TV

Three Men And A Comeback (Wait… That Sounds Bad)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today must be 80’s day, and for that I’m extremely thankful.  The word through the pipelines that is the TripleDoubleU is Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck are in talks to reunite and finally complete the “Three Men and a…” Trilogy.

According to Guttenberg:

It’s called “Three Men and A Bride.” The script is pretty much written and we are really keen to get that made. We’re very hopeful.  (via IMDb)

They’re very hopeful?!  I’m fucking-on-the-edge-of-my-seat hopeful.  I’m I’ll-go-without-shitting-until-this-thing-is-released hopeful.  I’m on pins and needles that have herpes and syphilis and AIDS on them serious.  I’ve been literally dying to know what’s been going on in Michael, Jack, and Peter’s life since the last movie.  Um, didn’t someone get married to somebody in that one?  Wasn’t there some sheep in the road gag that held the wedding up?  And where did that ghost from the first one go?  Was he friendly or evil, or simply lonely?  Will the two non-dads hit on the third pal’s daughter who will no doubt be hot and legal?

I’ve been waiting for a star to fall, and since pretty much all three of the leads’ stars have dropped*, I’m all for this belated sequel.  With the bar set low by “Indiana Jones 4,” this flick should be a masterpiece.  (And there’s rumors about another “Police Academy.”  Aieeeeee!)

*Becker did all right by himself and with some help from Larry David, but sadly and wrongly, Magnum has not fared as well.  The Gute did do a stint on “Dancing with the Stars,” but he also runs naked through Central Park.

More Abby Elliott!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Since she was not prominently featured yet again on last weekend’s episode of “Saturday Night Live,” here’s Abby Elliott doing another skit for the Upright Citizens Brigade Midnight Show.  Enjoy!

Here’s the new cast member voted most likely to replace Tina Fey – Michaela Watkins.  Enjoy as well!

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Drunken Recollection… In Defense Of Jar Jar Binks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Where's a wampa when you need one?

Where's a wampa when you need one?

Jar Jar Binks was the beginning and the end of “Star Wars” for most.  It was the clearest sign that George Lucas had lost his damned mind, and the pandering to kids that began with the Ewoks in “Return of the Jedi” (which was fine when I was a kid), had spiraled out of control.  And it wasn’t just the fans that thought this.

According to Wikipedia:

Additionally, Rob Coleman, who was the lead on the Industrial Light & Magic animation team, warned Lucas that there was concern among the team that the character of Jar Jar was coming across poorly for the team and how the character was to be projected. Lucas told him that he especially put Jar Jar in the film to appeal to small children. After that, the issue was dropped.

So after all is said and done – why would I choose to defend Jar Jar?  As he is, I can say nothing.  But of what he could have been – I have to say this.

I believe in George Lucas’ out-of-touch brain, he had grander plans for Jar Jar, besides having him be at fault for giving Palpatine power in Episode II (heaven help me for writing this… all of this.)  I think it was the fan backlash that shrunk Jar Jar’s role.

Even if he didn’t have better intentions for Jar Jar, I believe the series would have benefited from having a permanent sidekick for Anakin.  Jar Jar, the simple creature he was, could have been used to contrast how far into darkness Anakin decended.  Jar Jar could have been his confidant when he Obi-Wan pissed him off.  Jar Jar could have ran interference to distract others when Anakin was hooking up with Amidala.  Then, when the moment arrived where Anakin had chosen his destiny… when he wiped out all those little Jedi kids… how much more powerful would it have been for Anakin’s best bud to walk in and catch him doing such horrible things?  Anakin, realizing how far he has fallen, would then lash out and destroy the mirror of his lost innocence – Jar Jar.

Especially after what Jar Jar would probably have said: “Ani, whatsa yooza doin?”

(If you’re brave enough, there’s a pic of the hotness that is me after jump…)

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I Am Thankful For… Hard Salami

Posted on by sgottahurt

Is it so wrong that I want to stuff you in my mouth?

Is it so wrong that I want to stuff you in my mouth?

To begin, turkey has somehow become the big brother of Thanksgiving feasts (ham is the little brother).  I’m sure there’s a very good folk tale/reason why turkeys have taken the head spot despite having no head, but I don’t really feel like looking into it. 

(Okay, I did look into it, but it’s a little boring.  It involves some queen of England eating a goose and the Pilgrims finding turkeys in America easier… blah, blah, blah.  I did learn that wild turkeys can run up to 55 miles an hour, though.)

If there could be a middle brother, though, allow me to suggest this – hard salami. 

You may wonder, “Why hard salami?”  I say, “Because.”  If you’re lucky to already have hard salami as a part of your holiday meal, then you can stop reading.  For those that don’t understand… here is my back up response to because:

  • Even though it thinks it’s hard, it’ s really easy.
  • It’s like giant pepperonis, but better.  (And I sure love me some pepperoni.)
  • I don’t know what they put in it, and I don’t want to know.  It keeps it mysterious.
  • I could eat it every single day, even if faced against something from Taco Bell.  (Only if either item was free, though.  If I had to pay, I’m sure the Taco Bell would be cheaper and thus win.)
  • It’s great with mozzarella on a plain bagel.  Trust me.
  • I bet it would be Jack Bauer’s favorite food.

(SIDENOTE: When Google image searching “hard salami,” I was afraid of what might come up.  The following was a pleasant surprise.)

Rachel Bilson... hard salami...too easy.

Rachel Bilson... hard salami...too easy.

Happy Find… Maria Bamford

Posted on by sgottahurt

Don’t know what it is about Maria Bamford, but after watching this, I was wiping tears from my eyes.  It wasn’t that I was laughing too hard… it was because I was crying.

I first discovered Maria when she was on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!” 

Click here to see the must-see clip, whether you like the clip above or not.  Thisssss – I command!

(from MilkandCookies)

InASense, Lost… Frightening Stuffed Dogs

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s Christmas, and as Perry Como likes to claim (even though he’s lying!), “The traffic is terrific!”

I, myself, on the other hand, insert foot in mouth, would like to point out something that is not so terrific, and may in fact be terrifying.  Check out this ad for a toy that takes the “Pound Puppies” into the “Bratz” teritory (sorry… got on an italics kick).  World meet “Tini Puppini“:

As the Little Drummer Boy might ask, “Do you hear what I hear?”  Go back to about the 0:22 mark on the video.  Besides the overall sluttiness we’re selling to our youth (which I don’t personally don’t have a problem with because when these girls turn 18… yowza!), do we really have to sell slutty dogs, too?

Okay, now if you heard “You’re such a ho!” I want you to go back and listen again with this pun in mind: “You’re such a howl!”  Did you do it?  You won’t hear ho again after knowing that’s what they say.

Anyho, I was kidding about the slutty kid thing above… It really is scary that backwards-ass parents would even consider wrapping up anything like this or “Bratz” dolls for their daughters as a gift.  I say, let girls become ho’s on their own terms, in their own time.  They don’t need dolls and stuffed animals to rush them.  Or shorts or sweatpants with writing on the butt… As much as I love reading asses, kids should have a clean slate.

BONUS SCARY STUFFED ANIMAL ACTION (via The Ghost Hunters via The Soup):

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I Am Thankful For… Greg Evigan

Posted on by sgottahurt

As Thanksgiving quickly approaches, each of us should give pause and thank the heavens above for all the things that have enrichened our lives.  Today, I am thankful for Greg Evigan, and these are the reasons why, in no particular order:
  • I learned all about Molotov Cocktails from him (courtesy of his TV show, “BJ and the Bear”).
  • He introduced the world to Staci Keanan, and my dreams to Staci Keanan (courtesy of his show, “My Two Dads”).  Whatever happened to Staci beyond “Step By Step?”  And why did Paul Reiser get another show?
  • He brought us the film “DeepStar Six,” which jumpstarted the career of Famke Janssen.  No wait.  She was in “Deep Rising.”  And, oh yeah.  How could I forget she was Xenia Onatopp in “GoldenEye?”  Moving on…
  • He taught me about two-way mirrors, and how to beat them.  It was some episode of “BJ and the Bear” where people were spying on strippers or something.  Because the reflection started at the contact point, as opposed to starting centimeters apart, that was proof it was a two-way mirror.  You could see through the mirror if you had another piece of your own.  I don’t know if any of this is true, but I’ve kept it locked away for future use because you never know.
  • Briana.  Evigan.  (“Step Up 2″… “Step By Step”… weird…)
  • Then there’s always “BJ and the Bear,” of course.

If The Hoff Can Unite Two Countries, What Can I Do?

Posted on by sgottahurt

A recent discussion at the bar prompted an exchange about what song can get a random alcoholic’s head bopping (and sometimes, toe tapping).  I proposed this ditty (not to be confused with Diddy, who as yet, has not sampled this song):

Another person at the bar whole-heartedly disagreed and brought up this tune as the great anthem:

RUFKM?  I barely remembered that song (although one can never forget David Hasselhoffmeister).  I argued it couldn’t qualify as a head bopping, toe tapper.  He had to remind me of this:
(Continued after the jump) Read More

InASense, Lost… Naked Chocolate

Posted on by sgottahurt

Anthropomorphizing candy is one thing, sexualizing it is another.  Making an M&M nude falls somewhere off the charts.

Today is chock full of disillusionment.  I’m going to bed early.

Lost Footage From Magnum P.I?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Apparently the biggest mystery about Season 4 of “Lost” is how I missed this.  Thanks to Topless Robot’s Twitter (that sounds way worse than what it is), I am no longer in the dark.  Is Higgins behind Dharma?  You be the judge.