Music

Musical Musings… Okay, So Noooow I Get It

Posted on by sgottahurt

Somebody's Heine was crowding their icebox.

When Weezer hit the music scene waaaay back in 1994, bassist Matt Sharp decided to work on a little side project called The Rentals (he would ultimately leave Rivers Cuomo and gang after the release of their second album, Pinkerton).

So here’s the thing I could never remember, and hopefully will forever remember now that’s it’s transcribed in blog-form…

The spinoff band was The Rentals, and not Placebo.

It might not seem like a big deal to you, the casual reader, especially since I already mentioned the revelation in the first paragraph.  But I always remembered the song, Friends of P (which I actually remembered as Friends with P), and I think the similar lyrics in Placebo’s Pure Morning meshed in my mind to cause the perpetual confusion.  (I also blame my supposed friend P.)

  • Friends of P lyrics:

If you’re friends with P.
Well, then you’re friends with me
If you’re down with P.
Well, then you’re down with me

  • Pure Morning lyrics:

A friend in needs a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better,
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who’s dressed in leather

(Click image to see video)

(Click image to - you guessed it - see video)

InASense, Lost… Poland? More Like Death Metal And Sexy Naked Lady Land

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m a Polack.  Or I’m Polandese, or Polandan… whatever it’s called.

And having never been there, I would assume my fellow Polanders would be mild and meek.  Based upon the symphonic blackened death metal band (yes, that’s their description) from Poland, Vesania, I might have made a dupa of u and me.

Well, then at least their wholesome, right Joanna Krupa?  You can barely Google her and not find her bare somewhere.  (Not that I’m complaining.)

(SIDEJOKE: How many poles does it take to hold up a Pole that gets naked for PETA?  Answer in image below.)

Oh, that's not a pole holding her up. My bad.

(BONUS UNNECESSARY PUN: I’m gonna go Polish one off now.)

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Two-Headed Telepathic Gorilla, For Starters

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ever have the woman you love turned into a cougar jaguar?

Not this kind of jaguar, but I wish.

And on top of that, she couldn’t understand you (and of course, you couldn’t understand her), so then you had to employ this guy:

"A GoGorilla"

A double-noggined telepathic silverback gorilla that could speak English in my brain while sleeping.  He would pluck my thoughts and put them in my lady, and vice versa.

(SIDENOTE: Apparently he could speak jaguar… or he was pulling a fast one on me, because the thing is that no matter what my girlfriend said through Mr. DeBergerac, she still acted an awful lot like a jaguar.  Especially when we were alone together and she’d try to kill and eat me.)

So in honor of my lady-love, here’s a long distance dedication:

No wait, that’s a panther!  I’m sorry honey!  I’ll never look at another black cat!

I mean after her...

Drunken Recollection… Other People’s Drunken Recollections

Posted on by sgottahurt

Some pals o’ mine and I were out at the bar, and they got into reminiscing about their old school teachers and the affairs they had (that the teachers had… and not with the friends, but with each other).

Anyqui, apparently this existed:

(via Ridiculous Thoughts)

As well as this:

(Barbapapa’s home page)

For the record, neither of these friends are French (although my buddy at work is).

I merely drank my Guinness and drowned in the sense of nostalgia.  Mostly because they also introduced me to her:

Musical Musings… You Just Don’t Hear These Songs Enough Me Thinks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Without further adieu, and with only one more misused French word, here are some songs I liked at one point, but that don’t really hit the radio playlists anymore.  Do I still enjoy them?  I don’t really non.

“The Reflex” Rewrite (A Drunken Recollection/Musical Musings Joint)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Intel was years ahead of its time... (Happy New Year!)

Sorry for the graphic nature of this post.  But it’s reality.  And reality is graphic.

Enjoy the start of this new decade with a karaoke song about beer shits…

The beer shits (4x)

“You’ve gone too far this time”
But I’m sleeping on the hard cold tile
A puddle spilled out around me
Good chances it came from my inside
I’ll crawl cross the bathroom floor
There’s no way that I can stand oh oh
Last night I had a hard time deciding
To have one or two beers in my hands oh oh

CHORUS
Budwei-yi-yi-yi-yi-ser goes right through me
Miller Li-yi-yi-yi-ght cuts right through me
Coors  Li-yi-yi-yi-yi-ght spills right through me
The beer shits is the morning after, keeping my rear parked
The beer shits is the discharged treasure that can be quite dark
And leaning over the bathtub isn’t that bizarre
Every little thing the beer shits does
Leaves behind another set of skid marks

I’m on the bowl and I want to get off
Butt won’t slow down the flush roundabout
I drank the whole bar watching TV sets
Don’t want to be around when this gets out

CHORUS

Oh the beer shits what a game I’m playing with my innards
The beer shits is the discharged treasure that can be quite dark
And leaning over the bathtub isn’t that bizarre
Every little thing the beer shits does
Leaves behind another set of skid marks

Musical Musings… What Have The Aughts Wrought Us?

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s an end-of-the-year-decade evaluation of the year decade that’s come before.  Long story short – there was nothing new.  

The only things left to hit the mainstream were the very things that were once thought taboo, which explains Jenna Jameson’s widespread fame (no pun intended), the common knowledge of cougars and MILF‘s, and the over-sexualization of the underaged (i.e. countdown-to-age-eighteen clocks for the Olson Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, etc). 

"If you like it, then you know it's got a ring to it..."

 

Gone are the days of truly independent filmmaking.  (And BTW, I didn’t ask for 3D films to be brought back.)  Hip-hop and rap break down barriers no more.  Television turned game shows into reality programming, but did little else except compartmentalize audiences between channels.  Everything has become corporatized to the point of homogenization.  

“So what have the Aughts wrought us?” 

Outside of the birth of a new medium boom of the Internet (known as the ol’ TripleDoubleU ’round hyeh), and the boon that was social networking (YouTube, Facebook, Friendster, et. al.), the web just offers another outlet for pre-existing formats. 

So what rose from the ashes of the Y2K bug?  One thing…

Auto-Tune

Although it technically was first heard in 1998, when Cher’s Believe* was torturing me via my alarm clock, while my face was smeared in a puddle of chunky pink Marguerita upchuck on my tiled bathroom floor (true story), it wasn’t until this decade that it took a foothold on almost everything on pop radio (list here). 

She suffers from a rare case of "moonstruck."

 

From Faith Hill’s The Way You Love Me in 2000 all the way up to (though not including) Jay Z’s D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune), the 00’s could be remembered as the Aughto-Tune Decade (clever!), although outta-tune, auto-crooner Kanye West would probably like to think the decade belonged solely to him. 

She suffers from a lack of attention.

 

My Prediction for the 10’s 
Since Lady Gaga is the Cher of now, and IMHO she’s actually quite talented… and not to say Cher wasn’t talented… I guess what I’m saying is… keep an eye on her.  She might set the next trend.  Or not.  Who do I look like, Phil Spector?  (Don’t answer that.) 

(SIDENOTE: I’m secretly rooting for Taylor Swift and her aw-shucksness to put the societal downward spiral on hold.) 

*Another early auto-tuner was Kid Rock’s Only God Knows Why (1998).  And it’s true – only God knows why Kid Rock hooked up with Pamela Anderson after finding out she had Hepatitis C.  Perhaps he confused it with the vitamin…

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Non-Existent Cover Bands And Their Non-Existent Album Covers

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s the week betwixt Christmas and New Year’s, so we’re slow at work. 

Top 5 Non-Existent (As Far We Know) Cover Bands & Their Non-Existent Album Covers 

1) Men on Break 

Known for such hits as “Who Can It Be Now?” and “Down Under,” Men at Work were hard at work in the 80’s.  Nowadays, there are suspicions that their cover band, Men on Break, might really be them. 

Overkill, indeed.

2) Faster Than Ezra 

Some people out there might not think that Better Than Ezra deserves a cover band, but the speed metal versions of “Good” and “Desperately Wanting” leave you desperately wanting more good covers.

Ezra was overheard saying, "Those mobile carriages are waaaaay faster than me."

3) Urethra Franklin

Aretha Franklin is a legend in the music business.  The fact that she’s a legend at Old Country Buffet is besides the point.  This rocking cover band electrifies (Ben Franklin lightning pun!) with their versions of “Respect” and “Who’s Zoomin’ Who?”  (Not to be confused with anything in the Urban Dictionary.)

Little known fact: he also invented UTI's.

4) Van Couver Meloncamp 

John Mellancamp, a.k.a. The Coug, has a song catalog as long and as varied as his name(s).  Van Couver Meloncamp not only does a great service to such hits as “Jack & Diane” and “Hurts So Good,” VCM also “Cuts Like a Knife” to the heart of the hits of The Coug’s northern counterpart – Bryan Adams.  Take a bite of Meloncamp!  (Now touring in British Columbia.)

Those are some big melons.

5) Hawaii Five-O

Cops – I can take ’em or leave ’em.  The Police on the other hand – put out an APB!  Hawaii Five-O takes the unique approach of covering Sting’s biting melodies with the soft plucking touch of ukuleles.  You never heard “Roxanne” until you heard it plinka-plinka-plink!  (Moustaches, Detroit Tigers caps, and flowered shirts are optional at their performances, but highly recommended.)

Where Magnum Meets Tantric

BONUS: Alternate Urethra Franklin cover after the jump. Read More

Awesome Battle… Which Happy Find Should Have Got Its Own Post?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve had so many Happy Finds that I can’t quite keep up with, so instead of letting them get lost in the ethers of net, here’s a good ol’ fashion dump list.  Don’t hate me!

1) The BossHoss

This band from Berlin mocks celebrates the stylings of country music in America by covering pop tunes from America.  They refer to their versions as “Country Trash Punk Rock.”  But in German, I guess.  (via Dave, more BossHoss here)

2) Remember these?

Oh yeah, Lisa Skye! I forgot about, um, her...

Not the specific (wacky) strip itself, but the Hostess ads found in comic books about, oh, 25-30 years ago.  Okay, you probably don’t remember them.  But Seanbaby (no relation) did, and he’s collected all the food-tossing, problem-solving insanity on his site.

3) Clients From Hell

Working in IT (as I do) requires an amazing amount of patience.  Don’t believe me?  Click on the above link, or simply watch this video.  You will believe… (via Eric)

4) Unicorn Vs. Narwhal – The Game

Ever wonder what the outcome of such a fantastic battle (but not quite Awesome) would be?  Click the above link and find out!  (via Urlesque)

5) Working UPC Art

Like this? I can get ya even more!

Check out 24 other functional barcodes at The Chive.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Give Me A F—ing (Christmas) Break

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m running low on my Christmas spirit as I’m quickly realizing most all of my Christmas wishes are not coming true.  Smack that up against with me coming across this over-indulgent greeting card that almost two-million people have already seen (speaking of smack, that kid’s mug is begging for one):

I watched the entire extravaganza, and I guess the guy that set it up used to do special effects for Disney, but still… ick.  The song is even terrible.

It kind reminds me of a light show version of this:

"It's craptastic!"

 (And for the record… no, I am not his neighbor…)