Video

Drunken Recollection… Other People’s Drunken Recollections

Posted on by sgottahurt

Some pals o’ mine and I were out at the bar, and they got into reminiscing about their old school teachers and the affairs they had (that the teachers had… and not with the friends, but with each other).

Anyqui, apparently this existed:

(via Ridiculous Thoughts)

As well as this:

(Barbapapa’s home page)

For the record, neither of these friends are French (although my buddy at work is).

I merely drank my Guinness and drowned in the sense of nostalgia.  Mostly because they also introduced me to her:

Musical Musings… You Just Don’t Hear These Songs Enough Me Thinks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Without further adieu, and with only one more misused French word, here are some songs I liked at one point, but that don’t really hit the radio playlists anymore.  Do I still enjoy them?  I don’t really non.

A Plethora Of Happy Finds, For El Guapo!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Well, El Guapo, though I may not really know what a plethora is, I do know when I’ve cracked one open and it’s spilling candy (oh – that’s a piñata).

Anyway, in all my perusing of the TripleDoubleU, I find so many videos that make me chuckle, it makes me weep.

So today, I’m sort of going for broke and offering up not ONE… not TWO… not THREE… not FOUR… not FIVE… video collections!

  • Numero 3 is in fact Numero 3 in a series of Creed spoofs.  You remember Scott Stapp and crew, right?  Well according to this particular video they only remember to perform when the camera’s on them to not just hilarious, but hil-ar-i-ous, effect.  (More dubs from the Spirit Switchboard.)
  • This video is last because it probably warms my heart the most.  Rhett and Link have made it on this site before since I share my love of terrible local commercials with them, but this piece… play me off, El Guapo!  (And for the record -yes, I’m aware Cuba is not in Mexico… I know it’s in Florida.)

InASense, Lost… Zordon Is A Racist

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has popped up on more than a few of the other websites I frequent, and I’ve watched it every time.  I didn’t expect much from a simple, outdated premise, but it still makes me laugh.

I mean, the blatant racism disturbs me deeply.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “InASense, Lost… Zordon is a Racist …“, posted with vodpod

BONUS HIDDEN RACISM: This perfectly explains “the underwhelming meh” I felt after watching Avatar.

“The Reflex” Rewrite (A Drunken Recollection/Musical Musings Joint)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Intel was years ahead of its time... (Happy New Year!)

Sorry for the graphic nature of this post.  But it’s reality.  And reality is graphic.

Enjoy the start of this new decade with a karaoke song about beer shits…

The beer shits (4x)

“You’ve gone too far this time”
But I’m sleeping on the hard cold tile
A puddle spilled out around me
Good chances it came from my inside
I’ll crawl cross the bathroom floor
There’s no way that I can stand oh oh
Last night I had a hard time deciding
To have one or two beers in my hands oh oh

CHORUS
Budwei-yi-yi-yi-yi-ser goes right through me
Miller Li-yi-yi-yi-ght cuts right through me
Coors  Li-yi-yi-yi-yi-ght spills right through me
The beer shits is the morning after, keeping my rear parked
The beer shits is the discharged treasure that can be quite dark
And leaning over the bathtub isn’t that bizarre
Every little thing the beer shits does
Leaves behind another set of skid marks

I’m on the bowl and I want to get off
Butt won’t slow down the flush roundabout
I drank the whole bar watching TV sets
Don’t want to be around when this gets out

CHORUS

Oh the beer shits what a game I’m playing with my innards
The beer shits is the discharged treasure that can be quite dark
And leaning over the bathtub isn’t that bizarre
Every little thing the beer shits does
Leaves behind another set of skid marks

Musical Musings… What Have The Aughts Wrought Us?

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s an end-of-the-year-decade evaluation of the year decade that’s come before.  Long story short – there was nothing new.  

The only things left to hit the mainstream were the very things that were once thought taboo, which explains Jenna Jameson’s widespread fame (no pun intended), the common knowledge of cougars and MILF‘s, and the over-sexualization of the underaged (i.e. countdown-to-age-eighteen clocks for the Olson Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, etc). 

"If you like it, then you know it's got a ring to it..."

 

Gone are the days of truly independent filmmaking.  (And BTW, I didn’t ask for 3D films to be brought back.)  Hip-hop and rap break down barriers no more.  Television turned game shows into reality programming, but did little else except compartmentalize audiences between channels.  Everything has become corporatized to the point of homogenization.  

“So what have the Aughts wrought us?” 

Outside of the birth of a new medium boom of the Internet (known as the ol’ TripleDoubleU ’round hyeh), and the boon that was social networking (YouTube, Facebook, Friendster, et. al.), the web just offers another outlet for pre-existing formats. 

So what rose from the ashes of the Y2K bug?  One thing…

Auto-Tune

Although it technically was first heard in 1998, when Cher’s Believe* was torturing me via my alarm clock, while my face was smeared in a puddle of chunky pink Marguerita upchuck on my tiled bathroom floor (true story), it wasn’t until this decade that it took a foothold on almost everything on pop radio (list here). 

She suffers from a rare case of "moonstruck."

 

From Faith Hill’s The Way You Love Me in 2000 all the way up to (though not including) Jay Z’s D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune), the 00’s could be remembered as the Aughto-Tune Decade (clever!), although outta-tune, auto-crooner Kanye West would probably like to think the decade belonged solely to him. 

She suffers from a lack of attention.

 

My Prediction for the 10’s 
Since Lady Gaga is the Cher of now, and IMHO she’s actually quite talented… and not to say Cher wasn’t talented… I guess what I’m saying is… keep an eye on her.  She might set the next trend.  Or not.  Who do I look like, Phil Spector?  (Don’t answer that.) 

(SIDENOTE: I’m secretly rooting for Taylor Swift and her aw-shucksness to put the societal downward spiral on hold.) 

*Another early auto-tuner was Kid Rock’s Only God Knows Why (1998).  And it’s true – only God knows why Kid Rock hooked up with Pamela Anderson after finding out she had Hepatitis C.  Perhaps he confused it with the vitamin…

Awesome Battle… Which Happy Find Should Have Got Its Own Post?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve had so many Happy Finds that I can’t quite keep up with, so instead of letting them get lost in the ethers of net, here’s a good ol’ fashion dump list.  Don’t hate me!

1) The BossHoss

This band from Berlin mocks celebrates the stylings of country music in America by covering pop tunes from America.  They refer to their versions as “Country Trash Punk Rock.”  But in German, I guess.  (via Dave, more BossHoss here)

2) Remember these?

Oh yeah, Lisa Skye! I forgot about, um, her...

Not the specific (wacky) strip itself, but the Hostess ads found in comic books about, oh, 25-30 years ago.  Okay, you probably don’t remember them.  But Seanbaby (no relation) did, and he’s collected all the food-tossing, problem-solving insanity on his site.

3) Clients From Hell

Working in IT (as I do) requires an amazing amount of patience.  Don’t believe me?  Click on the above link, or simply watch this video.  You will believe… (via Eric)

4) Unicorn Vs. Narwhal – The Game

Ever wonder what the outcome of such a fantastic battle (but not quite Awesome) would be?  Click the above link and find out!  (via Urlesque)

5) Working UPC Art

Like this? I can get ya even more!

Check out 24 other functional barcodes at The Chive.

Happy Find… Anthony Jeselnik

Posted on by sgottahurt

This guy tells the best wrong jokes I’ve ever heard.  Enjoy (and possibly be mortified) while I continue nursing this hangover…

JusWondering… Have You Been Naughty Or Nice (Or A Nice Combination of Both)?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Well, well, well.  It’s Christmas Day… or Boxing Day Eve for my Canadian neighbors, Friday for all you Socialist, Baby Jesus-h8ing liberals, or Day Two of my extended weekend.

For all of people celebrating the first item in the above short-list, a question commonly posed by (that pagan) Santa Claus goes, “Have you been naughty or have you been nice?”

For those that have been nice, here’s a naughty Alison Brie singing Santa Baby to Santa, the Ghost of Christmas Presents, and an adult Jesus Cowell (h8rs!):

For those of you that have been good, ol’ fashioned naughty, here’s a Krampus gallery:

And because you’ve been especially bad, here’s a video, too:

InASense, Lost… So That’s Where Santa Claus Comes From

Posted on by sgottahurt

As a kind and generous soul, I implore you – gather up your children, and together watch this origin story of Santa Claus.  Revel in the triumphs and joys of his journey from his humble beginnings in the Korvatunturi Mountains, to the plush decorative throne at your local mall and local malls around the world…

But be careful.  If you do not respect Father Christmas, this will be the outcome (if you’re lucky):

If any of the above has offended or scarred you, you’re welcome.  If you want to take matters up with the company, please feel free to contact Rare Exports, Inc by clicking on this link.

Merry Christmas, bitches!