Happy Find… The Beardly

Also equals... "Awesome"

The last Happy Find kick I was on involved the websites with fuck in their URL.  Between Selleck Waterfall Sandwich and now The Beardly, I hope not to continue a facial hair trend.

But, you never know, considering the current state of my face:

My suggested slogans are below...

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Musical Musings… So Wait, What’s Better? Being 2 Or 1?

Sugar and Spices, not in that order

When bouncing between radio stations like I do, the mind wanders along with the melodies.  Sometimes the music is anthemic; sometimes it’s depressing.  At other times, it’s flat-out confusing.

For instance, Taylor Swift (and Boys Like Girls) have a new(er) song out called Two is Better Than One (click on highlighted song titles to watch the videos).  In this song, they say that, duh, being two is better than one.

And here I thought couples were supposed to become a singular entity?  At least that’s what the Spice Girls taught me with their song 2 Become 1 (shouldn’t it be “2 B3cm 1“?)

Singer/songwriter/crooked teeth-haver Jewel stated the same thing with her 2 B3cm 1, I mean, 2 Become 1.

U2 proclaimed that Two Hearts Beat as One, and they’re not alone in that sentiment.  Long ago, Stacey Q agreed that Two of Hearts should beat as one, and Phil Collins even crooned that Two Hearts are best when they’re believing in just one, um, mind.

What about when there are more than two hearts?  Ask Feist and Plain White T’s about 1234?

Village People 2K10

SIDENOTE: Weezer might agree with Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift because they sing I Want You Two… oh, it’s I Want You To.  Well, then what about in their ditty Can’t Stop Partying?

In that tune, Lil Wayne (ugh) makes an appearance and auto-tune (ugh) raps:

Party like tomorrow is my funeral
Gotta stop mixing alcohol with pharmaceuticals
And the unusual is the fucking usual
Man, my life is beautiful and my girls are mutual

The key word there is mutual.  What does he mean by saying that?

The definition of mutual is this:

  1. (a.) Reciprocally acting or related; reciprocally receiving and giving; reciprocally given and received; reciprocal; interchanged; as, a mutual love, advantage, assistance, aversion, etc.
  2. (a.) Possessed, experienced, or done by two or more persons or things at the same time; common; joint; as, mutual happiness; a mutual effort.

So see?  Weezer via Lil Wayne agree that two is better than one.

finis

Awful Battle… Dongs On Film

They appear to be well-hung, I mean, done.

SIDENOTE: Chalk this post up to one I wish I never started, but finished because I did.

We’re two months in and I’ve yet been to the theater this year.  Well, I’ve seen Avatar (ick), but I don’t remember if I saw that in the last two weeks of the last decade or not.  (I double-checked my credit card statement; I saw it December 27th.)

Anywang, I’m blaming my absence at the cinema on something other than the lack of exciting flicks that have been released so far.  I’m pointing my finger (not literally) at phallophobia.  Or in layman’s terms – the fear of dongs.

2009 was a banner year for weenies popping up in movies, so to speak.  With the trend moving towards 3D films, I hope the two never shall meat, er, I mean, meet.

Here’s a list I’ve compiled from other lists (Amazon, Salon, Slate), and I take most of them at their word.  Some of these are Peters I’ve met, and some are Dicks I hope to avoid.

  • 1980 – Blue Lagoon / Christopher Atkins
  • 1980 – American Gigolo / Richard Gere
  • 1983 – Breathless / Richard Gere
  • 1991 – At Play in the Fields of the Lord / Tom Berenger
  • 1992 – The Crying Game / Jaye Davidson
  • 1992 – Bad Lieutenant / Harvey Keitel
  • 1993 – The Piano / Harvey Kietel
  • 1994 – Color of Night / Bruce Willis
  • 1996 – The Pillow Book (and Trainspotting) / Ewan McGregor
  • 1997 – Boogie Nights / Mark Wahlberg (sort of)
  • 1998 – Wild Things / Kevin Bacon
  • 1998 – Velvet Goldmine / Ewan McGregor
  • 2001 – Super Troopers / Kevin Heffernan
  • 2003 – Young Adam / Ewan McGregor (again!)
  • 2003 – Brown Bunny / Vincent Gallo
  • 2004 – Sideways / M.C. Gainey
  • 2004 – Kinsey / Peter Sarsgaard
  • 2006 – Borat / Sacha Baron Cohen, in photo (?) and censored hotel battle
  • 2007 – Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story / Unknown and don’t care to
  • 2007 – Eastern Promises / Viggo Mortensen
  • 2007 – The Simpsons Movie / Bart Simpson
  • 2008 – Forgetting Sarah Marshall / Jason Segel
  • 2009 – Bruno / Sacha Baron Cohen (was it his talking Johnson?)
  • 2009 – Watchmen / Dr. Manhattan
  • 2009 – Observe and Report / The Flasher, also don’t care to know more
  • 2009 – The Hangover / Ken Jeong, and perhaps Zach Galifianakis

In closing, I fear this may be the most comprehensive list of filmed penises on the web, and for that reason alone it was a truly Awful Battle.

If only there was a site that detailed all the female nudity out there…

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… We Are The World

Just like (almost*) all remakes, We Are the World doesn’t even hold a candle to the original.  The thrill of all those superstars getting together for a great cause was unprecedented… at least for 1985.  No one seemed to be involved for the face time or the advancement of their careers because they already had plenty of face time and stable careers.

Soloists from the 1985 version (known as USA for Africa):

Not one of them (not even Kim Carnes, who had previously won two Grammy’s for Bette Davis Eyes) was an obscure artist.  Sure, chorus had its odd inclusions (Dan Aykroyd and Bette Midler par exemple), but the overall tone of the arrangement felt sincere.  Especially since Madonna wasn’t any part of it.

LINGERING QUESTION: Why didn’t Smokey Robinson get a solo part?

Now before ripping, um, getting into the new Artists for Haiti version, I must give pause to ponder: are my feelings based in nostalgia (which is like an underage female robot), or in actual taste?  Has the concept of this type of project been tainted by the likes of Voices that Care, I’m Fucking Ben Affleck, 30 Rock’s Kidney Now, and Huey Lewis’ I Am the World (videos below)?  Or am I simply jaded?

Without further ado, ughWe Are the World 25 for Haiti (skip to the 1:12 mark to get around the egomaniac that is Jamie Foxx):

Could you make it through the entire thing?  You’re a brave soul indeed.  Now I can’t really fault or knock the intentions or the cause, but here are some things that I can knock:

  • Who the fuck is Justin Baby Bieber and why the fuck is he taking Lionel Richie’s spot?  Oh, he’s a YouTube star?  My bad.  (*wanking motion*)
  • A Pussycat Doll?  Srsly?
  • Academy Award-winning, non-American Idol-winning Jennifer Hudson can sing.  That’s for sure, but compared to the grouping above (save poor Kim Carnes), is she that big of a star?  (I was being figurative, no pun intended… even though I love puns.)
  • Even though I didn’t know who Jennifer Nettles was, I found out she’s from Sugarland.  I know think they’re a popular country band, so she earns her Kenny Rogers card.
  • The next stretch I can approve of: Tony BennettJanet Jackson, and Barbra Streisand. My only problem (besides the reused MJ footage) is it feels like foot-stomping.  (Foot-stomping = “Wah!  I didn’t get my turn!”)
  • Josh Groban and Mary J. Blige are welcome parties, but their presence (see what I did there?) reminded me of their comedy appearances below.
  • Fuck Miley Cyrus.  I don’t mean literally, of course.  Because she’s underage (and maybe a robot).
  • Enrique Iglesias has been around awhile, has family credentials, and brings a Latin flair, so okay.
  • Jamie Foxx simply leaves a bad taste in my mouth, er, ears, or whatever with his Ray Charles impression, so fuck him.
  • Another deserved stretch: Wyclef JeanAdam Levine (of Maroon 5), PinkBeBe Winans, Usher, Celine Dion, Fergie, and Toni Braxton, with passes for Mary Mary (gospel singers) and Isaac Slade (of The Fray).

This is when it turns Just Shitty:

In closing:

  • Why is the Pussycat Doll shown so much?
  • Why weren’t these artists given solos over some of the others: Gladys Knight, Natalie Cole, Faith Evans, or Rob Thomas (amongst others in the chorus)?
  • Srsly, why is the Pussycat Doll shown so much?
  • Why did Paul Haggis have to direct this?  And why couldn’t he get the core soloists together like in the original?
  • What is Wyclef saying at the end of the song?  Unity?  Piety?  R.U.T.?
  • And I just can’t shake the feeling that all these people have the same agent…

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*Dawn of the Dead and The Hills Have Eyes were decent remakes.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Tim And Eric Are LOST?

I apologize for the lack of timeliness of this post, and the lack of evidence to back it up, but it’s something weird I noticed that reaches a level of Coinkydink or Coinkydonk.  As a refresher, a Coinkydink is a coincidence, while a Coinkydonk is on purpose.

Anyadultswim, I am a huge fan of the phrase, “Fair enough.”  I first picked it up from Tim and Eric’s cartoon (?) Tom Goes to the Mayor.  The titular Tom Peters was equally fond of the saying:

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Another thing picked up from both of those shows happened to come from their credits:

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Now I may not regularly say either “fair enough” or “absolutely,” but whenever I hear them uttered, BOOM!  I think of Tim and Eric.

While watching Season 5 of LOST in preparation for Season 6, I realized both phrases were said a lot.  “Fair enough” was said so much that a forum practically devoted an entire thread to it.

As for “absolutely,” here are a couple quotes from Season 5:

John Locke: Absolutely. Richard has agreed to show us where we need to go. So I’m gonna go and see Jacob right now. And I’d like all of you to come with me

James ‘Sawyer’ Ford: You still got my back?
Juliet Burke: Absolutely.

Were I so inclined to (or provided I had the time and technology), I would have put together a YouTube video as proof.  Maybe one day I will, but for now, you’ll have to take my word for it.

So what does this all mean, you wonder?  I think the answer is simple:

Are you LOST? Because so am I...