that’s not right…

Here’s Ike Barinholtz nailing him… not literally of course.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Sucking Literally And Figuratively

Freud only knows why we dream about the things we do.  And maybe I shouldn’t have invoked Freudian psychoanalysis on this weird subconscious wish fulfillment?  (Gah, I hope not.)

Basically, there was a new product on the market for owners of Dyson vacuum cleaners.  If you felt your little sucker wasn’t original enough, you could purchase decal kits to spice yours up.  For example:

Because sure why not.

Because sure why not.

 Nonetheless, I don’t remember if I invented them or rushed out to purchase a Dyson Decal pack, but I dreamt about ’em.

________________________________________________________

There was another dream I had, and I know it was an enlightening one.  Basically, I sent an email to a blog, and the authors behind it emailed me back a response like this:

Dear Sean,

We will post your lazily written letter, but shame on your lazy writing.

Editors

The editors somehow got a hold of my cell phone number and they called to give me advice.  The advice they gave me was priceless, and I woke up between my snooze-a-thon fully recalling their nugget of insight.

Damn.  I can’t remember it anymore.

Drunken Recollection… Tron And Lil’ Wayne = Cheese And Whine

I’m no fashionista.  (I even felt uncomfortable writing that word.)  I don’t dress in the latest fashions (if Target or Kohl’s ever become haute couture, I’ll be set).  I don’t even wear a suit to formal affairs (I have my standard white dress shirt, random tie, black pants, and until someone called me out on wearing a certain vest to their wedding – a certain vest).

So please do not judge me as I judge another.  My sisters always said it’s 10% what you wear and 90% your attitude (I think they borrowed liberally from another saying), but there was this guy at the bar that made some choices, and then some additional choices on top of those, and… well, let me explain.

First off, he was in mid- to late-twenties, and he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt bearing what I call “a Tron pattern.”

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

Which on its own, I guess, would be fine and dandy (I shall never write that phrase again).  But he could have worn something akin to this, instead:

Boba Swett...shirt

Boba Swett...shirt

And he would have pulled off the look a bit better.  But he also could have actually gone to this extreme like this guy:

Does he Master Controller to Tron?

Does he Master Controller to Tron?

Yet I’m not done.  The sweatshirt was a few sizes too small, as it tapered and adhered to his arms.  A bad choice on its own, but forgivable if he opted NOT TO WEAR THE HOOD.  It was snug on his noggin, and seemed to pull up the shirt underneath as well.

So what? you might be thinking.  He can just put down the hood.  My response: then why doesn’t he pull up the back of his pants!  He had them purposely draped below his gray boxer briefed bum, as his leather belt held them firmly there.  My friend, Jess, thought he might not know, but I knew he knew.  It was another in a long line of bad choices.

The coup de grace for me was when my friend Devin was doing karaoke of Lil’ Wayne’s “A Milli” (which is a dumb song, btw, with some of the worst lyrics… check them out after the jump).  This too-small-Tron-hoodie-wearing, non-boxer-pants-sagging doofus jumped up to sing with him, and he couldn’t keep up!  He ruined it for Devin.  Oh well.  Like I said, who am I to judge… in my 90’s X-Men tee and skaterboi jeans with the cuffs rolled up.

(SIDE RANT: What’s the appeal of Lil’ Wayneanyway?  Is he big merely for the fact he may have been the first to integrate electronica with rap?  Why couldn’t he be a nice, clean cut guy like Chris Brown, and get cozy with a sweetheart like Rihanna?)

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