TV

A Handful Of… Show’s Not Given A Fair Shake On TV (And “Too Bad It’s Cancelled” Lists)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This little list came to light courtesy of my pal Chris lamenting a few shows that have come to pass.  Two of them I had watched and whole-heartedly agreed with; one I had not watched but have since picked up on DVD for $14.99.

The one I will soon be watching: Life On Mars.  What’s there not to like about a cop getting hit by a car in 2008, waking up in 1973, and calling himself Luke Skywalker?  Add Harvey Keitel and bring to a hard-boiled pulp fiction.

Apparently I'm so out of the loop on this show, Rachel Lefevre and Colm Meaney (both on the right) never made it past the pilot.

The two I actually enjoyed quite a bit: Miss Guided and Kath & Kim.

Not pictured: Chris Parnell... He must have been at a viewing of "The Chronic-what!-cles of Narnia."

Miss Guided (not to be confused with Alicia Silverstone’s Miss Match) was about a high school counselor working at her alma mater with other former classmates.  That wasn’t used as a source of tomfoolery or chicanery; it just happened to be.  But they were entertaining characters in spite the “high-(school)-concept,” and I wish it couldn’t have been given more time.

Not pictured: dignity.

Kath & Kim was fairly unique for a couple of reasons:

  1. Its retro (?) gauche look.
  2. Its odd comic timing.
  3. It predates Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz’s new movie – Knight & Day – by two years.  (See… Kath’s last name is Day, and her beau’s last name is Knight.)
  4. I hate Selma Blair normally and I liked her on this show.

Though it took two episodes for me to get into this Australian remake, once I did, I appreciated the strange universe that Kath & Kim lived in.

It's like you don't know any of these people.

It’s Like, You Know… was another show that came to mind that never got a fair shake.  I watched it mainly because I was a fan of Chris Eigeman, king of the indie films I watched in college (most notably Kicking and Screaming – not the Will Ferrell version), and A.J. Langer (because she was cute).

It was about a guy (Eigeman) from New York that moved to Los Angeles and couldn’t get the lifestyle.  It premiered after I had moved back from L.A., so I had an extra appreciation for it maybe.  The best gag I remember from the show – nobody could recognize Jennifer Grey (who played herself) because she had a nose job.  It sounds mean, but it wasn’t.

"Yes, Dear," that is the second chick to babysit "Monk."

To me, this next show shares a distinct privilege with only one other show.  I must have watched the pilot for Boston Common more than five times before the next episode premiered (Pushing Daisies holds the paired seat).

What I remember enjoying so much about it was the perfect rhythm of its story mixed so well with natural humor. Anthony Clark was sincere (which was never attained ever on Yes, Dear); Traylor Howard was sassy (which she was able to showcase in the next show on my list, as well as Monk); and oh, I don’t know… it was charming.

Somebody lost count, apparently. And the pizza.

From the get-go of Two Guys and a Girl (née Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place), I knew Ryan Reynolds was going to be a big star.  It took a little longer than I expected (and a major workout regime), but I could tell his Chevy Chase-ish schtick was going to get him far.

This guy… I didn’t see it coming:

I guess he's not "that" big of a star... yet.

The last show in my A Handful of Show’s Not Given a Fair Shake on TV (and “Too Bad It’s Cancelled”) list is Stark Raving Mad, starring post-Wings Tony Shalhoub and post-Starship Troopers Neil Patrick Harris (you thought I was going to say say post-Doogie Howser, MD).

I was going to say I was stark, raving, mad this was cancelled, but I won't.

To think… if this show would have lasted, we may never have Adrian Monk and more importantly… Barney Stinson.

Beware of the Shelly Galezby area.

Happy Finds… Overdue Shout Outs To Some Nerd Sites

Posted on by sgottahurt

They might not update that often, but these are a few sites i enjoy checking up on from time to time.

Toys!

You want toys!

Then head on over to Weirdo Toys to find the likes of this!

Once upon a time, also found in my basement.

Cartoons!

You want cartoons!

Then allow me to present Worst Cartoons Ever!

Azula (from "Avatar: The Last Airbender") was picked the best villain after The Joker (from "Batman")... I can't complain about that.

Comics!

You want comics!

Well if you want comics (and TV and movies), then look no further than Atomic Gadfly!

Currently, there's a very interesting article about Don Glover's bid to play Peter Parker in the new Spider-Man reboot.

The final nerd site I’d like to recommend… this one!

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? South Park-tisan Politics

Posted on by sgottahurt

South Park creators (and in my opinion, geniuses) Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never taken any sides politically (via Wikipedia, of course):

Yeah, we have seen that. What we’re sick of—and it’s getting even worse—is: you either like Michael Moore or you wanna fuckin’ go overseas and shoot Iraqis. There can’t be a middle ground. Basically, if you think Michael Moore’s full of shit, then you are a super-Christian right-wing whatever. And we’re both just pretty middle-ground guys. We find just as many things to rip on the left as we do on the right. People on the far left and the far right are the same exact person to us. – Trey Parker

Okay, so they consider themselves middle-ground.  But what about their infamous foursome – Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny.  I placed them on the chart according to what I thought they represented.

  • Stan as Liberal/Centrist

Known for having little faith in the adults of the town, he’s supported most of the things that Democrats support: gay rights, civil liberties, and the separation of Church and State.  Having said that, he tries to distance himself from any political parties whatsoever.  And remember, this is the kid that refused to eat veal and grew vaginas all over his body.

  • Kyle as Liberal/Libertarian

Being of Jewish decent, he must be part Democrat. But otherwise, he favors limited government intervention, hence the Libertarian slant.  He’s considered the smartest of the four, and he’s least likely to fall in tow with the group’s wackier plans.

Libertarian’s worldview:

We hold that all individuals have the right to exercise sole dominion over their own lives, and have the right to live in whatever manner they choose, so long as they do not forcibly interfere with the equal right of others to live in whatever manner they choose.

Kyle’s worldview (via Wikipedia):

Either it’s all okay, or none of it is… (in regard to whether any subject should remain off-limits to satire)

Not really close to the same, but it’s something.

  • Kenny as Republican/Centrist

Aren’t all poor rednecks right-leaning heathens?  Moving on…

  • Cartman as Totalitarian/Republican/Fascist

More Totalitarian than anything else, it’s his way or the highway.  And then there’s always this:

"Respect my authoritah!"

Drunken Recollection… A New Phrase For You – “Map In The Ass”

Posted on by sgottahurt

No relation to Gooding, Jr.

This has to be one of the best bar stories of all time, and my apologies if I don’t get this right.

Dakota (a friend of mine) knew this kid that claimed his father was a pilot during the Bay of Pigs invasion.  Part one of his story:

My dad was called to active duty and was ordered to fly to Playa Girón to drop some bombs on Cuba.  But the thing was… he wasn’t allowed to bring a map.  But he really needed a map, so he hid it in his butt.

He couldn’t bring a map of Cuba to Cuba in case he was caught going to the place he had a map of how to get to?  Moving on to paht two:

So as my dad was closing in on his target, hand ready to pull the lever, a call came in over his radio… ”Tahm, don’t drop tha bahms!’  It was President Kennedy!

So according to this kid, not only was his father one of the very few Americans involved in the invasion, but JFK was on a first name basis with him.

Hence the new phrase for you – “map in the ass.”  It’s code for “a lie pulled out of your ass.”

Tah dah!

Another item of discussion – what is the layout of the office on The Office?

This is the best version I’ve found online (and it’s not 100% up-to-date):

Does Vance Refrigeration use its lease space as effectively?

Here’s the map I pulled out of my ass:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

Happy Finds… SNL Skits (And Tina Fey Bits) You May Not Have Seen

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is partly out of boredom at work (okay, it’s mostly out of boredom at work).

You see, my boss Paul (and friend – he’s definitely friendly today) once told me about an old Saturday Night Live sketch that involved Will Ferrell fighting a monkey.  It sounded hilarious, but I could never find it online.

Today, we searched.  We found.  We laughed.  I share.

Okay, so I don't share right away. It auto-played, so I moved the video to after the jump.

So I started poking around the TripleDoubleU for more random skits, and I found this unfamiliar character, The Falconer.  It’s funny despite itself…

I put his video after the jump so Will Ferrell wouldn't be alone...

Then this last bit isn’t the complete sketch.  Apparently, it was cut from the actual taping, but I caught a hint of it during the SNL special about the last decade of the show.  If you like Tina Fey, you may be sad this sketch didn’t make it to air.  If you like like Tina Fey, you will be sad.  Thank Hulu for YouTube!

(Videos on next page) Read More

A Handful Of… Songs That Have Made Me, Um, Cry

Posted on by sgottahurt

This idea occurred to me after seeing whatever commercial uses Gene Wilder singing Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  (To be fair, I’m pretty sure it’s for a certain telecommunication company, but since my cell phone can’t hold a call, my memory can’t hold a sponsor.)

Anygobstopper, here’s the original scene from the movie to move you:

What a haunting melody… man, was that movie dark or what?

Another classic that chokes me up fairly consistently: Harry Chapin’s Cat’s in the Cradle.

Damn, just looking these up is killing me.  Curse you Five for Fighting, and your 100 Years.

The next two are definitely more personal than the above, but no less inherently tear-jerky (well, perhaps one is more so than the other): Mike + The Mechanics’ The Living Years and Joe Jackson’s Steppin’ Out.

And finally Sarah McLachlan’s Angel gets a mention because of the ASPCA TV ads, not for City of Angels.

Wow.  This post wasn’t funny at all.  Let me remedy that with an anecdote I heard about Arnold Schwarzenegger today:

While golfing, the Governator asked an opponent, “When was you last blowjob?”  The guy responds with a laugh, “A couple nights ago, I guess.”  Then while the guy’s taking his swing, Arnie adds in the Terminator’s voice, “How did it taste?”   Needless to say, the guy choked (pun!)…

Finis.

(anecdote via Dakota and here)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Unfortunately, LOST

Posted on by sgottahurt

I need to invent a version of this called "Draw Your Own Conclusions - LOST Edition"...

I wanted to love it.  I really did.

But ever since the “origin story” of Jacob and the Man In Black in the episode titled, Across the Sea (from a whole two weeks ago), I started having my doubts.  Blame it on seeing The Man Behind the Curtain.  Blame it on seeing bad-ass Darth Vader getting called Annie by a fish-rabbit.  But witnessing the beginnings of the enigmatic answer-holders toThe Island made us all realize they held no answers – only more questions.

Last week’s episode – What They Died For – continued illuminating Desmond’s path of getting the other passengers of Oceanic 815 to remember where they’d been, and it gave me hope again about the show’s finale.

So what went wrong, in my opinion?  Oddly, I’d say over-explanation.

That’s when you say, What?!  But they didn’t explain anything!

And that’s when I’d say, let me explain:

THE OVER-EXPLANATION

Jacob and the Man In Black were simply better as ageless entities.  They’ve been referred to as Yin and Yang; Right and Wrong; God and Satan; Alpha and Omega; Coke and Pepsi.  And they were much better for the mystery of it.  The second they became brothers manipulated by another who-the-hell-is-this, I understood the reason for the setup was to explain the Candidates. But they still could have remained ageless entities, searching throughout all of human civilization (from Atlantis to the Egyptians to Dharmaville) for their replacements.

INDIANA JONES AND THE EXPLANATION OF LOST

Remember how everybody loves  Raiders of the Lost Ark and everybody hates Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?  Let’s use the good and the bad to explain the ugly that was The End.

As the finale progressed, and each of our star-crossed survivors found each other again, I’ll admit that I was eating it up.  Although what ultimately happened didn’t mesh with what I hoped would happen,  that’s still not the only reason the ending didn’t make me completely happy.

So let’s turn LOST into ROTLA to examine the reason why.  For the entire movie, Indiana Jones has been fighting Nazis and greedy archaeologists to find the LOST Ark first.  This man of science and history has been turned into a man of faith, à la Jack Shephard.

But whereas in ROTLA, Indy’s true faith was tested, I fear Jack’s was not (at least not as effectively, because WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE ISLAND, THE LIGHT, AND THAT POOL?!).  And what happened after that would have been like Indy dying and going to purgatory/limbo/Mu/”the waiting place” to finally be happy with Marion Ravenwood (which I would have probably preferred over KOTCS).

It’s not a Snickers bar.  It’s hardly satisfying.  And it renders everything that happened on The Island and in the Sideways Reality pointless.  If this was a Nirvana they subconsciously created, why would they have invited murder, deception, and new kids like David, to exist?

Which brings me back to Jack and the Beanstalk, I mean, Fountain.  I couldn’t believe that even a part of me was hoping an alien or an ancient being would appear like the creatures in KOTCS to shed some insight into it all.  But no.  Not a thing.

I have to live with the stupid, frozen, Island-moving, donkey wheel being relegated to an idea Man In Black devised.

I have to live with the fact that Charles Widmore was nothing more than anybody else.

I have to live with the notion that Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Miles, Richard, and Frank were the only ones that escaped the Island… maybe.

WHAT MY HOPE EVOLVED INTO AS THE SHOW NEARED ITS END

I started hoping that the Sideways Story was an alternate reality created by the nuclear bomb detonation (hence Juliet’s claim, “It worked.”)

I started thinking that Desmond’s true purpose was to help guide all the survivors’ consciousnesses to this reality from the original reality so they could live happily ever after.

I started wondering if Miles would somehow not end up on the Ajira plane, allowing only Frank and Richard to make their escape since they were not shown in the Sideways Story, and the Island would have been destroyed, taking everyone else in the process.

But instead, all I got was an ending that was simply a Sideways Version of the South Park episode, Dead Celebrities:

The Final Church Scene from LOST

JusWondering… Who Needs More Help With Their Local Logos?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Although this tourism commercial for the state of Ohio was not as hastily made as these ads for Cleveland, it still feels like a video I’d make to try to get people to come over my house.

Hey everybody, I have a big screen TV!  It’s 50 inches, but it’s rear projection and not widescreen, but it lights up my living room in the night!

I have a Nintendo Wii, an XBox 360, and a Playstation 3, as well!  Except, I don’t have any batteries for my WiiMotes, my 360 isn’t hooked up to XBox Live, and I only have one controller for my PS3!

But I do have Pizza Rolls in my freezer, as well as a bottle of Southern Comfort!  Also, there are six cans of Miller Lite in my fridge, but you’ll have to turn on the kitchen light because the bulb in the fridge has been burnt out for years!

Come to my house!

Besides those commercials, they run terrible radio ads I haven’t been able to find.  So instead, howzabout a couple of local Michigan companies that could have taken another pass at designing their company logos:

And if you're for the opposing team, F U!

And if this doesn’t make you raise your rooftop, I don’t know what will:

"Garages Gone Wild"

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Meet Spongebob Drescher And Fran Squarepants

Posted on by sgottahurt

My brother caught this one and brought it to my attention…

Fran Drescher and Spongebob Squarepants share the same (or at least similar) annoying laugh.  If the proof is in the pudding, hopefully you enjoy marble and lemon meringue on your tongue.

THE MARBLE PUDDING (a chocolate and vanilla remix of a video I posted elsewhere…)!

THE LEMON MERINGUE PUDDING (because I like neither that flavor nor Mr. S.S…)!

BONUS PUDDING!

BONUS FOOD FOR THOUGHT THAT’S NOT PUDDING!

Bill Murray played Peter Venkman and Garfield on film; Lorenzo Music played Peter Venkman and Garfield on TV.

Via Wikipedia:

Since Lorenzo Music’s death, Frank Welker has often replaced him as the voice of Garfield the Cat in recent productions of the Garfield franchise… Frank Welker also provided the voice of Ray Stanz on The Real Ghostbusters, and Music… was replaced by Dave Coulier when Bill Murray complained to the studio that his character (Peter Venkman) sounded too much like Garfield.