Drunken Recollection… 86 The ’76 Trivia, Stat!

Knowing about the following song won us a small victory at trivia last night (we took second place because I thought the movie “Poseidon” took place on Christmas rather than New Year’s). 

The question in question: Name one of two songs that had the word “disco” in it that hit #1 in 1976.  I swore that this song was the best option aside from  “Disco Inferno” and “Disco Fever” (which I don’t even think is a real song):

Turned out I was right.  Turns out the other song option was “Disco Lady” (?)

Shadoe Stevens... a Hollywood Square

Shadoe Stevens... A Hollywood Square

Rick Dees... Weekly Top Dorky

Rick Dees... Weekly Top Dorky

The biggest mistake I made (aside from the upside-down boat holiday movie inquiry) was thinking the song was song by this (<–) guy:

And not this (–>) guy:

In conclusion, here’s some random 70’s awesomeness from the Midnight Special that I’m so inclined to buy on DVD (damn you infomercials and my insatiable DVD addiction!)  It’s either that or the Dean Martin Variety Show.

For further trivia thrills (ha! yeah right), try to name everyone in the cast on “Futurama.”  I bet you’ll miss at least two, like we did.

For further betting thrills, go to the race track.

A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto? Sounds About Right

For anyone that cares, Sarah Palin is a GILF that’s now a GILF (if you’re into governors and grandmas, that is).

Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Saturday, according to People Magazine (via AOL News).  The dad, Wrangler Johnston, or whatever blue jeans he’s named after, is probably somewhere with his hand stuck in a pickle jar because his fist is closed around the last dill, and he still hasn’t realized that’s why it’s stuck.

Considering the imaginative names of the Palin brood – Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig – Tripp isn’t that creative.  It’s a verb, for Sarah’s version of Jesus’ sake… not a name.

Anagram for Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston = A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto

A joke (I made up): 

Hey, what’s that girl’s name over there? 

Who?  Georgia?

No.

Virginia?

No.

Carolina?  Dakota?

Ah, forget it.  I’ll just go over there and Alaska. 

*bad-da-boom-cha!*

What's the difference?

Close enough.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid An Egg

I’m having a post-Christmas meltdown at work today.  It’s like acid-reflux of the soul.  To express how bad I feel, I present… the worst moments in “Batman & Robin”:

Drunken Recollection… That’s About Right For A Detroit Joint

Last night was a night spent in three four bars, and it kept me sleeping until 5pm today.

Some highlights:

  • First stop was the Bronx Bar, a Detroit hole-in-the-wall down near Wayne State University.  My sisters wanted to visit an old friend.  They chatted while “Poison” played on the jukebox.  BBD’s song, not the group.  “Crazy” also played.  Not Britney Spears… Patsy Cline.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Second stop was the Magic Stick.  There was a concert going on upstairs, so we stayed on the main floor and saw a show of our own.  It probably made as much sense as the punk bands upstairs might, but here’s what it involved: a man with a big beard, a woman with only her bra on, a skinny kid with his shirt off, and another skinny girl holding her bloody nose.  They came out of the bowling area and swept through the place until security escorted them out.  They actually tried to come back later.  We met up with my cousin Liz who was there to see the show on the second floor.  Some of my sisters’ friends that are getting married next year dropped in (congrats again Beth and Ben), and another of Tammie’s friends from grade school was hanging out with his friends (hey P-funk).  A stranger drew pictures of us in green crayon on the back of concert flyers.  My sister, Tammie, ordered some pizza.  I quizzed her on the latest Killers song that was playing.  Becky and I drank 24 oz. beers.  We wondered why the word dapper isn’t used more.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Third stop lead us into Greektown, across from the casino, to The Well.  Tammie’s other old friend, Joe, was down there with his crew.  Some girls were dancing on the bar.  The DJ was right behind us playing T.I.  The area we were in was about 12’x12′.  They flashed the lights at about 1:45am for last call.  We all finished our drinks and headed next door to…
  • The Baltimore, our final stop.  We ran into a family member we haven’t seen for years.  Tears were spilled over some more beers.  Becky took forever putting all our numbers in our cousin’s phone.  The music playing was Journey or some other 80’s band.  A half hour or so later, we all departed into the winter rain.  We bid our farewells and journeyed home.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.

