I’ve brought up cone-ing once before, but I had no idea that there would be an anti-movement against it.
If you’re unaware of what cone-ing is, it’s the process of buying an ice cream cone from McDonald’s and grabbing it by the ice cream. It’s apparently become such an epidemic that the workers are striking back:
This has been a topic I’ve intended to set up for a quite while now: a focus on the Unofficial Trilogy. And since the majority of my posts tend to rally around music or TV, I wanted something that’s solely movie related, hence this.
On more than several occasions, I’ve seen three movies consecutively, or close enough to each other, that all tie into a similar theme. To initiate this category, I will discuss the Man’s Mind Trilogy.
Ladies… do you think men are pigs? Are they born that way, or are they made? That’s kind of the simplest breakdown of this film’s thesis. It examines the effects of wanting/having/needing sex on the male mind, and how that gets passed down through the generations. Campbell Scott plays uncle to Jesse Eisenberg, back when Jesse was just Hallie Eisenberg’s older brother, and not an Oscar-nominatedActor! Who’s Hallie, you also ask? Remember the Pepsi Girl commercials?
Author Nick Hornby could have made this list twice (About a Boy was thisclose to making this trilogy), but this one is on here because it examines what men think about relationships. Every aspect of relationships. Before they’re in them. While they’re in them. Even the flickering relationship men have with the memories of their faded relationships. And it takes place in a record store. You know, because records is a metaphor for records, yo!
What does it mean to be a Man in the Modern World? Fight Club certainly doesn’t pull any punches (ha!) when examining this question. I won’t divulge the scope or the twist of this film because if you haven’t seen this somehow, I won’t be the one to ruin it. But I have three parting words for you: duvet… and Bitch Tits.
I really wanted to write about how Prudential’s new billboards look like Taco Bell’s less crazy ones, but I couldn’t find any good pictures (nor did I feel like getting into an accident on the freeway) to make a point-counterpoint.
Prudential's Billboards' Sayings
Taco Bell's Crazier Style Billboard
Taco Bell's Tamer Billboard With Wrong Color Scheme
Every time I see the yellow-on-purple wisecrack statement, I think it’s an ad for my primary nutritional source. But again, I don’t have any evidence. You’ll have to trust me.
Instead, I’ll deal with the remake of Footloose… or at least their previews.
I’ve never seen either film, so my experience with each is limited. But based on what is revealed in each preview, the remake is a REMAKE! to the fullest extent. Aside from dead kids causing a dancing ban, and an amping-up of elements (choreography, exploding buses, faster suicide train runs, and a much prettier lead actress), the new Footloose looks exactly the same.
New
Old
If you want an example of how to make better remake, check this out:
Upon the first time seeing this Keystone Light beer commercial, I knew the ad campaign had found a hero to compare with Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World. He was sort of the anti-thesis; the everyman that any man could be… if he drank Keystone Light.
What followed, upped his “always smooth” quotient into undeniable levels:
(In this next one, his smoothness is legit as The Shit… at least as much as a roller rink provides room to be.)
But although this latest commercial originally made me laugh, it’s been bothering me more and more upon each repeated viewing:
I don’t mind Brian, or the fact he wears no arm protection. I even like the continued use of the cougar-growl since the rollerskating commercial. Because that’s all smooth. But the magical fire? It’s a shortcut and a means to an end, but it could be a dangerous sign of things to come.
I’ve already written about the poorly named Magic Bullet once before (or at least I insinuated about its terrible shared moniker), but with the company’s latest product, they botched the name game again:
Why would you put those two words anywhere near each other?
They could have called it the Baby Blender… no that doesn’t work.
How about the Regurgitator? (Now we’re getting close.)
I really shouldn’t pick on kids. It’s not very becoming of me.
But that’s why I don’t ever want to have kids, because if they’re ugly, I’ll probably get famous arrested for putting them up on eBay.
That having been said, check out this kid’s melon. You’ll figure out which one I’m talking about real quick.
Milk is great for healthy bones and eyebrows, I mean, hair.
This reminds me of that old Seinfeld episode when Elaine and Jerry are trying to set George up on a blind date, and the topic of eyebrows is brought up:
Elaine: What, you don’t think she’s beautiful?
Jerry: I don’t know, what’s with the eyebrows?
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That’s because my standards are too low. And by the way, you know,
women kill for eyebrows like that. Do you know that? I mean women pluck their
real eyebrows out of their head, one by one, until they’re bald, Jerry. Bald
above the eyes! And then they paint in these eyebrows to look like that.
Well anylourdes, while some people find Angie Harmon’s brows attractive, I agree with Jerry. What’s with them?
Her poor daughter reminds me of Chippy from Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
(SIDENOTE: Somehow all Target commercials accomplish the same thing.)
I don’t watch a lot of commercials these days, but I have seen some that made me raise my unibrow eyebrows. Apparently Dairy Queen has been running this odd campaign for some time now, but it does beg the question… Coinkydink or Coinkydonk?
(SIDENOTE: Another question begged… will DQ singlehandedly bring back the moustache?)
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