Just as a reminder about how uninspiring and unoriginal (unobtainium, anyone?) James Cameron’s Avatar was, here’s a slightly different take on the recap:
Pandora Radio
Navi from "The Legend of Zelda"
As a reminder:
As Ms. Swan might say, "He looka lika cat."
(SIDENOTE: Click here to understand Ms. Swan.)
Aang, the one, true Avatar
Now put it all together and you get:
As uninspiring as the original...
I once read somewhere that olfactory memories are the strongest (I don’t remember the specifics because I didn’t smell it), but I’d beg to differ. In my opinion, songs provide the greater capacity to throw you back, and here are some 80’s songs that do.
For starters, movie themes are cheats, and Tears for Fears’ Everybody Wants to Rule the World is no exception, so much so that I also refer to it as the Real Genius song. It always instantly conjures this image in my mind:
Everybody wants to butter the world.
For whatever reason, The Motels’ Only the Lonely always reminds me think of playing summer baseball. My best guess as to the reason why? I used to watch Casey Kasem’s America’s Top 10 (or some other show like that… I don’t remember because I didn’t smell it) before I’d ride my bike to the park. As it is with most of these aural/cerebral connections… it’s best not to ask how or why.
I was only the lonely in right field.
This one’s an easy link up – Janet Jackson’s When I Think of You always makes me think of my first girlfriend, Brenda. I was in the sixth grade; she was in fifth. She was a cheerleader. This was the song that her team (group?) performed to at the Pontiac Silverdome. The odd memory attached to this? The handled neon green comb I used to carry around with me to fix my spiked haircut:
It kind of looked like this, but more rounded and more neon green.
This one is a bit sentimental. Joe Jackson’s Steppin’ Out always hurls me back to an early 80’s winter when I went ice fishing with my dad and his friends.
J. Geils Band’s Centerfold is about a man’s discovery of his childhood dream girl growing up and appearing in an adult magazine. To me, it’s about summer camp and reading this:
My memory has just been sold... on eBay for $1.09.
Unfortunately, Bryan Adams’ Cuts Like a Knife also makes me think of comic books… except I was in college, driving around town in a burgundy Cadillac Brougham in a pony tail and trench coat, searching for back issues, listening to his greatest hits cassette, So Far So Good.
So far, so good, indeed.
This dream probably (definitely) has to deal partly with me watching The Clone Wars cartoon, and partly with me subconsciously thinking… well, I’m getting ahead of myself.
Basically, Yoda appeared before me and he told me this:
Most perfect creation in all of the universe, a bubble is.
(Sort Of) Artistic Representation
I might have to agree with the sagely Jedi. The way a bubble fights to be a perfect sphere, the way it captures and disperses reflections and light, there are plenty of reasons why Yoda might believe – or know – that.
But what does it mean?
Double bubble... so intense!
Dubble Bubble... not so intense...
This show looks like garbage, me thinks. It starts this fall on CBS, which in this case literally means C-B-S:
To me, The Defenders looks like Boston Legal Lite, minus the charm, creativity, excellent writing, and sublime casting. I’ll always have a soft spot for Jerry O’Connell for being in Stand By Me, My Secret Identity, and Rebecca Romijn, and I’ll even give props to Jim Belushi for The Principal, but I could probably live without ever seeing either one of them in anything ever again.
May this show slip away quickly like my money at a craps table.
Now onto other items lacking in creativity…
I thought The Oatmeal made a funny observation about the similarities between James Cameron’s Avatar and his Aliens:
(click image for full comparison)
(BONUS! Did Chistopher Nolan’s Inception rip off Scrooge McDuck?)
As a writer, one of the first things you do when starting a new story is come up with… a title. Well not really, because that can happen last. Actually, you come up with a narrative idea first, then the lead character’s name next. One hopes to conjure up a moniker that would match what the imaginary protagonist would be like (if you’re a good writer). Bella Swan? Really?
Anywhoisthat, here are some of the more notable exceptions to the naming game. I present to you (More Than) A Handful Of Nameless Lead Characters In Movies:
The protagonists in these films don’t have a hint of a name. The film credits don’t even give a clue. Well, if you don’t count Nada, Doctor, Doctor’s Wife, Guy, Girl, XXXX, Man, Boy, and the second Mrs. de Winter as clues.
They Live - Blindness - Once - Layer Cake - The Road - Rebecca
Everyone in this group is referred to by a name other than their own. Or at least we’re lead to assume this. Even though the lead character is called Smith, Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock, Tallahassee, Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Mr. White, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, The Man With No Name, or El Mariachi, we never learn their real names.
Except for Wichita (Krista), Mr. Orange (Freddy Newandyke), Mr. White (Larry Dimmick), Mr. Blonde (Vic Vega), or The Man With No Name (Joe in A Fistful of Dollars, Monco in For a Few Dollars More, and Blondie in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly) that is.
