This one took me awhile to figure out, but it doesn’t make the Coinkydink or Coinkdonk any less powerful (and they’re not very powerful to begin with)…
With Actor! Jared Leto out there fulfilling his Jordan Catalano duties as the lead singer in his band, 30 Seconds to Mars, I suddenly realized that his band name was a hybrid of two other Actors!‘s band names that came before:
Keanu Reeves kept it chill in space with his band, Dogstar
30 Odd Foot of Dogstar
So… weird, huh? Slightly. I mean, Kevin Costner, Julitte Lewis, and Jada Pinkett Smith’s band names (Modern West, The Licks, andWicked Wisdomdisrespectively) don’t bear any similarity to the others or each other.
So I posed a question to my co-workers and friends… besides each being in a band, what do these three Actors! have in common?
When I first heard Miley Cyrus’ Party in the U.S.A. amidst her infamous stripper pole ice cream cart incident at the Teen Choice Awards (the TripleDoubleU was all a-Twitter), it did not make an impression in the least. In fact, had the song not gotten so much radio play, I would not have backtracked to find out that it was this song she writhed to.
Fast-forward to today. Damn, does that song get stuck in your head. It’s a classic earworm cocktail: lift a few themes from other songs, drop in a couple famous names, mention “partying” in a patriotic manner, and sprinkle with auto-tuning. Voila! A hit!
Before getting into the full monty with this song, I’d like to present a testimony to the ditty’s power over lyrics. Here in Detroit, we have an excellent alternative (Canadian) rock station called 89x. Everyday at 7pm, they have two songs battle it out for The People’s Choice. The current and reigning winner:
"The Fold" is from Chicago... "the bends" is from surfacing too fast.
Wanna hear their song?
That’s a tasty synth track.
So onto the lyrics…
I hopped off the plane at L.A.X.
With a dream and my cardigan
Welcome to the land of fame excess,
Am I gonna fit in?
Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so famous
My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I’m nervous,
That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio
And a Jay Z song was on
Remind you of anyone else?
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain’t trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought ‘Now forget it’ – ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’
It’s not exactly the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but it’s certainly reminiscent. Oh. And about that Jay Z song? Miley’s never heard any song by HOVA, because she did not write the song. Jessica “Jessie” Cornish did, and BONUS! She’s British (and can sing circles around Miley, btw).
Back to the chorus:
So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song,
And the butterflies fly away
I’m noddin’ my head like yeah
I’m movin’ my hips like yeah
Mya, do you have anything you’d like to say… oh, I don’t know… how about, your love is like… wo? The remainder is a repetition of the first part, just with different words.
I guess the biggest problem I have with the song is the cloying patriotism. When Bruce Springsteen sang about how he was Born in the U.S.A., I believed him. Okay, it’s probably not fair to compare the Boss‘ song about disenfranchised American soldiers to Hannah Montana’s tune about not wearing stilettos because she “never got the memo.” But his heart was in his throat when he sang that song. Dollar signs were in Billy Ray’s eyes when she sang hers.
(SIDENOTE: Try on Kesha’s Tick Tock – I’m sorry – Ke$ha’s Tik Tok as an alternative to Party in the U.S.A. Most of the same earworm ingredients are there:
lift a few themes from other songs (“Don’t stop…” hook = Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” hook, also repetitive last word in phrase, à la Black Eyed Peas’ Meet Me Halfway)
drop in a couple famous names (Diddy, Mick Jagger)
mention “partying” in a patriotic manner (“…but the party don’t stop…”)
Let me preface this by saying… I like both of these videos (for very different reasons*), but they contain infectious melodies that are currently stuck in my head. It’s not that difficult for that to happen, unfortunately, but still – by the power of Chris Cornell I compel you! Leave my noggin!
*I enjoy watching food explode to rock tunes. I only recently discovered this, but I hope it doesn’t make me a foodie. I also simultaneously enjoy watching adults beat toddlers… wait, that doesn’t sound right.
