Once upon a time (in 1982 to be exact) there was a song. It was a power ballad of nuclear reactor proportions, and it went a little something like this:
Now you may argue…
I thought this was an Awful Battle? I love that song!
Don’t let nostalgia taint the reality that if that song was made today, it’d be laughable. Journey-ing on…
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Once upon another time (in 1986), there was another song. It was a remake of an older Randy Newman song that was featured in a little movie called 9.5 Weeks, or something like that. Again, if it was made today… well, I don’t know how many women wear hats that men would want them to keep on these days:
So why is it an Awful Battle? One hopes for endearment enduring, and one attempts to make this sexy:
I don’t mean to go and spoil the below video, but spoil you I must:
Hulk's showing off his real American.
What in the flying fuck is this not only doing in a promo for a stupid looking video game, but why in the flying suplex is Hulk Hogan pulling out his thumb wrestler in front of his daughter Brooke?! Whether it’s real or not, it’s really dumb for real.
This could have also been filed under from The Shit To Just Shitty… behold:
If one day I break down to the point of requiring psychiatric help, please direct my caretakers to these blog posts about my weird dreams. I’m sure the answers to curing my mind can be found somewhere here.
What clues this might provide, I don’t know, but I was boarding a plane and there was a big kerfuffle about someone on board. The rumor had it was a celebrity, but the facts were unclear.
As I made my way to my seat, I was greeted by this:
(Fairly) Artistic Representation
As it turned out, I was seated next to the celebrity – the world’s best Billy Joel impersonator, Guinea Joel.
It seems like a punderferul stretch for my subconscious when this would have been so much easier:
The wheels on the bus go round and round and Far East Movement’s Like a G6 has my head spinning round and round like those wheels. If you’re unfamiliar, take a taste:
The line "fly like a G6" is all the more clever now!
So in celebration of (quickly) getting to the bottom of this Musical Musing, I thought I would celebrate even more songs about transportation devices.
I’ve neatly broken up the methods into groups. Add more in the comments! (I know no one will do this, or maybe one person only, but I keep trying! I love comments!)
This was a question brought up by my friend Chris. You see, within one week (six days actually), he encountered not one, not two, not three but three songs by Roger Miller. I was not aware I was aware of him and his music, and neither was Chris, but for some reason, he decided to investigate.
On Tuesday, during an episode of the excellent Raising Hope (which was originally called Keep Hope Alive – a much funnier name), there was a song featured as a recurring joke. It was called, Do Wacka Do and it went a little something like this:
Then on Friday, while he was oot n’ aboot (that’s Canadian for “out on the town”), he heard King of the Road, a tune we were each already familiar with, but did not know the performer:
Then on Sunday, while watching the excellent Jackass 3D (which should have been called Keep Johnny Knoxville Alive), a bit was built around this ditty called You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd:
I didn’t ever intend this blog to contain a lot of music-related posts, but I can’t help it. Music is everywhere. In movies. On MTV TV. In my car. Which I am in. A lot. For work. Not to live.
So this post will be about a quick train of thought about a few songs that occurred at – you guessed it – a wedding.
First came this song:
We couldn’t remember who sung Wind of Change, and the ambient noise was too loud for Shazam took do its job, so I had to do it the old fashioned way. I Googled it.
Turned out to be by the German band, Scorpions, and it was released in 1990, which was later than I had expected. We also found out Scorpions had also performed the song, Send Me an Angel.
The other mixed-up train of thought occurred when we thought Nights in White Satin (which I always thought was about knights that wore satin armor in protest since I never really listened to the words) was by Procol Harum.
Nope. It was by The Moody Blues. Procol Harum’s most famous diddy was A Whiter Shade of Pale.
Coinkydinkily, they were both released in 1967, and their videos are after the jump.
For whatever reasons between then and now, I was never a huge Michelle Pfeiffer fan. Audiences saw pretty and pensive Actor!; I saw someone that reminded me of someone in my life I couldn’t quite stand.
So that catches us up to now. Having recently gotten into Netflix (as opposed to buying everything on DVD that I planned on seeing), I’ve found myself on strange viewing tangents.
With that film, I was finally able to see what the American public (and People Magazine) always saw in her, and I decided to see all the early works in her filmography. So I started with Grease 2, and that means I bore witness… to this:
Song-writing aside – and believe me, the music was completely Crisco bacon-fat in a coffee can to Grease – I’m amazed she had a career at all after, ugh, Cool Rider.
And that’s speaks volumes to her skills as an Actor! I may even be so kind as to eliminate the sarcastic italics and !
After
SIDENOTE: The only song worse than anything from Grease 2 is Everything is Food from Popeye (only watch if you hate yourself):
It doesn’t happen often, but today I have some words of advice:
If you live in Detroit and you’ve had your house broken into twice, do not watch Detroit 1-8-7… it gave me a nightmare.
Luckily, I was able to fall back to sleep, but from now on I’m sticking with something positive, like MTV’s World of Jenks or The Buried Life. Here are the theme songs to each of the shows:
Kid Cudi’s Soundtrack 2 My Life from World of Jenks
Grits’ My Life Be Like (Ooh-Ahh) from The Buried Life
I’m sorry, but I am not going to apologize for having any of these songs on the list. Wait. Does that work?
Anyhoosiersshouldneverbemadeintoamusical, here are A Handful Of songs I enjoyed that were sung by characters in movies that were not musicals. Agree or disagree in the comments (Jeremy!)…
Sex Bob-Omb’s Garbage Truck from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
This song was actually written by Beck (I’m not sure if the actors performed it), so there’s that. And the movie is kick-ass (not to be confused with Kick-Ass), so double win.
Eddie and the Cruisers’ On the Dark Side from Eddie and the Cruisers
This movie originally came out in 1984, and I guarantee more people know John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band’s song than the flick itself. Actor!Michael Paré would go on to make tons more B-movies. He would also co-star in TV’s The Greatest American Hero, believe it or not.
The Soggy Bottom Boys’ Man of Constant Sorrow from O’ Brother, Where Art Thou?
Okay… this wasn’t a song originally made for the Coen Brothers’ film, but I still have to include the remake of Dick Burnett’s classic.
Josie and the Pussycat’s 3 Small Words from Josie and the Pussycats
Letters to Cleo front woman, Kay Hanley, performed all the eponymous rock group’s songs, and you have to admit the song’s as catchy as chlamydia herpes syphilis a smile. Also, take notice of the clever countdown in the chorus (6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)…
The Wonders’ That Thing You Do! from That Thing You Do!
The group might have almost been called The Oneders, but real-life rock group, Fountains of Wayne, did a great job at capturing the pop hit feeling of that era. They proved their pop hit chops again a few years later with their own overplayed catchy hit – Stacy’s Mom.
Electric Dream Machine’s Dayman from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Gavin Rossdale, lead singer of Bush and Interstate, as well as Keanu Reeves’ co-star in Constantine, recently admitted he once upon a time had sexual relations with a man. It’s not a big deal in and of itself, especially since it’s been rumored about for years, but what is a big deal is that only now is he coming forth. That was probably a bad choice of words…
Anyhollabackgirl, the man he once used glycerine didn’t want to comedown found everything Zen with was 80’s British cross-dressing rocker, Marilyn. Nowadays, he’s currently married to pop-punk-queen Gwen Stefani.
Here are their pictures… Notice any Coinkydinks or Coinkydonks?
This shit is b-a-n-a-n-a-s...
Breasts and blonde hair and angular features and red outfits aside… where was I going with this?
Where was I going with this?
Oh yeah. Another thing, completely unrelated…
Isn’t it weird how Hostess Ding Dongs were once called King Dons even though the character was called King Ding Dong and in some places Ding Dongs were called Big Wheels and King Ding Dong (or King Don) was called Chief Big Wheels even though all along they were still Ding Dongs? I’m so completely lost right now…
"Mmmm... Ding Dongs." - Gavin Rossdale's impersonation of Homer Simpson.
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