Music

A Handful Of… Songs About Santa Monica

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I lived in West Los Angeles many El Niño’s ago (or were they La Niña’s?), there were two songs that always sort of inspired me to move there: Sheryl Crow’s All I Wanna Do and Everclear’s Santa Monica.  Even though I didn’t live in the exact city of Santa Monica, I lived as close as those two songs were actually about the city (more on that in a moment).  It was their sound that encapsulated the vibe I was seeking, and they hit the gauge in the earlobe.

Anymalibu, it was a recent song I’ve heard that made me realize that there’s been A Handful Of Songs About Santa Monica, and here they are:

This is the song that launched this post, and if you listen to its words… you’ll have no idea what it’s about, either.  He’s talking about someone being tied up and screaming and the British army gets a shout out.  He sings of Santa Monica throughout, but it could be a person rather than a place.  Malinowski’s Canadian and in a reggae band, so… that’s no help.  But I like the song, anyway.

This one specifically talks about Third Street Promenade, which was one of my favorite places to visit, but it’s more about getting lost, or feeling lost, or losing yourself in a popular public place.  I never heard this song before writing this post, but man, is it depressing…

Do all these artists want me to slit my wrists with a long board, or what?  This one’s about a break-up that begins with a bed full of gasoline.  Whether it’s figurative or literal is beside the point.

Finally, an upbeat song!  Wait, what?  It’s really about attempted suicide?!  Plus, it was also temporarily banned from airplay after the attacks on 9/11?  Good vibes gracious.

Man, I forgot how big of a crush I had on Sheryl Crow back in the day.  This song may not be about the city, but at least it’s a happy tune about urban ennui.  In other words, a rallying cry for day drunks on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Just Sh–ty To The Sh–? Is This Annoying Commercial Growing On Me?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Metro PCS is to all the other cell phone companies like a hot dog vendor is to chain restaurants.  It’s cheap, and if you need it, it’s food a phone.

For their latest ad campaign, they feature a very annoying song (as opposed to racist caricatures*) that for some reason is seeping into the part of my brain that likes hot dogs from street vendors… wait, that doesn’t sound right.

*If you don’t remember…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? L.I.B.E.R.A.L. Borrowing (Strikes Again!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s been awhile since I’ve had to combat liberal borrowing.  (Definition here.)  But this one goes deeper than you’d think (that’s not a preview pun)…

Have you ever heard of this song by João Brasil (featuring Lovefoxxx)?

As you have seen/heard, it’s called L.O.V.E. Banana.  Sound familiar?  (This post might even give you déjà vu.)

Madonna one-ups João Brasil by featuring two additional singers (I guess she two-ups him) – Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. (whom the kids nowadays L.U.V.)…

Anychiquita, did João Brasil find his inspiration somewhere else?

So did it happen on accident (Coinkydink?) or on purpose (Coinkydonk?)…

Either way, that shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Musical Musings… Some Lame Lame Songs

Posted on by sgottahurt

My cousin Steve sent me an email a while back in which he told me to watch a certain video.  He didn’t provide any context, or drinking game rules.  It was Joe Nichols’ If Nobody Believed In You.  Check it out for yourself:

So as I watched, I wondered what my cousin was trying to showcase.  The creepy guy watching a kid’s ballgame all alone?  The creepy guy staring down a downtrodden old man?  Was Heath Ledger pulling off a Tupac/Makaveli life-after-death reinvention?

Then I realized what he was trying to tell me – this song and video were lame.

A few other songs have popped back into my life lately that are just as – if not more – lame.  And I listen to a bunch of lame music as it is.  But instead of the sappy and maudlin I’d usually reserve for the designation lame, these are sort of well-written sappy and maudlin lame songs.

  • Soul Asylum – Misery

For some reason, my boss/friend Paul started singing this around the office, and dammit if it didn’t get stuck in my head.  He does this to me often since I’m very susceptible to earworms.  But this song is flat-out awful, despite lyrics like this:

They say misery
Loves company
We could start a company
And make misery

  • Heart – All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You

This I heard on the way to school.  (Yes, I’m back in school continuing education.)  I knew it better than I cared to remember.  Sample lyrics belted quite believably by Ann Wilson:

I said, here is the flower, here is the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Now, don’t try to find me, please don’t you dare
Just live in my memory, you’ll always be there

  • Debby Boone – You Light Up My Life

This seems like an easy one to pick on, but it was just featured in an episode of Raising Hope.  This is probably the queen of lame songs, and the list could go on and on from everything that followed this light-ning rod of goody-two-shoes-ness (as opposed to goody-three-shoes?)…

You know the lyrics:

A Handful Of… Collections Of Remakes

Posted on by sgottahurt

Is music made of paper?

Is music made of plastic?

Is music made of glas– okay, I’m not going to go on with this forever.

What I’m basically getting at is this: why do we recycle music?  I meant to write about this when Muppets: The Green Album came out, but I had better things to write about then, like this or this.

So now that the movie is coming out on DVD (or Blu-Ray… pick your poison), I feel it’s timely again… to share the CD’s in my collection that are collections of remakes.  I will rate them on a scale of up to five recycled Kermits, for no real reason.

Muppets: The Green Album

Keep it green. Recycle.

3 out of 5

This album made me realize I’m not as big of a Muppets fan as I thought.  I’m a fan of The Muppets Movie and its soundtrack – but not as much else.  And that made me sad.  Or should I say, blue.  Moving right along…

Honeymoon in Vegas Soundtrack

Rock N' Repeat

5 out of 5

I really liked this album, but then again, it was back when I had it on cassette.  It made me appreciate Elvis Presley a bit more than I did before, though, so there’s that hunk of burning knowledge for ya!

I Am Sam Soundtrack

I Am Sam I Am

4 out of 5

The same things goes with this collection of The Beatles remakes.  I wasn’t sure I liked much of what they did prior to hearing these retreads, but my perspective changed.  Why only four out five recycled Kermits, you wonder?  Have you seen I Am Sam?

Saturday Morning Cartoons Greatest Hits

Saturday Morning Reruns

2.5 out of 5

I maybe listened to this CD in its entirety thrice, but that was mostly because the CD player I had at the time wasn’t the best.  I really liked Sponge and Sublime back then, which is why I bought it.  Maybe I shouldn’t have given it two-and-a-half recycled Kermits…

The Duran Duran Tribute Album

The band's name is a repeat.

1 out of 5

I’m not even particularly fond of Duran Duran, so why did I purchase this?  Oh yeah.  Goldfinger, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, Gob…

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Songs About New York

Posted on by sgottahurt

There is one song on this The Shit To Just Shitty list that was its inspiration.  It’s not inspiring by any means… it simply got me thinking.

So here’s my ranking of Songs About New York that I like, and how I really feel about them.

(SIDENOTE: The reason I’m writing about songs I like is because (1) it’s my blog, and (2) there are a lot of songs about New York, New York… sorry Frank.  Not one of my faves.)

THE SHIT

Jay-Z and Alicia Keys kill it with Empire State of Mind, and in my opinion, it captures the essence of being in the Big Apple.  But the main reason this song is ranked so high is simple – this is the apology for most of the rest of the list.  Oh yeah.  Plus, street cred.

THE SHIT AROUND THE HOLIDAYS

The Pogues and Kirsty McColl’ Fairytale of New York is one of the most emotional Christmas songs I’ve ever heard.  It’s also fairly depressing.  Nonetheless, it’s great.

THE SHIT FOR BEING FROM THE 70’s

Billy Joel’s New York State of Mind wasn’t a hit when it came out in 1976, and that’s a shame.  One of his best.

A DINGLEBERRY

Simon and Garfunkel’s Only Living Boy in New York is one of those songs that you know is good… but damn it to hell when it gets stuck in your head.

CRAPPY IF NOT IN THE MOOD FOR

How is Suzanne Vega’s Tom’s Diner a song about New York?

Seinfeld anyone?

CRAPPY EVEN IF IN THE MOOD FOR

The Wallflowers’ 6th Avenue Heartache is not One Headlight, but I won’t hold it against it.  (I really like One Headlight.)

KINDA SHITTY

Here’s where the list really takes a turn for the worse.  Remember Disney’s Oliver and Company?  How about Huey Lewis’s Once Upon a Time in New York City?  Sorry for reminding you.

REALLY SHITTY

So wait… this isn’t the worst song on the list?  A tune from (another) Disney film no one saw, Newsies, is on my radar for songs about NYC.  What could be worse?

JUST SHITTY

The inspiration for this post: Arthur’s Theme by Christopher Cross.  That’s the best that I could do?  You betcha.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Hibbidy-Minaj?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I believe Nicki Minaj is trying to drive me insane.  Or at least make me feel like a Stupid Hoe:

I find the strangest allusion (in the midst of strange illusions) to be this:

Nicki Minaj meets Lily Tomlin meets Big Chair

A reference to Edith Ann?  Is that because Edith Ann was an alter-ego character of Lily Tomlin, and Nicki Minaj also has a character an alter-ego that goes by the name of Roman Zolanski?  Also, is Nicki Minaj possessed?  Am I going to keep asking questions?

What do you think, Edith Ann?

Drunken Recollection… Don’t Make A “Great One” Pun, Don’t Make A “Great Two” Pun

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m a late entry fan to hockey and the NHL.  But having said that, I’ve been a fan since 1995.  Since then, I’ve been aware of Wayne Grezky and his status as The Great One, but I never witnessed any of the feats he performed to attain such an acknowledgement.

(SIDENOTE: Much to my chagrin, the same thing goes for Barry Sanders.  I’ve only started following the NFL since 2006…)

Anywayne, add to my disappointment that I didn’t know The Great One had a 22-year-old daughter that had a predilection to post provocative pictures of herself on Twitter.  And if G.I. Joe taught me anything, knowing is half the battle.  (However, it did not teach me not to drink before playing soccer.)

Here are some pictures of Paulina Gretzky in case you too were iced out (sadly, The Great one has since made her quit using Twitter… talk about a slap shot):

She did not borrow those glasses from any officials, I'm telling you...

Hat trick. I just had to make some caption.

Puck.

(More pics here.)

So now I find myself in a similar quandary as I did when I had my crush on Chris Elliott’s daughter, Abby:

More like, Sunday Morning Live

And my upcoming crush on Mirror Mirror star, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins (she plays Snow White in the re-imagining):

Sadly, her father does not play one of the Seven Dwarfs.

Imagine if  this dude was singing this song to any of the above dads:

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Diva Diets

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here’s a riddle:

Which came first?  The diva or the diet?

It’s pretty weird that Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, and Janet Jackson all happen to be in ads for Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and NutriSystem respectively.  I wonder which one inspired the remainder of the campaigns (Coinkydonk), or did they all happen to happen at the same time (Coinkydink)?

(SIDENOTE: It’s no Coinkydink that Mariah’s is the most annoying commercial of all time.)

BUT WAIT!  These musical divas aren’t the only ones chiming in.

You also have Charles Barkley (for Weight Watchers) and Terry Bradshaw (for NutriSystem):

The only riddle that remains:

When will this athlete do ads for Jenny Craig?

That's called a (calorie) burn, Tom Brady.

A Handful Of… Odd Guest Appearances In Songs

Posted on by sgottahurt

Having only recently rediscovered What Have I Done to Deserve This courtesy of satellite radio, I never realized Dusty Springfield sang with the Pet Shop Boys.  To anyone born since 1990, these words have no meaning.  This is the song on a little something the kids call, the YouTube:

Why this seems surprising to me is Dusty Springfield sang Son of a Preacher Man… not 80’s British synthpop.  For comparison (you may know this song if you were born after 1990… I’m sure it’s been featured on American Idol at one time or another):

Having shared that, I decided to drudge up A Handful Of Odd Guest Appearances In Songs, so here they are:

  • Aretha Franklin and George Michael’s I Knew You Were Waiting For Me

Arethra Franklin used to be huge instead of just huge, and George Michael was still a respected chap.  This one wasn’t completely out of left-field, but in retrospect, it is odd… ly wonderful, me thinks:

  • Eminem and Pink’s Won’t Back Down

Eminem teaming up with Pink is like Eminem teaming up with P!nk… it didn’t seem like something that would happen.  But I’m glad it did:

  • Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson’s Say Say Say

I would have rather used The Girl is Mine as my example, but I didn’t look too hard for couldn’t find it.  So teaming up a former Beatle with a former Jackson 5-er isn’t that strange, until you realize it was during these collaborations in which McCartney suggested to Jackson that he should buy all the rights to his music, which in turn lead to Jackson buying many of the rights to The Beatles music:

  • The KLF and Tammy Wynette’s Justified and Ancient

I still have no idea what this song is about.  But it’s another Brit pop band/American country artist match-up:

  • Bing Crosby and David Bowie’s Little Drummer Boy/ Peace On Earth

This is an odd pairing, but it’s not the strangest:

  • Rihanna and Chris Brown’s Bad Girl

This. Is. Wrong.  But still… not the worst:

  • Mindless Behavior and Ciara’s My Girl

These kids are in their early teens; Ciara is 26 (I thought she was older).  They still shouldn’t be performing like this together.  This is why so many teachers are having sex with their students, I don’t suspect: