As for this TV spot previewing The Darkest Hour, keep a lookout for this guy at the 0:15 mark:
No, that is not a hula hoop around him.
Is that Max Headroom, or a waxy-faced man who doesn’t know how to run natural? Here’s the commercial:
BONUS (MAYBE) FAKE!
In this ad for eHarmony, do we really believe Jon? No guy really doesn’t want to be single that bad… plus, I only think about 1 in 10 guys roll their eyes upward when counting to the number two:
There are three things I’ve recently stumbled (or restumbled) upon that have bothered me. If you would have asked me in advance if they would, I would have laughed at you and said:
I guess it’s possible.
Then I would have went back to my day.
Nonetheless, here they are, in no particular order:
At first. I was upset they made a sequel. Then… I got really upset.
I’m not a fan of the film Hoosiers, but I recognize its place as a revered sports flick. Maybe I need to see it again, but I remember seeing it during all the hoopla (pun!), and not thinking it was anything special. So it took me by major surprise when I thought there was a sequel to the Gene Hackman classic, starring Matthew Perry instead.
But then I found out it was a spoof preview that played at the ESPYS… and my anger didn’t subside:
IT’S SO FUCKING HORRIBLE I’D PREFER A SEQUEL!
I don’t think I’ll ever like Michelle Williams.
This is probably the best picture I've ever seen of her.
I can’t stand Michelle Williams. I tolerate her, not only because she’s probably not leaving Hollywood any time soon, but because Heath Ledgerhad to see something in her (other than his baby).
I don’t find her disgusting, a terrible actress, or an awful human being. So what causes this disdain?
Joey (Fucking) Potter
I loved Katie Holmes on Dawson’s Creek so much that it’s weird I can no longer stand her either (CRUISE! *shakes fist at the sky*)… you see, Williams played “the other girl,” Jen Lindley. whom Joey had to compete against for the affection of Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek), and I guess I can’t let that go.
(SIDENOTE: I should mention that I stopped watching the show pretty early on, although I know she and Pacey ended up together. PACEY!*shakes fist at the sky*)
Please don’t let this become a trend.
You know how naming gimmicks come in waves… first there were commas:
I planned on posting the actual noises produced during the course of Gates of Hades, but it was removed from YouTube and now sells on their actual website for $199.95… just like an actual pusher – at first it was free, but now you gotta pay.
In reality, it’s caused by playing binaural beats. You can read about it here. But if I know you – and I think I do – you’d rather watch a video about it hear here:
It’s closing in on Gimme Gimme Day, and what better way to celebrate the joyous overconsumption and high-expectations of youth than to examine the video games I was never Given Given.
Here are A Handful Of… The Video Games That Got Away:
Not what you’d expect to be first. This came out back in the days of me playing the original Maniac Mansion and Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders, but it was only available for Commodore 64. I had an IBM-compatible. To those not around at the time, that’s like wanting Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception, when all you have is the Wii.
I had a Sega Genesis, but I didn’t get the system when it was originally released with Altered Beast. Then again, ToeJam and Earl was still released after that. I’m not sure why I didn’t get this game. All I know is that I wanted it.
Another nerdy PC game. (It was available for DOS, but it looked fantastic on the Amiga. So I wanted the Amiga.) I didn’t even really play chess, but I guess I craved digitized violence. Don’t be surprised if one day it’s revealed that this game paved the way for Mortal Kombat. Speaking of kombat…
This was one of the two arcade fighting games I was good at (the other was Virtua Fighter), so when it was announced that there would be a version for the Super Nintendo, I was ecstatic. Then I realized how people must have felt when Pac-Man was finally released for the Atari 2600… Here’s the SNES commercial:
This game might look familiar, although its name is not. That’ sbecause you probably saw Tom Hanks playing it in the movie Big. Sadly, TCOTEW never existed in the real world… until now. Try it by clicking here.
Think of it as my early Gimme Gimme present for you.
Normally, television commercials are skipped by me with the simple press of a button. Especially when they are ads like this shitty local one (I didn’t even want to post it here, so you’ll have to click on those words).
But this commercial…
I don’t know what it is about it…
I can’t seem to skip past it.
And to top it off, I actually talk to my TV while it’s on! So strange…
(SIDENOTE: But not as strange as what’s in the lower right hand-corner of this screen.)
It’s been long enough since I’ve seen this video about recent UFO sightings across the world that I can finally post it here. Have I mentioned how I feel about aliens before? Here’s a tip on how to get through it – focus on the misspellings (why do videos like this always have misspellings?)…
AWFUL
This next one is creepy, but in a fun way, which seems weird to say based on what it’s, um, based on, but it’s true. Honestly, it’s one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a long time.
We knew this already. It’s been a long steady fall from Britney Spears being The Shit…
A babe in the woods.
…to her more current state of Super Shitty. I recently saw this video for her 2009 song, Radar, for the first time (I initially thought it was brand new), and was horrified by the horrible extent of its horribleness (the song and the video and the lack of a thesaurus in the writing of this sentence):
It’s good to see at the very least she’s still doing her stupid tongue thing:
(SIDENOTE: It’s not really stupid that thing she does with her tongue. I bet that’s what’s kept her career alive. And her big eyes. Yeah, her big eyes. And her nice tight smile.)
Anywhoarethey, they’re style of comedy is so outdated it’s almost funny in a non-funny way… like a Laffy Taffy riddle… or a terrible Knock-Knock joke. (I guess ironic is the word I’m looking for.)
So I feel the same about this old knee-slapper:
Black people are like ____, and white people are like ____.
For example, take a listen to Tracy Morgan (above) as Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock by clicking here for an example.
So why this post, why now? I’ve come up with a version of this joke. Here we go…
Black people are all like UMBRELLA -ELLA -ELLA:
…and white people are all like PARA- PARA- PARADISE:
Incubus has a new(er) song out now called Promises, Promises. I rather enjoy it, in spite of the perceived content. (It seems to be about a 23-year-old groupie that wants to bang the band, and lead-singer Brandon Boyd appears to have some reservations about that.)
Here’s the vid:
The title in turn reminded me of this gem from the 80’s – Naked Eyes’ Promises Promises.
It’s just about a girl that doesn’t keep promises:
So I started thinking about other songs that shared titles that were about noticeably different things.
TLC’s song examines the many facets of cheating, or creeping around; as for the other, it appears that Thom Yorke thinks of himself as a creep… and possibly a stalker?
Kris Kross merely wants to make people perform the act of jumping because, as they put it, they’re not just some bad little fad; in the case of Van Halen, I just think David Lee Roth wants to jump because he might as well.
P!nk’s ode to emptiness (I really should refuse to write her name this way) is a bit ambiguous – the video (which you can see by clicking her name above) appears to be about the act of self-pleasure, but the lyrics reflect more of a… ah, I’m just gonna pretend they’re about masturbation, too; in regard to Tool’s screeching hymn, it might really be about the battle to stay sober in the face of alcoholism (or addiction in general).
The version by Ghostface Killah (I just “got” his name) is about sex, of course, and about what results from that matter of course; Justin Bieber is probably glad his version is not about an actual baby, in light of his recent (bogus) paternity suit – but it’s still ultimately about sex… or at least what P!nk Pink sang about.
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