Drunken Recollection… So You’re Saying Jennifer Lawrence Looks Like Olivia Munn?!

I’ve been putting off writing this Drunken Recollection for a while now because I felt like it would be too much work.  Then I realized I could make this as difficult as I wanted to, and here we go.

While out drinking with some friends upon seeing The Hunger Games (still in theaters), one of my friends exclaimed:

You know, Jennifer Lawrence kind of looks like Olivia Munn.

Okay, so he didn’t quite exclaim it, but because it shocked me, it felt like he did.  For those of you unaware of either of those ladies, here’s a refresher:

Jennifer Lawrence, meet Olivia Munn

Despite the obvious differences of hair and eye color, skin tone, noses, and lips, they both have:

  1. White teeth (welcome to Hollywood)
  2. Distinct, angled chins
  3. Narrower eyes
  4. Round faces with high cheekbones
  5. Similar bodies?

Similar bodies: check

I still don’t exactly see it though.  Perhaps if they’re both in costume:

Katniss Everdeen, meet Slave Leia... I'm sure you'll both have so much to talk about

CONCLUSION #1: I don’t see it.

CONCLUSION #2: My friend is an idiot.

CONCLUSION #3: Ladies, call me!

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Drunken Recollection… Don’t Make A “Great One” Pun, Don’t Make A “Great Two” Pun

I’m a late entry fan to hockey and the NHL.  But having said that, I’ve been a fan since 1995.  Since then, I’ve been aware of Wayne Grezky and his status as The Great One, but I never witnessed any of the feats he performed to attain such an acknowledgement.

(SIDENOTE: Much to my chagrin, the same thing goes for Barry Sanders.  I’ve only started following the NFL since 2006…)

Anywayne, add to my disappointment that I didn’t know The Great One had a 22-year-old daughter that had a predilection to post provocative pictures of herself on Twitter.  And if G.I. Joe taught me anything, knowing is half the battle.  (However, it did not teach me not to drink before playing soccer.)

Here are some pictures of Paulina Gretzky in case you too were iced out (sadly, The Great one has since made her quit using Twitter… talk about a slap shot):

She did not borrow those glasses from any officials, I'm telling you...

Hat trick. I just had to make some caption.

Puck.

(More pics here.)

So now I find myself in a similar quandary as I did when I had my crush on Chris Elliott’s daughter, Abby:

More like, Sunday Morning Live

And my upcoming crush on Mirror Mirror star, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins (she plays Snow White in the re-imagining):

Sadly, her father does not play one of the Seven Dwarfs.

Imagine if  this dude was singing this song to any of the above dads:

Drunken Recollection… I Severely Miss #5 (Don’t Read This If You Work With Me!)

This is a badge of honor.

We finally had out holiday work party and… well, let me give you a quick back story first.

At my office, which is an IT firm based within another larger company, we guys always had a sad little game we played.  For all my years there, we ranked the women in the office on their level of attractiveness.  I know; I already mentioned it was a sad little game.

The thing is, we always placed one woman we worked with at #5 on the list of five, no matter how many attractive women we had working with us at any time.  If there were three – she was #5.  If there were six – the same.  (At least we were consistent.)

One thing that was also consistent about her was she enjoyed to drink.  Like me.  At company parties.  So long as we were both at company parties, neither of us felt particular embarrassed by our levels of intoxication.  In fact, sometimes we used to be able to bring others to our depths.

But she was let go last year.  This holiday party was the first one I attended at which she was not present.  I fear I am now the company drunk.  I would have added lone company drunk, but the the implies that.

Here's to you #5.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? I’m Late To The Party On These

Sometimes I notice things in this world that I plan to share with you, but I quickly forget.  These are some Coinkydinks or Coinkydonks that I almost forgot about.  Lucky you it was only almost.

ITEM #1 – THE BREA GRANT CONNECTION

That smirk seems permanent.

Brea Grant may not be a well-known face (or even known at all), but the moment she appeared early in the sixth season of Showtime’s Dexter, I recognized her.  I didn’t know what from, so I investigated.  Turned out, she also starred in NBC’s Heroes during its third season.  I tried to forget that awful show, and thus, I forgot her.  Now here’s the Coinkydink (or Coinkydonk)…

She starred alongside Actor! Masi Oka on Heroes, and alongside character (Vince) Masuka on Dexter.

It’s a little weird, right?  No, not really?  Okay then, moving on.

ITEM #2 – STOP SHOUTING!

I’ve noticed that The General Insurance must be doing pretty good, because their graphics have been getting better and better.  As for the concepts…?

Does this woman’s “hiya’s” sound familiar to you?

Because to me, I’m reminded of Link’s sidekick, Navi, form The Legend of Zelda – A Link to the Past:

You don’t hear it?  All right, how about this last one.

ITEM #3 – ROBOTS AND ALCOHOL DON’T MIX

Here’s the party I was late to… I love robots, but I couldn’t stand it when Heineken had this atrocity of an ad for an atrocity of a product (the keg can):

So it amazes me that Svedka Vodka could one-up their craptacular idea:

If that’s the future of alcohol, color me sober.

Punch Drunken Recollection… Honey Badger Don’t Care!

On my recent trip to New York to watch the Yankees get rained out before beating the Detroit Tigers the next day, we stopped in DuBois, Pennsylvania for the night.  We were so over-tired and wired from the drive, we decided we needed to get some drinks to relax us enough to get some sleep.

Anybooze, we stopped at Eastside Sports Bar

They were playing Reel Big Fish's "Beer" so it felt like a safe place to be... at least the beer was cheap.

…and purchased as many beers as we could on site, as well as plenty to go.

What does that have to do with anything?  Well, it was on this night that I saw this video for the first time:

And now the badass honey badger has gone mainstream:

Oh, and for the record…  a fight broke out within fifteen minutes of us being at that bar, and like the honey badger, I didn’t give a shit.

Drunken Recollection… Take Me Out Of This Ballgame

Want to know how to fuck with drunk people at a baseball game?

Here’s three things that worked the crowd into a frenzy during my last regular season attendance at a Detroit Tigers’ game, which in turn, sort of drove me crazy:

1) Send Out Your Mascot

Stripes are solid.

I couldn’t believe how many people were tripping over themselves to get a picture with Paws, the Tigers mascot.  And whoever was in that suit was so nice!  No request was denied.  It probably helped that it wasn’t too hot out…

2) Make It Rain Money

It's raining men!

Some smart-ass seated above our section thought it was a great idea to throw $1 bills down every once in a while.  And it was.  People went ape-shit crazy for just a dollar.  But then again, that’s an easy McDouble after the game…

(SIDENOTE: So it wasn’t as much raining money, as it was feeling drops.)

3) Have Robocop Sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”

Okay, so it was the guy that played Robocop...

I’ve been waiting to write this post in the hopes that a video of Peter Weller singing during the seventh-inning stretch might pop up, but alas, it has not.  So here’s this instead: