InASense, Lost… Scrotum If You Got ‘Em
As a brand new uncle to a brand new nephew, I cannot approve of this nutty toy line:
Perhaps my mind is too far in the gutterballs. What a bunch of junk.
As a brand new uncle to a brand new nephew, I cannot approve of this nutty toy line:
Perhaps my mind is too far in the gutterballs. What a bunch of junk.
There are plenty of geeky things to get to today. So let’s start with the big one.
YES!
J.J. Abrams has been confirmed as the director of Star Wars Episode VII. Be ready for fanboy battles to reach all new levels. Can the director of Star Trek pull off the switch? Considering he was raised suckling the hairy teat of George Lucas, I wouldn’t worry. Plus, this might pave the way for Joss Whedon directing Episode VIII. (No logic for that statement… only hope and speculation.) The only downside – a Damon Lindelof rewrite of Lawrence Kasdan and Michael Arndt’s finished script. Fuck you, LOST!
NO!
Two of my favorite newer shows are getting cancelled! Ben and Kate and Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 have officially received the ax. Hopefully they receive a DVD release – I don’t think I’m ax-ing for much. At least they’re in good company. Some of my highest recommendations lasted only one or two seasons – Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, Freaks & Geeks, Action, Profit, Undeclared, Jericho, and Firefly. (Veronica Mars, Deadwood, and Arrested Development got three.) P.S. I’m still waiting for my Sons and Daughters and Warren the Ape DVD’s!
YES!
Two cool video games I’ll buy and never play: LEGO Marvel Super Heroes and Pokémon X and/or Y!
NO! OR MAYBE YES?
Django Unchained toys came out, and that’s a baaaaaad idea. A good idea would have been buying them, though. They’re selling for upwards of $500 each (though I’m not sure what they started out at, I’m sure they were under $50). An entire set went for $6000 on eBay! Why are my feelings so conflicted right now?!
In honor of You, Me, and Dupree being quite ubiquitous this weekend on some cable channel that was on whenever I woke up (yes, it happens more than twice in two days), here is Owen Wilson’s Dupree explaining (well, not really explaining) Seven Different Kinds of Smoke:
But here it is in action:
You’re welcome.
(SIDENOTE: I don’t know what this movie is about, since I’ve never seen anything but these parts. But as for these parts – they’re pure Dupree gold.)
(BONUS SIDENOTE: This is probably a good time to mention that I have my own Advice Sheet at the top of the page. It’s full of monkeyBLOGmonkeyDO gold, which despite how that phrasing sounds, may or may not equal poo.)
I’ve decided that I’m not finding (or looking) for funny pictures anymore, which used to constitute Worth 1002 Words. If I find one that works, I’ll post it. But you know what else is Worth 1002 Words? Some videos, like this one:
CAPTION: Value Men-Boo!
SOME ALTERNATES:
- Chicken McScaredycats
- Worry Flurry
- Big OMG
- McRibbings Return!
- Got Served
This video will speak for itself, but in case you can’t wait, let me prepare you:
Have you ever wanted to see children deal candy like it was drugs?
Have you ever wanted to see children drink ice tea out of paper bags like it was alcohol?
Have you ever wanted to see the guy that made Rebecca Black’s Friday video and song again?
You’ve been warned:
(SIDENOTE: Tweenchronic most definitely refers to marijuana, right? Well, at least somebody spray paints over “Bieber Fever”…)
If you’re unfamiliar with the almost award-winning fourth-most-popular folk duo in New Zealand, Flight of the Conchords, then shame on you. Or should I say lucky you because then here’s your first taste:
Here are the lyrics if you want to print them and sing (?) along:
So, you’re leaving, aren’t you?
I knew it when you said just then when you told me you were leaving
That’s when I definitely knew
But if you’re trying to break my heart
Your plan is flawed from the start
You can’t break my heart, it’s liquid
It melted when I met you
And as you turn around to leave
Don’t’ turn back to me
Don’t turn around and see if I’m crying
I’m not crying
I’m not crying
It’s just been raining on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my face
Please don’t tell my mates
I’m not crying
No, I’m not crying
And if I am crying
It’s not because of you
It’s because I’m thinking of a friend of mine who you don’t know who is dying
That’s right, dying
These aren’t tears of sadness because you’re leaving me
I’ve just been cutting onions
I’m making a lasagna
For one
Oh, I’m not crying
No
There’s just a little bit of dust in my eye
That’s from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I’m not weeping because you won’t be here to hold my hand
For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland
I’m not upset because you left me this way
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
They’ve been searching around
They’re like searching for you
They’ve been looking around
Even though I told them not to
These aren’t tears of sadness
They’re tears of joy
I’m just laughing
Ha ha ha-ha ha
Sitting at this table called love
Staring down at the irony of life
How come we’ve reached this fork in the road
And yet it cuts like a knife?
I’m not crying
I’m not crying
I’m not cry-y-y-y-
-y-y-y-y-ing
And here’s the original for comparison, I guess. Even though there’s no comparing…
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 160,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 8 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Just in time for Christmas Eve, I’ve assembled a list of containing A Handful Of items I may actually want, even though I told all my loved ones not to buy me anything because I didn’t buy them anything. Will they listen this year? Hopefully. But they haven’t yet, and I feel like a real dick when they do. Unless that’s what they wanted. Then they did get a gift from me after all!
I missed it when this Marc Ecko product had its original run, but aren’t we living in the age of the TripleDoubleU?! Anything’s possible! But probably not buy by tomorrow…
This game looks just like you’re playing the TV show. Do you know how many times I’ve wished Friends would have done that? Oh, and I should mention this – I would like the 360 pre-order version so I can get Mysterion. So what if this doesn’t come out until next year. I can wait.
I was just telling my brother the other day that I have three loves in this world:
The other two are kind of off-point, but this little robot would be a nice beginning for my impending robot-infested dominion.

Final words before my inevitable incarceration: “See you all later… you know, because I was secretly video taping you.”
My sister actually brought these to my attention, and they haven’t left my consciousness since. I brought up the possibility of getting these to a few friends, and one deftly responded: “Creepersville.” My initial interest was genuine – wear this to bars to capture conversation flows or to a soccer game to get a first-person perspective of my awfulness. But it’s there – right on the fringe of Creepersville no matter my intent. The only other inevitable problem is that I have enough difficulty living in the moment as it is. With these, I’ll be living in perpetual time-delay.
If you’re unaware of the Umbrella Corporation, here’s a sampling of one of their products:
In reality, it’s a youth-restoring product invented for a movie/video game series involving zombies. Or is it?
If it’s not that shit stuff, then how about this stuff shit?
Okay, so it’s probably not that insane, but it did (and continues to) make me very happy:
This one’s just a musical throwback: