InASense, Lost… Create A Character Contest Strikes Back!

In 1985, this happened:

This was from the back of the funny pages, and it was serious.

So I decided to enter the contest, and at age ten, I created these characters:

I entered all of the above except for CARRYVAN, and the one I didn't even like called PUPPY HOG.

For entering so many characters (I guess), I won this playset:

My mom offered to take it back to the store to get something else. I refused. I played with it once.

These ended up being the finalists:

What the fuck?

Fearless Photog won the vote, but no toy was ever made.  At this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, it was announced that there would finally be a toy:

You're still kidding me, right?

But there was one bit of satisfaction I was always able to maintain.  Mattel ripped off my Elephantom!

They gave him a robot head and dubbed him Snout Spout.

But now, there’s this:

Victory will be mine!

I will keep you posted on my final entries.  Yes, there will be many.

————————————————————————————————————-

In case you were interested, here are each of the character’s write ups as they were when I was ten:

C.A.R.’s a small, weak wimp that can be Crushed And Restored. But every time he’s crushed by Evil, he gets mad, and when he gets mad, he gets bigger and stronger and wants revenge.  Only He-Man can talk him out of this vengeance he want.  But every time he’s crushed by Good, he gets courageous.

I guess I didn’t like that idea.  Why would good guys crush him?

When Ill-Yusion sways his hands illusions appear.  Anything he thinks of at the time will become an illusion.  Also, he is always ill.  So anytime he coughs or sneezes, an illusion will appear or disappear.

He was always ill?  Who saw that coming?

Ticklon has four arms.  The two upper arms tickle a victim and the two lower arms grab the weapons.  So there is no need for a weapon of his own with arms like this.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Kangaruin (then named Kangaroo Man) has a pouch to keep things hidden.  Can jump to the length of 50 feet and can jump as high as 20 feet.  His hands and feet are very powerful.  He can punch or kick through any solid material.

Liquid materials, forget it.

Walrusaur (then named Walrus Man) has stun rays in his teeth. His teeth can also eat through 3/5 of any material except lime stone, like the walls of Castle Grayskull.  His flipper hands and feet make him a good swimmer (and slapper).

There should have been more slapping in He-Man cartoons.

Elephantom – The ghostly elephant whose trunk can stretch miles until the enemy’s caught. Weighs nothing with unbelievable strength.

Snout Spout was only shown in the He-Man & She-Ra Christmas Special, and some She-Ra episodes, although I never saw those.

She-Yuld – Her shields create invisible force fields that keeps gathering around.  Once finished, ricochets anything that hits them.  Her shields have magnetic forces under them, too.

I don’t get what any of that means.

Clustor (Tartor, Ropego, and Gluestick together) – Tartor alone shakes his leg and gooky tar flies; Ropego alone has a rope arm and buzzsaw spurs on his heels; Gluestick alone spits glue from his mouth.  Together as Clustor they are stronger than ever: streams of glue from the mouth, a more controllable rope arm, and buckets of tar from the legs of Clustor.

Gluestick was the best I could come up with?

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… The Toys That Got Away

The year is 2006.  The 20th Anniversary Edition Optimus Prime has just been released.  Upon hearing this, something else might have been released… in my pants…

When I was a child, there was nothing I wanted more than Optimus Prime.  The problem was that he cost $20, and I had a difficult time saving up a score of buckeroos.  There was always something else I wanted that cost exactly what I had, so alas… no Optimus Prime.

UNTIL NOW:

Hellz yes.

My dream has been not only met, but exceeded.  This celebratory edition may not include the weapons base trailer, but he looks just like the cartoon – in robot and vehicle form!  It’s an insane representation!

So what broken dreams are left floating around my adolescent heart, you wonder?

They are, in no particular order:

  • Centurions – Wild Weasel

This went to Sam Rockwell, right? It was Jake Rockwell? Oh well.

You might not remember Centurions for their cartoon or toys (there were 65 episodes produced!), but I will never forget this cool vehicle idea.  In retrospect, the real world application of it wouldn’t fly roll past production, and in further analysis, I probably liked it because it reminded me of TRON (you probably don’t remember that old 1982 movie either).

  • Star Wars – Tatooine Skiff

Everybody wanted this; nobody had it.

This one still didn’t live up to the Desert Skiff we all wanted with every fiber of The Force, but it was better than what was originally offered.  And too bad it came out after I started collecting M.A.S.K.

  • M.A.S.K. – Razorback

This car could arch its back. For some reason.

I still consider M.A.S.K. the best toy collection of my youth (StarCom was a close second), plus I was blessed in prolonging my longing for the vehicles I missed the first time around when they were getting dumped in KayBee Toy Stores years after they were gone from store shelves… on clearance.  I never got a second chance to get Razorback, but I still have dreams about finding them still (this is 100% true).

  • Transformers – Grimlock

Me, Sean, want Grimlock badly.

Perhaps there’s a 20th Anniversary Grimlock on the horizon?  How about 25th30th?

Awesome Battle… Little Boppers Vs. Pocket Rockers

I’ve decided to refocus on what these Awful/Awesome Battles are supposed to be… battles between things that are awful or awesome or both.

In this case, it’s Little Boppers vs. Pocket Rockers.  Which was the better musical toy of the 80’s?

I would declare portable music the winner because it’s functional (and fashionable), but then you have to take into account these were the bands available, things kind of change:

What I find (or declare) interesting is the background music in each of the commercials is twenty years older than the product they’re selling.  For the Little Boppers, the song is from 1965:

  • The Gentrys – Keep on Dancing

As for the Pocket Rockers, the song is from 1969, and it couldn’t have any more of a different sound:

  • Creedence Clearwater Revival – Down on the Corner

Based upon the theme songs alone, I would have chosen CCR and therefore, Pocket Rockers, the winner.  But the ad company behind them changed the lyrics, whereas those mad men behind Little Boppers did not fuss with The Gentrys.

So after careful deliberation, I still declare Pocket Rockers the champ.  What can I say, I love songs with changed lyrics!  Except, of course, in this case:

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… First Toy In Each Collection

Omigodomigodomigodomigod!  This post imagines what my blog might have looked like if I had one when certain things happened.  This edition takes us way back to 1995…

Omigodomigodomigodomigod!

I am loath to admit this, but I’ve literally dreamed of this day for years.  Or at least for the years that there were no new Star Wars action figures on the shelves of stores.

THERE ARE NEW STAR WARS ACTION FIGURES ON STORE SHELVES… er, I mean… HOOKS!

This is the first one I’ve purchased:

Imagine James Earl Jones saying: "This... is Chewbacca."

This got me recollecting (ha!) about the first toys in each of my collections.  Join me as I walk down memory lane…

  • 1985 – M.A.S.K.

Secret raiders working overtime fighting crime!

Let’s be honest – it’s not really been ten years since I’ve purchased toys.  Having a little brother to spoil means never having to stop.  But this is definitely the last collection I had that was my own, and it all started with Condor.  I remember asking for this, not even really knowing what it was.

  • 1984 – The Transformers

More than meets the eye!

I was dying to get any Transformer for what seemed like forever.  I really wanted Optimus Prime, but he cost twenty bucks!  Having read the giant-sized coloring book long before these figures were released, I really took a shine to Jazzz (he had three Z‘s in the coloring book).  The trick was this – my mom wasn’t too keen on me starting new collections that were similar to other one’s I started.  I already had Gobots, so Transformers were kind of off the radar… until my aunt took my sisters and I shopping.  I had the eight dollars it cost, and I begged her to let me buy it.  She used the payphone to double-check, and my mom relented.

  • 1983 – Gobots

We came out before Transformers!

Memories are fuzzy, and so it goes with this.  The way I recall it all, there were animated commercials advertising Transformers long before they came out.  AND THOSE COMMERCIALS BLEW MY EIGHT YEAR OLD MIND.  Robots that transformed into cars and planes and guns?  Sign me up!  Well, they were nowhere in sight, so the Gobots had to do.  And they did.  Until I got Jazz.  I still think Leader-1 was one of the best, but Gobots could never overcome their horrible names (Scooter the Scooter, Tank the Tank, Cop-Tur the Helicopter, Loco the Locomotive…)

  • 1980 (?) – LEGO

My first set

I don’t remember exactly when I started getting “big kid” LEGOS, but I know this was my first set.  The reason I say, “big kid,” is because when I first saw the LEGO spacemen at one of my parents’ friend’s houses prior to getting this set, that’s what I was told.

  • 1979 – Star Wars

Obviously, my figure said "Star Wars" - not ROTJ.

I distinctly (and weirdly) recall receiving this from Santa, and I was fascinated by this strange action figure.  Was he a space policeman?  He had a gun and a helmet.  Was he a space fireman?  He was wearing orange.  All I know is that I hadn’t seen the original film yet, and I was hooked.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE PREQUELS!