Shoot 'Em Up - Zombieland - Reservoir Dogs - The Man With No Name Trilogy - Desperado
Sure, ten of the twelve jurors may happen to reveal their real names by the end of the film, Bill Paxton might be called “Dad” or “Mr. Meiks” throughout, Tyler Durden could actually be The Narrator’s name, and D-FENS is found out to be William Foster, but these movies are super bad-ass despite any ambiguity about the leads’ true identities.
12 Angry Men - Frailty - Fight Club - Falling Down
Oh, and one more thing. His character is named Nameless:
Hero
This seemed to come out nowhere, as opposed to the alcohol that kept being provided by the prompt wait staff.
We had finished a soccer game. We were playing music trivia. And this old Walt Disney cartoon popped in my head. My friends remembered it, and we laughed about how it could never get made these days… not in the slightest. (Well, maybe in the slightest.)
Watch and revel at a child’s cartoon from 1949:
What I think surprises me the most is what a dick Donald Duck used to be.
Was he always that way? Yes. Yes. And oh god no, yes.
That’s probably why he was my favorite Disney character…
Like many (all?) guys my age, I grew up on Star Wars.
And like many (some?) guys (nerds?) my age, I was way too into it for far too long.
I collected the toys when I was a child, and when they returned to the scene in 1995, I was spellbound. I gobbled up every figure, ship, and accessory I could get my hands on. I even waited in line at midnight to get the first wave of toys from The Phantom Menace.
That was a mistake. And the collecting didn’t last much longer. In fact, I recently sold my collection for $400. It originally cost me around $3000.
But like all bad habits, one remnant remains. I still like to look at the new lines. It’s been fun to see what figures finally got made, and how some (many) get re-made. Unfortunately, with The Clone Wars animated movie and TV show, I’m realizing how out of the loop I am when I’m not recognizing them anymore.
Some of the later figures I’m aware of, such as Ahsoka Tano, Asajj Ventress, and Jacen and Jaina Solo.
And some of the faces I recognize if not the names.
The following are the ones I don’t (even though a few were in the original six films):
Cad Bane is hired by Darth Sidious to break into the Jedi Temple and steal a holocron containing the secret names of future Jedi. The resourceful and cunning bounty hunter carefully puts his plan in place using schematics of the temple, a techno-service droid and an unscrupulous shapeshifter.
Leesub Sirln is a Qiraash and one of the patrons in the Mos Eisley cantina on Tatooine. She is hiding from Imperial authorities that suspect her of having precognitive powers and have declared her a Force adept.
The Boonta Eve Classic Podrace draws a huge crowd of spectators including bounty hunter Rum Sleg. Held just outside Mos Espa, the race is a high-speed, death-defying competition, which doesn’t stop young Anakin Skywalker from competing.
The Republic admiral oversees a large fleet during the Clone Wars, coordinating battle campaigns from the bridge of his flagship, the Resolute. He contacts battle leaders, such as Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi, to keep track of ongoing situations.
Hondo Ohnaka is the leader of a band of Weequay pirates and is always accompanied by Pilf Mukmuk, his Kowakian monkey lizard. The pirate chief captures Count Dooku and plans to demand a large ransom for the return of the powerful Separatist leader.
Willrow Hood works for the gas mining company on Cloud City. When the Empire seizes control of the city, Hood destroys a computer memory core to prevent the Empire from discovering information about secret transactions with the Rebels.
(SIDENOTE: Oh! He’s also known as the Ice Cream Maker Guy.)
What is he carrying? An ice cream maker!
Clone troopers ride gelagrubs to patrol the fungal forests of Felucia. Also known as Felucian ground beetles, gelagrubs are easily domesticated in their larval form to be used as mounts. Republic forces invade Felucia to free it from the control of the Separatists and capture the Commerce Guild’s headquarters located on the planet.
Jeremoch Colton is the pilot of Senator Bail Organa’s ship, the Tantive IV. As Colton is flying the vessel into Coruscant, he receives a message from Chancellor Palpatine’s office, which he plays for Organa and his passengers Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Needless to say, the last good Star Wars thing I saw was Genndy Tartakovsky’s take on the Clone Wars cartoon. I’ve only seen Episode III once, hence the fuzzy memories. And after all this, what is my lesson learned?
I need to start watching The Clone Wars on the Cartoon Network!
Happy Ending*
*not included
Major Boo-Boo
He really has a "Can Do!" attitude.
This So, Duh! Pop Quiz was inspired by something my sister Becky noticed. In 80’s movies, there was nothing more common than a good bike chase. Well, maybe it wasn’t common at all, but it seems to be relegated to only films made back then. See if you can figure out which spokes appeared in which flicks:
1) 
2) 
3) 
4) 
5) 
6)
(Okay, this one is technically from 1979...)
7) 
8)
(answers after the jump)
I’ve written about the Insane Clown Posse before (<—you must check this link out), and I hoped it’d be the last.
Nope.
Rapper (?) Violent J’s 5 year-old son, Violent JJ (of course), is now a rapper (?)… and apparently a wrestler, too.
(SIDENOTE: For more Violent J fun, check out Violent J is John Goodman.)
That was going to be my Hibbidy-Wah?! of the day, but then I saw this:
You're welcome.
(via Screen Junkies)
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