Harken back in time, my friends, to the year 1996, years before this website existed.  Relive the days when “blog” was a misspelling of “bologna”; experience the moments before Al Gore began his work inventing the TripleDoubleU… (P.S. click on the song’s names below to see the video)

I predict this CD will stand the test of time.

Time spent shopping for cassettes has never been… weirder.  Don’t get me wrong – I like these songs musically.  And even the hooks seemed fine.  But upon repeated hearings in my truck, I’m not so sure these songs about family members are healthy.

• The Nixon’s Sister

This song at first seems like a lovely ode from a brother to a sister, but check out some of these lyrics:

Half of me breathes in you/ Thoughts of love remain true

Entwined you and I / Our souls speak from across the miles

I considered putting this song in my pocket to play at my own sisters’ weddings (if they ever get married), but I think I’ll pass.

• Tracy Bonham’s Mother Mother

Everybody knows this fine ditty.  Little Tracy isn’t too happy with her life, and she’s taking it out on her poor poor mother mother.

• Juliana Hatfield (Three)’s My Sister

Sure, this song is about two years old, but not only does it suck – IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!  Juliana Hatfield is an only child!  If only I had some way to prove it…  (Seriously, this song is horrible!)

• Pearl Jam’s Daughter

Talk about depressing!  (And irony by using an explanation point.  By the way, I wish people would be more ironic.  It’s so funny!)  This song from a three years back is about child abuse and kids with learning disorders, which thankfully, is still rare.  Once again, depressing!

• Madonna’s Papa Don’t Preach

Obvious story from a decade ago.  (Man, does time fly, or what?)  Girl gets “with child”… gets in fight “with papa”… I think that’s what it’s about, at least.  You could probably read more into it.  You could probably read less into it, too.

• Night Ranger’s Sister Christian

Another song about sisters… this time in the form of a cautionary tale about becoming a whore.  Released two years prior to Papa Don’t Preach (which is surprising considering its sound style), it could have been better titled, Brother Don’t Preach.

There are no songs I could think of that had brother in the title or son…

…maybe because most brothers and sons are healthy.

(SIDENOTE: I “finished” this blog post a year before Everclear’s Father of Mine was released in 1997, otherwise it, too, would have been included…)