Happy Finds… Googly Ey– Eff That! Yachts With Volcanoes!

I am a man of simple tastes.

My three favorite foods are (probably in this order):

  1. Pizza
  2. Cheeseburgers
  3. Tacos

I drink Mountain Dew and Miller Lite.  I shop at Target.  And I thought finding this site was enough of a Happy Find.

I mean, c’mon… googly eye magnets!

Look how shocked this hammer is!

But then I found about this:

Imagine the googly eye magnets you could put on that!

You can see more pictures here, but I bet one thing is for sure…

Your face looks a lot like the hammer right now.

JusWondering… Why Did Rappers Pick Those Names?

What do these two items have in common?

They are the very items that Tracy Marrow and O’Shea Jackson chose to name themselves after.

"We like our beverages very cold!"

Everyone knows what Ice-T and Ice Cube were like back-in-the-day, and what they are like now-in-the-day.

Ice-T is James Bonding; Ice Cube is family bonding.

I just think it’s strange that in the earliest stages of their careers, they chose to name themselves after the above items.

old school mr t

Or in Ice-T's case, maybe this guy.

I was thinking if they wanted to there are plenty of other ice names they could have went with:

  • Ice Corpse
  • Ice Knife
  • Ice Bullet
  • Ice Rink

Okay, maybe they are all that great, but what would you think of this music group:

vanilla ice strawberry shortcake tay zonday

Neo-POP-litan!

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… That Hits The Spock!

This series of posts imagine “what if I had a blog back then?”  I originally was not ever going to use YouTube videos if the post took place before the site’s inception, but– it’s my blog, so I can change my own rules.  You could presuppose that if there was a forum to blog within back in 1981, there would have been a version of YouTube… and I would have been six years old…

It reminds me of CBS' Special Presentation logo.

According to the dictionary, Magnavox translates to “great voice” in Latin.  I think it should translate into “great products.”  First, they invented home video game machines, with the Odyssey.  Then they came out with neato-peato 19-inch color TV’s.  Then they made the Odyssey 2!

I can’t wait for their newest product… the Laser Disc.  They look like shiny records, or something that Spock would have played Frisbee with on Star Trek.  That’s probably why they use Actor! Leonard Nimoy in the commercials.  Since he went off In Search Of new technologies, he probably never thought he’d be stopping at one place.  And that one place is MAGNAVOX!

If this is just a small sign of the wonders they can accomplish, they will be industry leaders for years – and decades – to come!

REFERENCES:

  • Odyssey Video Game System commercial
  • Odyssey 2 Video Game System commercial

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SCeTpWzpys&h=300&w=400]

  • 19″ TV commercials
  • Magnavision Laser Disc Player commercial
  • CBS Special Presentation shirt

This kind of reminds me of Magnavox's logo.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Gimme My (Sister’s) Cabbage Patch Any Day….

I was originally going to right about the undercurrent of wrongness in these real video games:

Is the horse talking in the title of this game?

How about you say, "I Really Like..." instead?

But then I found these:

Bring me back to "I Love Horses!"

They’re called Reborn Dolls.

"They're coming to get you, Barbara..." is stuck in my head, for some reason.

And I guess they’re the exact opposite – and somehow the equivalent – of RealDolls (NSFW BTW).

Welcome to Uncanny Valley, Population: 1

I’d write more, but they’re creeping me out!

Drunken Recollection… To Fight A Zombie

The infamous they say there’s more than one way to skin a cat.  Which is gross.  The infamous they should really say:

There’s more than one way to fight a zombie.

While drinking, many options were discussed.  It was basically like that scene in Pulp Fiction when Bruce Willis decides what tool of destruction to unleash on Zed.  From bat to chainsaw to sword to Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man, we ran the gamut.

But then I realized I would want to use the same devices on zombies that I would on idiots in this country:

A lightsaber and a jetpack

Also, it should be mentioned that this same night, I met a “local ballerina” that looked just like this:

"Would you like a dance? Or a hand up your ---?"

The Sh– To The Bigger Sh–… Shine On, Shine On, iLuminate!

I don’t know how long these videos will be available on YouTube, but I have to share despite the risk (comment below if they are gone and I’ll find new ones).

I don’t know much about iLuminate other than they appeared on America’s Got Talent, and my friend that introduced me to them not only claims they will win, but he will pay to go see them.

Here’s their most recent performance on AGT:

Here’s their tryout:

Here’s what I believe is their inspiration: