Dear Television,

Please note that I never want to see the following now or ever again:

• a giant middle-aged man
• a giant middle-aged man so light on his feet
• a giant middle-aged man with a weird accent
• a giant middle-aged man using cell phone apps
• a giant middle-aged man tap a bell with his foot
• (NOTE: the wife is okay despite her encouragement)

Who is this ad for, Kayak?  Is that the owner’s parents?

Aarrrrgh!