JusWondering… Mothers of Invention: Necessity, Giraffes, And Crappy SUV Drivers

Keeps the giraffes out in winter, thought I as a child.

Keeps the giraffes out in winter, thought I as a child.

I love infomercials, and I’m not ashamed of admitting that.  Considering I’m in the minority of people in this country that do not have cable or satellite TV (I technically do not have wireless Internet access either… but my neighbor does), I’m stuck with the six channels my antenna can get.  When I’m getting in late from the bar, infomercials are all I have.

(Now I know digital TV broadcasting doubles if not triples my options, but I’d still rather get snowy images than blocky screen freezes and “no signal founds” until February 17th, thank you very much.  And yes, I still use a VCR.)
Anyflobee, my point is this: people of America – there are still things to invent.  Take this recent discovery of mine… the Twin Draft Guard.  How fucking simple, yet no one until now has put pen to pad (and contacted InventHelp.com) and released it on the market.
I mean, I’ve had my share of ideas, as have my friends.
Like, for instance, um, I always wondered why gas stations didn’t have electronic signs, then boom!
Ah, remember those prices 4yrs ago... and 4wks ago...

Ah, remember those prices 4yrs ago... and 4wks ago...

My buddy, Jay, always thought they should have a faster way of paying for fast food, like a stick.  (He loves his fast food and paying with credit cards.)  Then Mobil showed up with the SpeedPass, and now more and more cards have RFID devices in them to speed things up.
Nifty vid:
I also know people who “invented” things like taco holders and glasses clips.  My dad made these for our house before there was even “The Club” for cars:
Does not work on doors made of glass... trust me on this one.

Does not work on doors made of glass... trust me on this one.

 My second confession on this post: I’m an idiot.  On this site, I’ve already gave away restaurant ideas and movie ideas.  I’m serious about the movie idea (original post here and announcement here).  Here’s a humdinger I want put into production immediately: The Asshole Blaster (okay, maybe a name change is required a name change is definitely required).

The idea is as simple as the Twin Draft Guard: it’s potato gun-type device that launches sticky slimeballs with declarations on them, like DOOSH or IDYUT (this guywould totally get IDYUT).  I thought of it during the recent snowfalls we had, and how people drive like physics don’t apply to their vehicle because they drive an SUV or a truck.  I saw more SUV’s and trucks in ditches and up shoulders than anything else.  This would be my prize slimeball for them:

N UR FACE!

N UR FACE!

Laziness Springs/Summers Eternal In The Winter

As I was finally shovelling the snow in front of my house today, two people commented on it.  (SIDENOTE: I probably would not have cleared the walkways if it was not 54° outside somehow,as opposed to, say, -8°.)

The first was a neighborhood kid from across the street that always beats the ever-living shit out of my door and doorbell when he wants to shovel the snow or cut my grass.  This is a routine we share because if I do answer, I tell him, “no, I’m gonna do it” (and usually don’t), or I don’t answer at all due to hangover/overall laziness.  I had dreams of making perpetual use of his services a few years back.  It was a world where I never had to pull out the mower or shovel ever again, but he blew it by not doing that great of a job.  (Two caveats: I did pay him $10 before I left, and it was the second snowfall on top of ice, but still…) 

Today, he started with, “Need help?”

“No, I’m gonna do it.”

Then he followed with, “Don’t you think it’s a little late to shovel now?”

To which I snapped back, “At least it’s getting done.”  If I had faith the temperature would have melted it all, I wouldn’t have put forth the effort, but it is Michigan.

The second encounter I had was with the mail carrier, and it was because of her I was doing this at all.

“A little late, aren’t you?” she started.  It has been over a week since the snow fell twice and turned to ice.  “You get my letter?”  Every year, the mail carrier and I also share a dance – I wait for the snow to melt; the mail carrier gives me form letters telling me to shovel my snow before it melts.

“It always melts after the snowfall.  This one just took a little longer to happen.”

She gave me a look as she gave me the mail.

“It’s a weird day.  I could be shovelling snow in shorts.”

“I’ll take this weather anytime.”

I wished her a Happy New Year’s and we made peace.  At least ’til the next snow fall. 

P.S. …I think I’m going to start having deliveries come to my office in the new year.

Through sleet, through snow, through rain, through Tattooine...

Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor Jedi...

Get Those Dummies Out Of Their Boxes For Boxing Day!

Jeff Dunham = douchebag

Terry Fator = genius

Bob and Chuck = still hilarious

Jeff Dunham has some of the ugliest puppets and lip disguises I’ve ever seen.  How this guy gets TV specials amazes me.

Terry Fator won “America’s Got Talent” and he should be taking Dunham’s place in no time.

Bob and Luke Skywalker Chuck were one of the best things on “Soap” and this is one of his best bits.

Happy Boxing Day!

JusWondering… What’s The Most Impersonal Seasons Greetings Possible?

Merry Mass Texting!

Merry Mass Texting!

So far this year, I’ve received four Christmas cards.  You should know that I don’t send any out, but it hasn’t stopped people from sending them to me in the past.  And it’s not that I’m hoping for them, or judging anyone for sending or not sending me one.  I’m only bringing this up because I received more text messages this Christmas than other years (only ten so far… and maybe counting).

I wonder if the economy has anything to do with it.  Or simply it’s a reflection of my Yulitude.  But they’ve all been pretty much the same old…

Merry Christmas!

…which is no doubt a mass texting.  Again, I’m not knocking the fact that people are thinking about me when they’re going through their phone list (or address book in regard to the carders), it’s just that my sentimentality begins and ends with “It’s a Wonderful Life!”

At least with text messaging vs. cards, I can appear thoughtful with the forwarded response…

Same to u!

…but again, it feels lacking and tacky.  Maybe next year, I’ll try to be the one wishing all a Merry Christmas first, and see how many responses I get.  (I’ll have to make sure my phone plan allows for that many responses.)  I’m already thinking about the shorthand text I could send.  Perhaps…

Merry xmas!

…or…

Mry xms!

…or simply…

Mx!

…can do the trick. 

Man, now I can’t wait for next x!

InASense, Lost… It’s Not Always A Wonderful Life! (Bummer…)

I wish I had a million dollars! No, I really mean it...

I wish I had a million dollars! No, I really mean it...

My favorite film of all time is “It’s a Wonderful Life!”

Call me maudlin, call me a tool, call me a sap (which would render me a sentimental tree tap?)  Okay you can add “lame” to that list, but if you do not agree, you may need to give the flick another look.

The story of a man unknowingly fulfilling his destiny is a classic unparalleled.  There are some moments so honest in the film that I wish cloning existed to give us another Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed.

The reason I bring it up today (besides the obvious Christmas ties) is to tie it to another one of two other subjects:

  1. The modern housing market crisis
  2. The belly flop of a film, “Delgo”

    Yum yum for my tum... is that peanut butter mixed with mango?

    Yum yum for my tum... is that peanut butter mixed with mango?

For those of you unfamiliar with the independent cut-scenes from a video game film, here’s the preview:

The ties between films are as follows:

  • Both were considered flops upon their initial release.

Okay, there’s not much of a connection between them, and if I ever see “Delgo,” I may be hard pressed to expand that list.  The biggest purpose for bringing the creepy CGI film up is because the production breaks my heart.  On it’s opening weekend, the movie averaged two viewers per showing.  Two.

From Yahoo:

…the making of “Delgo” has the makings of a great Hollywood underdog story. 36-year-old entrepreneur Marc Adler decided he wanted to direct and produce a $40 million computer animated kids’ flick completely independent of Tinseltown behemoths like Disney and Dreamworks.

…And when Adler couldn’t get a Hollywood studio interested in his movie, he raised eyebrows by releasing it himself through distributor-for-hire Freestyle Releasing. It was a huge risk; one that ultimately didn’t pay off. There wasn’t the sort of marketing budget needed to make a film stand out in the already crowded holiday movie season.

Okay, it doesn’t help the movie received horrible reviews, and its main stars were Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jennifer Love Hewitt, but–

Wait!  There’s another correlation between the films:

  • Sometimes the bad guys with all the money win.

Cover Your Ears! Merry Xmas From Henrietta And Merna!

I’m beginning to suspect that this cable access feature from the 90’s might have come from the archive of Michael Bay’s earlier works.  Notice the quick editing and flashy zooming jump cuts.  The action and the mystery never takes a break.

I’m fairly certain this inspired “Bad Boys.”  Compare the clips and see for yourself.

(Henrietta’s gloriously unexpected solo courtesy of Videogum)