Somewhere in this world (probably Los Angeles, and not because of City of Angels) an angel earned its wings. If this could become a trend by Christmas, I will be looking forward to waiting in line at the airport. NBC News in L.A, take it off away:
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Let me begin by saying that although I do enjoy the show, Detroit 1-8-7 is not Detroit enough for me. Like the misnomer in the title (187 is the California penal code for “murder,” not Detroit’s), it’s a lighter look at this shitty city. It’s the equivalent to calling Detroit a doo-doo city.
Nonetheless, I’m happy for what it’s doing for the local community. It’s work. It’s a beacon of hope. And it co-stars Erin Cummings:
Erin Cummings:
Erin Cummings:
Erin Cummings:
(Pssst! It means she lives here!)
(Pssst! Put her in the show more so she stays here!!!1!!!ONE!)
As I sit and watch my Detroit Lions blow their chance to obliterate the Dallas Cowboys (and former Lions quarterback, John Kitna) and walk away with the better record of 3-7 vs. 2-8, I’ve decided to discover and uncover the beauty that is Candice Swanepoel.
It took me a little while to figure who she was after seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and I’ve done it! Unlike the Lions (they didn’t do it)…
To erase the loss from my memory, here’s Candice in a cowgirl costume:
Yee-haw!
The rest is pure bonus:
She may not be a lioness, but she's close...
The Lions will be flying home for another game on Thanksgiving!
Here's to hoping they can clean up their own mess. I, on the other hand, could use Ms. Swanepoel's help.
BONUS! BONUS! VIDEO!
First, I could deal with it when Back to the Future celebrated its 25th Anniversary:
Remember that Saturday Night Live skit where Dana Carvey kept singing, "Gotta go back in time" to Michael J. Fox while they were in an elevator? Yeah, neither do I.
Then it kind of stunned me when I found out Super Mario Bros was also 25 years old (watch the video on the linked site for some digital nostalgia):
Are we sure this wasn't an Atari 7800 game?
And then! I found out Elmo from Sesame Street has been around for a quarter century:
He's the one that's not Grover.
But this was the last straw… the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle happened 5×5 years ago:
(Bonus Elmo and Ricky Gervais video after the jump) Read More
Allow me to begin with an apology. I initially wanted this post to be about Katy Perry’s glorious set of… vocal pipes… but Best Week Ever beat me to the punch (italicized spelled-out sad face because I’m not found of emoticons).
So instead you get this: I was thinking about the career path of writer/director/Actor! Tyler Perry, and all of a sudden I couldn’t help but to be reminded of another writer/director/Actor! named Ed Burns.
If you need a refresher, here’s Perry:
He did not look like this for his cameo in "Star Trek."
As a refresher, here’s Burns:
Did I neglect to mention he's married to Christy Turlington?
So despite any glaring differences, how could I compare them?
And that’s why Tyler Perry is Ed Burns 2.0.
Whoo, boy… you’re going to have to sit down for this one because itza doozy, lemme tell you.
Garfield creator Jim Davis recently apologized for this:
Talk about "Wooof" (see the last post)
I mean, it’s not only an affront to this nation’s veterans (you read the linked article above, right?)*, but it’s also terribly…
…not funny.
Seriously, why the fuck is this shit still being produced and published? I’d have to harken back to a time in my youth when I looooved Garfield, but even now, I’m hard-pressed to recall if I ever thought the strip was humorous.
I think my reason for liking him stems from the fact that he was the first character I taught myself how to draw, or it’s simply because I had limited options outside of Peanuts, Blondie, and Cathy. (This time frame falls well before the genius that was Calvin & Hobbes, and his pissed-off merchandising rip-offs. And come to think of it, at this time in my life, I did enjoy ABC’s TGIF lineup.)
In closing, this atrocity needs to meet its end, and if he’s lucky… maybe we’ll celebrate a National Stupid Day in his honor.
*It was published on Veteran’s Day.
I think I watch too much TV. I know I watch too much TV. So this means I dream a lot about TV. As for improvised drug use… not so much. But that doesn’t mean any such acts are off-limits in the subconscious.
(SIDENOTE: What unfortunately seems to be off-limits is anything above a PG-13 rating.)
So anyVH1, I recently had a dream involving these three reality stars:
Kourtney Kardashian - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi - Audrina Patridge
And we were just hanging out at a night club doing whip-its (not to be confused with whipping hair). That’s it. Nothing provocative. I’m just using this to illustrate my boob tube influenced brain.
Which brings me to the actual point of this post… I can’t believe there isn’t a reality show called The Dog Walkers.
In one of my dreams, the show existed, and it took place in different cities, like The Real Housewives, or MLB games. But whereas this as a show might get boring:
How many are named Sparky?
This never will:
"Hold it 'til we get home. I forgot to bring bags!"
One more for prosperity:
It's because he can't see, you see.
Water… is life.
Water… is cleansing.
Water… is wet. What else can I say?
For these characters in TV and film, water is only wet. Lame opening? Waterever.
Here are A Handful Of characters that fear H2O.
This poor little guy can’t even drink beer without spawning bastard siblings.
Yes, I've used that joke before.
I wonder if Glenda the Good Witch could get wet. Maybe that came out wrong. That was still a bad choice of words…
"I really like Arby Meltings, I'm Meltings..."
Water would only turn this Peanuts character into Muddy.
The Muddy pun would have went better if his name was Dusty.
When you’re an alien that has acid blood, you avoid getting open wounds around water.
"I'd rather have ice in my veins..."
When you’re an alien that’s skin is so sensitive to water that it’s like acid, you avoid planets and creatures composed mostly of water. Or so you’d think…
"If I had ice in my veins, I'd die... Waah..."
Maybe he didn’t fear water so much before… you know…
"Hey mom, look at me! I'm splashing!"
Take it guy from this blog post:
Apes, for some reason, are deathly afraid of water, because in all their evolving they have never learned to swim. In fact, they are so afraid of water that when Mark Wahlberg is running away from them, across a river, he is literally only a few steps into the water when the apes stop pursuing them. The idea seems to be that they are afraid of drowning, but apparently they are afraid of getting wet at all. Ummm… okay.
"Orangutan I didn't say banana? Get it?"
I guess there’s a bunch of debating about the portrayal of these characters in the Lord of the Ring films, but by my summation, they’re afraid of water. It’s an elemental thing.
"It's also a horse-shaped tidal wave drowning us thing..."
This video will prove it once and for all:
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I don’t mean to go and spoil the below video, but spoil you I must:
Hulk's showing off his real American.
What in the flying fuck is this not only doing in a promo for a stupid looking video game, but why in the flying suplex is Hulk Hogan pulling out his thumb wrestler in front of his daughter Brooke?! Whether it’s real or not, it’s really dumb for real.
This could have also been filed under from The Shit To Just Shitty… behold:
I don’t find it strange that fans of this team:
The Detroit Lions currently have a better record than the Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys have won five Super Bowls to our zero!
Are also fans of these college football teams:
Hail Sadism and Masochism!
I imagine that their viewing parties look a little bit like this:
Pictured: Boba Fetish, with Slave I and Sluttrooper
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