Toys | monkeyBLOG monkeyDO

Happy Find… And A Surprisingly Sad Find

Posted on February 24, 2011 by sgottahurt

These two videos have already been out there for a week, and when I initially saw them, I thought they’d be huge – which they are. But since then, I haven’t been able to get them out of my head. So I figured I’d share them with you in case you haven’t caught them yet.

I’ll start with the sad one. It’s a preview for the video game Dead Island, and it’s quite haunting:

This one is quite the opposite. It involves a… well, I’ll let you watch and enjoy:

Worth 1002 Words… Rubik’s Brain Edition

Posted on February 18, 2011 by sgottahurt

Head Games

Some alternates:

Peeling Lobes
Twisted Mind
Splitting Headache

(source)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Namely, Britney’s Dance Moves

Posted on February 17, 2011 by sgottahurt

To this day, I still have no idea how this video ever got released:

Britney Spears was only 17 at the time, and unless my morals have changed a shit-ton since 1999, having a (slightly) underage girl writhing about in a navel-exposing school uniform seems unlikely to fly today.

Um, guess again... (click image for video)

But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about Britney’s dancing ability (or declining lack thereof).

Relax Chris Crocker, it's not going to be that bad...

I know she had a bad knee injury in 2004 (only because I looked it up), but the lack of moves in her new video for Hold It Against Me is tantamount to Aretha Franklin trying to dance.

At least in her (last?) video for Womanizer, she had the common sense to appear pretty much naked between dance moves.

Check out her latest, which is probably more about advertisement placement than anything else:

In closing, I guess I’m doing just like she said… I’m Holding It Against Her.

Bonus video after the jump… it’s about her tongue. Read More

InASense, Lost… I Didn’t Even Know They Were Broken Up

Posted on February 12, 2011 by sgottahurt

Sometimes ignorance is bliss (or is it always?), and this case of ignorance is a mixed bag.

On one hand, it’s good that I didn’t know this. On the other hand, how did I not know this? If I’m supposed to be on top of pop culture, how did Barbie and Ken’s breakup fly under my pink radar?

Well apparently, toy maker Mattel is letting the fans decide if they should get back together:

Just in time for Valentine's Day!

Since they’ve broken up in 2004, these are a few of the people the iconic doll has been documented as dating:

Blaine

*Not siblings

Alliteration is a popular device in poetry; it’s rarely regarded as all right in relationships. Blaine was introduced to the Barbie line of toys almost immediately after she and Ken broke up. Talk about moving fast. The Australian surfer was instantly popular, and Ken ~~wasn’t even manufactured~~ dropped off the grid for two years. A lot of people are crediting Barbie and Ken’s appearance in Toy Story 3 as the reason for the reignited romance… needless to say, Blaine has since fired his agent.

He-Man

Master of the Universe... not his domain

After a bit of a blow-up with Blaine, Barbie was caught going on a few dates with the alter-ego of Prince Adam. The reason she cited for the short courtship:

Let’s just say every time he passed a mirror, he couldn’t help but touch his… Orko. He was a chronic Master of His Universe.

Peter Venkman

Don't cross his stream.

Barbie was admittedly starstruck when she met the world-famous Ghostbuster. They only went on one date though, because he seemed haunted by his former lover, Dana Barrett. As all the celebrity tabloids perpetually pointed out, Dana dumped poor Peter for this guy:

Peter's been blue ever since...

Willrow Hood

Busy running from danger, with his trusty ice cream maker

Barbie met Willrow Hood while vacationing at Bespin City. She really thought it could go somewhere, but nothing would ever come between him and his ice cream maker. After this trip, she was offered her role in Toy Story 3, so the rest, as they say, happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

(SIDENOTE: BTW, they’re back together.)

Just Sh–ty To The Sh–? Or At Least Some Sh–?

Posted on February 4, 2011 by sgottahurt

Also acceptable: image of organ grinder... but not like one you'd see in the "Saw" series...

I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just say it…

THIS IS MY 1000th POST!

I didn’t know if I was going to do anything special, but I was informed of a little place on the TripleDoubleU called ValueTheWebsite, and I discovered these facts about monkeyBLOGmonkeyDO:

This site ranks as # 6,153,683 in the World (according to Alexa)
If I sold this site today, it’d be worth $4499!

That may not sound like much, but regular WordPress.com websites are valued at $67. I started this site October 12, 2008, so in 845 days, I turned $67 into $4499! That’s just over a 6700% increase!

If it was at all possible to keep this kind of growth up, in 2 years, 3 months, and 23 more days, mBmD would be valued at over $301,000…

…too bad money doesn’t exist in the TripleDoubleU. That’s Just Shitty.

Good thing I do this all for the love…

…which is also Just Shitty.

Also, too bad I didn’t do something better than this for my 1000th post…

…it’s, well, you get the point.

InASense, Lost… Good Ol’ Days Of Cross-Dressing

Posted on January 30, 2011 by sgottahurt

I don’t remember this commercial, so I guess that means I must have repressed it:

The only time any such imagery should be used would be in order to sell this:

Are there nuts in that tossed salad?

Awful Battle… Jaw Dropping Videos (A Progression In Three Parts)

Posted on January 24, 2011 by sgottahurt

This is a situation where it’s best for you to sit down. Yes, I realize you’re probably already sitting since you’re using a computer or mobile device to check out this awesome website, but I want your brain to sit down, too.

This will start off a simple enough exercise (literally) and will eventually end up with a simple enough exorcise (bonus literally). Be wary as you embark on this Awful Battle…

(SIDENOTE: I think that’s a dude in the last video…)

Hibbidy-Wah?! How Cool Would This Phone Be?!

Posted on January 21, 2011 by sgottahurt

At the mere mention of the phrase flip phone, I get the heebie-jeebies. Remember them?

And at first glance, this high-concept “flip phone” wouldn’t seem ideal:

For some reason this calls to mind those water noodle science toys. What the fuck were those things?*

But when you watch this video, you’ll see the light:

*”Those things” were called water snakes.

"Those things" make me very uncomfortable.

Here’s their video representation (pssst… it’s not as cool):

(via Engadget)

In My Brain While Sleeping… PokéBowling!

Posted on January 19, 2011 by sgottahurt

This is my second favorite idea that came to me in a dream of all time! (Most favorite is here.)

This one is for PokéBowling!

I spent more time trying to make this than I planned.

Basically, the game is a Nintendo Wii game that takes the best of the bowling portion in Wii Sports and mixes it with Pokémon characters.

Pika-turkey!

Each character would have its own attributes, like Pikachu’s electric split or Squirtle’s ten pin blast. And maybe the pins would be made of different elements, so you’d have to choose which creature would work the best against them. Who knows?

All I know is this:

It was a fun game.
This is proof that I thought of it, and if Nintendo ever releases something like it, hopefully this post holds up in court.

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