To begin… these aren’t special deals. These are suggestions I’ve hand-picked for you. I’ve categorized them into groups for those hard-to-buy-for loved ones. A lot of them happen to be USB products. Go figure. (Click each image for more information.)
FOR GRANDMA:
Grandma collects good luck trolls and loves cats, so why not get her one of these! (Possible setback: Grandma doesn’t have a computer… hey, there’s another gift idea on the house!)
Yoda blushes when his lightsaber glows! Wait, that sounds NSFW...
Transforms your jump drive into a cat!
FOR GOTH SISTER:
She hates almost everything… except cigarettes and ironic murder!
When Texting & Driving meets Smoking & Typing...
Even unicorns hate mimes...
FOR ANNOYING KID BROTHER:
Known for liking gross things and dumb things, you can’t go wrong with these!
Saves the mess of squeezing a real frog.
This ain't your daddy's Pet Rock! It has a USB cord!
FOR PERVERTED UNCLE:
I’d suggest having these delivered to his house.
She gyrates whether or not there's any porn surfing.
I'm not here to judge. Only to provide ideas.
FOR DOUCHEBAG BROTHER AND MASSEN-GIRL SISTER:
Oh brother… oh sister…
Leave your guitar at home and play Maroon 5 songs on this shirt!
(I apologize for the slow load on this page, but I decided to collect the clips for easier access. And sorry the list is so long, but I wanted to prove a point.)
When talking about a movie’s score, modern audiences probably think it has something to do with how much it made at the box office on opening weekend, or what it’s rated on Rotten Tomatoes. In actuality, the movie’s score – primarily the theme song – should be more than a cue to what you’re supposed to feel throughout watching the flick. It should capture the spirit of the story in a melody… one that you can carry with you in a hum.
As a child, all my favorites had excellent theme songs (you can hum them without a hint):
Star Wars
Indiana Jones
Superman
Back to the Future
E.T.
Jaws
James Bond
Rocky
Batman (Michael Keaton)
(the rest of the list is continued after the jump)Read More
This idea came about when I was thinking about how I really, really, really, would like a Lightsaber™ only to steal cool street signs.
Hello hilarity, soon to be hanging on my basement wall!
I also might be inclined to use it to put holes in things, but otherwise, that’s all I would use a Lightsaber™ for. Not for good, not for (truly) evil – only for comedy.
Then it occurred to me that I think the same way in regard to having superpowers. My reasons to possess them aren’t grand by any means.
1) Flight
"Here I come to ruin the day!"
I talked about this once before, but I’ll bring it up again. If I could fly, I’d use it to travel, of course, since it would cut my commute time to work in half! (I’m still employed with this amazing ability. Great fantasy.) But the biggest trick I’d pull would involve me showing off my new talent at the Academy Awards™ while the stars walked the Red Carpet®… you know, just to show them up.
This past weekend marked the adorable debut of Taylor Swift as a certifiable triple-threat (singer, songwriter, and Actor!) on Saturday Night Live. (It’s the singer/songwriter part that makes this a valid Musical Musing. Click here to hear the funny – and honest – song she wrote for her monologue.)
Overall, I think she did great. And I’ll admit – I may be biased. (Proof. More proof.) But given the material they wrote for her, you can’t deny that she has talent.
By far, this Digital Short took the strawberry cake. (And it’s all over the web already… late start on my part.) Check how her impression of Kristen Stewart stacks up by watching both videos below. If you want to see the entire SNL episode, you’re a dummy for missing it liveyou must have a life on Saturday nights head on over to Hulu.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Sit back, have a drink, and swim with me down the channels of nostalgia. What that trip entails – a fleeting thought, a jotted note in the ol’ iPhone, and Google research later.
1) “What were those holographic, flat-front action figures called?”
A good question, with a simple answer: Visionaries. They had a cartoon and a comic book series (which I still own)!
Wait, what? There's a different hologram toy line?
The exact toy in question. Well the one like this that's yellow...
But that wasn’t the answer being looked for. The correct answer to the question in question: Tonka put out a series called Super Naturals.
Sure, holograms were a fad in the 80’s, but so were 3D stereograms in the 90’s, and no one made toys based around them. (Probably because companies were too busy ripping off updating successful 80’s lines… of which the neither Visionaries of Super Naturalswere a part.)
2) “Does anybody remember St. Elsewhere? Anybody?”
Every once and awhile it becomes apparent that I’m older than I pay more attention to pop culture than the people around me. I was wondering if St. Elsewhere was available on DVD, and no one knew anything about it. Answer: only the first season.
Why I wanted to know is because I never watched the show (because I was too young… srsly), and I wondered if it was any good.
There were only two things I knew about the show:
Howie Mandel was on the show. I knew of him because he’d put a rubber glove over his head and blow it up with his nose. He was famous for this.
Howie Does It
The entire show ended up taking place within the mind of an autistic patient. SPOILER ALERT. (Did I do that right?)
What I learned after researching the existence of the DVD:
Mark Harmon (the main dude from NCIS) was on it. His character died from AIDS, and was one of the first major characters to contract HIV (heterosexually, of course… it was the 80’s).
Denzel Washington also got his start on the show. Denzel! That just blows my mind. Next you’ll be telling me Will Smith or George Clooney got started on TV. Or 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin got started in film. Crazy!
3) “What was the name of that famous midget little person from the 80’s?”
This inquiry arose out of a terribly written trivia question that confused Tiptoe Through the Tulips’ Tiny Tim with a little person. Come on. You’ve got to know Tiny Tim(not the “God bless us, every one” one). He was like the Marilyn Manson of the 60’s and 70’s, in that was as shocking as he was able to be.
Anyukulele, I knew there was a little person that was so beloved in my youth that even as I child, I knew his name, but it escaped me. I knew he was in a Wizard of Oz spoof I had never fully seen. So I started with that and found:
Young Chevy Chase AND Carrie Fisher? Must See!
And that lead me to the recesses of my memory. Without further research, it hit me! Billy Barty!
Verne Troyer, take notes...
And on that note, I shall pour out some of my next drink in your honor, Gwildor…
Courtesy of the Onion News Network comes this gem. What I like best is the part where they’re mean to the kids…
In My Brain While Sleeping… A Costume I Never Would Have Thought Of While Awake
Blah blah blah subconscious something something weird dream… I met a man wearing this costume and when I inquired about it, he pulled granite from his pocket, placed it on the last stair and said:
"I'm Rock Bottom."
Drunken Recollection… Two Gorillas Are Better Than One
My cousin Steve and I have matching costumes. We debuted them last week at my brother’s party. It was a blast. The next day, I had another party to attend, but I opted to go as Hipster Jesus. Another gorilla was there, and my heart broke a little…
Musical Musings… How Do You Kill The Gill Man?
Is this a good song? No. But does the Monster Mash really deserve being the only Halloween song? (Not counting Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, of course.)
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Did PB Max Get “Discontinued” For Peanut Butter Twix?
PB Max... PB Twix... hmm...
I loved PB Max almost instantly when it was released in 1990. It was the companion candy to the caramel Twix bars I’d eat everyday. (There was a 5¢ mail-in rebate deal on each wrapper, so I binged one summer, sent them all in, and received a $5 check 6-8 weeks later. You can do the math.)
Anysweettooth, seemingly as quickly as the candy burst on the scene, by th mid-90’s, it was gone. A couple more years passed and all-of-the-sudden there was a Peanut Butter Twix bar (and the original became Caramel Twix with a capital-C, as you candyC see).
Whatever happened to all the razor blades in apples and the kidnappings? The night’s supposed to be scary for kids. It’s like a PG-13 horror film these days.
Worth 1002 Words… My Old Halloween Costume Edition
Boxing Match
(lyrics to Halloween Survival Guide, you know, in case your ears aren’t working)
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 