TV

Why Do I Get Butterflies In My Stomach Whenever I See Chris Elliott? (Some Kind Of Answer Below)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m nursing a bit of a ‘gover right now (y’know… shorthand for hangover), so I’m going to roll these out as best as I can.

First order up – Chris Elliott has a daughter, Abby.  Now it’s not weird that this guy has daughter:

And it’s not weird that I’m very attracted to her (her impersonation of Kirsten Dunst):

What is weird is there is a family resemblance…  Maybe that explains why I’ve been dreaming about Chris Elliott for all these years…

Anywhopper, the point of this post is that Abby is joining the cast of Saturday Night Live, as well as Michaela Watkins.  If any of Chris Elliott’s knack for oddball comedy has rubbed off on her (wait, that sounds gross), then SNL will be that much better for having her (and much easier on the eyes… goodbye crush on Kristen Wiig!)

The only good thing to come out of five “Scary Movies”:

JusWondering… Movie Choices That Make Me Go Hmmm…

Posted on by sgottahurt

Why is it so difficult for TV stars to make a successful transition into film?  Is it that we, the viewers, the fans, the general public, have spent so much time with them, that we can’t believe them unless they’ve been typecast?

Hang ups, like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

Hang ups? More like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

Nah – I just think they have shitty agents.  Why else would “Friends” star, and former painkiller addict, Matthew Perry, be in this —>

Academy Award winner and star of the ever shitty “Mad About You,” Helen Hunt, gets to star in crap like this <—

(FYI – Cousin Ira was okay, in a Balki sort of way.)

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

Is this as good as it gets?  (Sadly for this blog – yes.)  Ask “Ellen” star, um, Ellen Degeneres if she has any regrets about this little diddy from back in the day —>

 Poor, cutesy, chipmunky Neve Campbell, formerly of “Party of Five” (and I’ll at least give her “Scream”) has something on her mind <—

And as an added bonus… who the hell knows where Leelee Sobieski came from, but she has one simple request:

Done and done.

Done and done.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Sabotage Live!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This one was a doozy.  It started with Jerry Mathers having his own talk show, named after the remake/update of his old show.  Problems were occurring on set between him and the crew, so they replaced him with Willie Aames.

Buddy... is in charge now bitch!

Insert: Buddy... is in charge now bitch!

Things weren’t going that well for him once he took over either.  He had all kinds of demands and rage fits (in retrospect, I’m beginning to think the crew was the problem).

How they decided to sabotage Willie was to have Subway sponsor a fund raiser he was hosting at a cancer center.  The catch: Subway canned their $5 Foot Long campaign for a new one…

There Willie Aames is... get him!

There Willie Aames is... get him!

Seriously… this was my dream.

INGREDIENTS: Peanut butter on a bagel, way too much blog reading

Drunken Recollection… Grade School Crushologue

Posted on by sgottahurt

Take a step into the barley and hops time machine with, while I recount my early crushes… in poem – I mean, rap:

Trini Alvarado in Altman’s “Rich Kids”/ 
Young Madison in “Splash” when they were just kids/
Princess Leia ridin’ on Jabba’s dirt skiff/
New Leave It to Beaver’s niece, Kaleena Kiff/
Got a little older with Mathilda May/
F-ed up in the head, crushin’ on Lady Jaye/
Jami Gertz was sure one hot Solarbaby/
Kim Cattrall was a doll from Egypt, baby/
Babysit with that babe, Elisabeth Shue/
Debbie Gibson brought love from outta the blue/
Amanda Peterson learned that love is free/
Brooke Theiss… Jamie Luner… how ’bout just us three/
Amy Dolenz is da bomb outta control/
…Still a little f-ed up for diggin’ Ariel…

(I tried to find pictures of them all, but I decided Google image searching kids might not be a smart idea.)

Sienna Ya Later, Balthazar!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Oops!

“Lord of the Flies” star Balthazar Getty had a wife and four children.  One was a newborn.

The tornado that is Sienna Miller (a “Queen of the Flies,” you might say tongue in cheek… or ahem, something else in cheek) swept him away from his family earlier this year.

Now she has called it quits with him, blaming it on all the public scrutiny.  From Us Magazine:

I’m single at the moment, and I’m completely happy with that. It’s nice not to have a relationship that the press constantly want to scrutinise and discuss. I’m cool with being on my own.

Currently going down at ex-wife Rosetta Millington’s home:

Dragonbalthazar (outside front door): Honey, I’m home!
Rosetta: Who is it?
Nobalthazar: Your sugar puff, BZAR! (Seriously, this is tattooed on his knuckles.)
Rosetta: Go fuck yourself! Oh wait, you already did. Your great grandfather was billionaire oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty, right?
Sunkenbalthazar: Yes… Can’t we settle this already? Just let me in!
Rosetta: Oh, there will be a settlement all right.

Et cetera, et cetera… by the way, Sienna – you can break up my happy home anytime!  Isn’t she such an adorable natural disaster?

Fake Foreign Lisps Is The New Getting Hit In The Nuts

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have not seen “Madagascar.”  I will not see “Madagascar: Escape 2 the Same Continent That Madagascar is Part Of.”  I also have not and will not see “The Love Guru.”

Notice any similarties between these two clips other than the fact I want to put my head in a vice and hook one of those NASCAR bolt removers to its crank?

Drunken Recollection… Instant Hangover TV

Posted on by sgottahurt

First, turn off the sound to this video.  It’s completely irrelevant to the experience (and that’s how I originally saw it).  Now pretend you’re bombed:

I was at one of my local hangouts, pounding back a few ol’ El Millerlitos, when this damn CNBC show caught my eye on the table’s flat screen.  It wasn’t this particular segment, but what I bore witness to was a brain derailment.  She was pretty enough on her own (she being Carmen Wong-Ulrich, a.k.a. The Great American Mixing Pot), but what happens at the 1:10 mark persisted for what seemed like ten minutes.  At the time of the inebriation, I sat in stunned disbelief and nausea because I couldn’t tell if the camera was moving or the background.  And what’s with the insane amount of jarring cuts!

Might be fun to watch high, though…

JusWondering… S#!% Misses The Fans (And The Drummer)

Posted on by sgottahurt

In the many, many random discussions I have with friends and family, there’s one I had awhile ago that I can’t quite shake.

Over the course of the ramblings (mind you, these topics flowed seamlessly into each other somehow), my cousin, Steve, and I touched upon Vh1’s “Freakiest Concert Moments,” wearing plastic training pants in a strip club, and how to go about renting a steamroller.

About the Vh1 special: Apparently, some band made a bet with their manager and he lost, or they won (I cannot find this story anywhere… plus I cannot watch Vh1 – except for “Surreal Life”).  Anythewho, the manager (or agent) had to hang upside down over the drummer nude during the show.  The band forgot about him and by the time they remembered, he had passed out.  I was expecting the tale to end with his eyes shooting out of his head, or to discover he suffered some serious brain damage (more than the drugs that caused the bet to go through ever could).  The true finale is even better.  He had passed out quite early during the show because he was trying to shit on the drummer to get his attention.  He tried so hard it made him pass out.

I tried to imagine how one might go about shitting while upside down.  You would obviously have to try to grab your ankles, right?  In order to aim down?  Because the last thing you’d want to experience while hanging upside down in the buff is to feel a trail of your own crap running up your back and into your hair.  I’m just saying.

(The rest of this exciting JusWondering to follow later… And if anyone has a clue which rock band this happened to, please comment below!)

JusWondering… I Can Has Licenz Playt?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Also a game in prison...

Also a game in prison...

I have a love/hate (or would that be LUVH8) relationship with personalized license plates, and I’ve never been sure exactly why.  Part of me thinks of it as a game with my fellow road warriors, a la “Bumper Stumpers.”  Another part is reminded of txtspk, and sometimes that gmg (“gets my goat”… come on, I’m trying to start one).

The reason that txtspk can drive me crazy goes back to the game show – wtf does some of that shit rly mean?  (Well, that, and some of the stuff that makes sense makes little sense.)

Examples:  On my road trip to Chitown, I passed a couple of peeps w/ personalized plates.

FLINX – Fuck links… do you hate golf? Is your name Flin X (which I’d admit would be pretty cool)?
SAF – Shitty Ass Fuck indeed… initials are stupid
NVMEEE– Sooo original u needed 3 E’s
BLZR98 – Not on a ’98 Blazer – ironic?  (ARTS BRD on a Thunderbird and 06SMART on a ’06 Smart car – not ironic)

I know a lot has already been taken, and you are limited in your space, but here are some of the faves I’ve seen through the years:

PB4UGO – This one took a bit of brain shifting because my first thought was “Peanut butter for you, go”
IM1RU12 – This one had a surrounding plate holder declaring the driver was an alumnus from that particular school… though normally I’m not a fan of school spirit after you’ve left school (I’m bitter that way), I thought this was clever enough to include mostly because they were quick enough to get it first
IGODWN2 – This one is especially humorous to me because I happened upon it one night I was driving around, soul searching… my eyes focused on GOD first and I smiled… my smile grew bigger when I noticed the rest

Have you noticed any good personalized plates?