Year: 2011

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… What’s With All These Strange Songs About Family Members?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Harken back in time, my friends, to the year 1996, years before this website existed.  Relive the days when “blog” was a misspelling of “bologna”; experience the moments before Al Gore began his work inventing the TripleDoubleU… (P.S. click on the song’s names below to see the video)

I predict this CD will stand the test of time.

Time spent shopping for cassettes has never been… weirder.  Don’t get me wrong – I like these songs musically.  And even the hooks seemed fine.  But upon repeated hearings in my truck, I’m not so sure these songs about family members are healthy.

This song at first seems like a lovely ode from a brother to a sister, but check out some of these lyrics:

Half of me breathes in you/ Thoughts of love remain true

Entwined you and I / Our souls speak from across the miles

I considered putting this song in my pocket to play at my own sisters’ weddings (if they ever get married), but I think I’ll pass.

Everybody knows this fine ditty.  Little Tracy isn’t too happy with her life, and she’s taking it out on her poor poor mother mother.

Sure, this song is about two years old, but not only does it suck – IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!  Juliana Hatfield is an only child!  If only I had some way to prove it…  (Seriously, this song is horrible!)

Talk about depressing!  (And irony by using an explanation point.  By the way, I wish people would be more ironic.  It’s so funny!)  This song from a three years back is about child abuse and kids with learning disorders, which thankfully, is still rare.  Once again, depressing!

Obvious story from a decade ago.  (Man, does time fly, or what?)  Girl gets “with child”… gets in fight “with papa”… I think that’s what it’s about, at least.  You could probably read more into it.  You could probably read less into it, too.

Another song about sisters… this time in the form of a cautionary tale about becoming a whore.  Released two years prior to Papa Don’t Preach (which is surprising considering its sound style), it could have been better titled, Brother Don’t Preach.

There are no songs I could think of that had brother in the title or son…

…maybe because most brothers and sons are healthy.

(SIDENOTE: I “finished” this blog post a year before Everclear’s Father of Mine was released in 1997, otherwise it, too, would have been included…)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Scarlett And Amber In The Same Dream?! Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

Posted on by sgottahurt

I am enamored with Amber Heard:

The Gods Heard My Heart

And everyone loves Scarlett Johannson (except Ryan Reynolds, and maybe Sandra Bullock):

I should write her a Scarlett Letter...

Well, lucky me had a dream in which both of them appeared…

…except they only wanted to talk.

About the meaning of life.

In an abstract setting.

As they walked and discussed the infinite, the scene kept changing like a screensaver.  Or a Salvatore Dali painting:

Not cool, subconscious... not cool...

Awful/Awesome Battle… The Many Faces (Or At Least Two) Of Fear

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s been long enough since I’ve seen this video about recent UFO sightings across the world that I can finally post it here.  Have I mentioned how I feel about aliens before?  Here’s a tip on how to get through it – focus on the misspellings (why do videos like this always have misspellings?)…

AWFUL

This next one is creepy, but in a fun way, which seems weird to say based on what it’s, um, based on, but it’s true.  Honestly, it’s one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a long time.

AWESOME

(original video here)

The Sh– To Super Sh–ty… Britney Spears

Posted on by sgottahurt

We knew this already.  It’s been a long steady fall from Britney Spears being The Shit…

A babe in the woods.

…to her more current state of Super Shitty.  I recently saw this video for her 2009 song, Radar, for the first time (I initially thought it was brand new), and was horrified by the horrible extent of its horribleness (the song and the video and the lack of a thesaurus in the writing of this sentence):

It’s good to see at the very least she’s still doing her stupid tongue thing:

(SIDENOTE: It’s not really stupid that thing she does with her tongue.  I bet that’s what’s kept her career alive.  And her big eyes.  Yeah, her big eyes.  And her nice tight smile.)

Worth 1002 Words… Santa’s Locked And Loaded Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Semi-Automatic Santa

Some alternates:

  • Jingle Bullets
  • Missile Toe
  • Chest Nuts
  • Open Fire

(via)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Looks Like I Made It! (But I Got No Credit…)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I listen to Dave and Chuck the Freak (and Lisa) on 89X every morning here in Detroit.  I’ve listened to them since the days of when it was just Kelly Brown and Dave Hunter, and I remember when they had the contest to name Chuck inevitably The Freak.  I remember when Lisa Way was the traffic wench (but only on days when Kelly was gone), and I rejoiced when she ended up officially joining the show (though she still doesn’t share the headline).

So this morning, when they called out for help to send them a picture of a billboard they were talking about (Podcast 12/1/11 Part Two), I ran to my phone and emailed them a link to my blog.

This was the link.

They rejoiced upon receiving it (Dave wanted to share the image of the gynecologist/weekend DJ with Chuck and Lisa), but I heard no personalized thanks.  I waited for maybe an email (Dave is usually very kind about sending responses), but nothing.  They mentioned they were going to throw the pic on their blog, and so I waited.

Maybe it wasn’t my picture that I took with my camera…

But it was:

*sniff* No DJ (or gyno/DJ) love...

I guess it’s only karma… I use other people’s online pics all the time.

Happy Find… Munsters No Longer Pushing Daisies!

Posted on by sgottahurt

They're creepy and the cooky, but you legally can't say that.

I wonder if I’m the only person that used that title.  Doubt it.

That’s because TV writer-producer Bryan Fuller created Pushing Daisies and Dead Like Me, and now he’s set to relaunch The Munsters.  He’s turning it into a darker, hour-long series, as opposed to a cheesy sitcom.  I’d like to stay the happy medium of his other shows.  I feel like I’m writing this like I’m still in middle school.  I wonder if that’s subconsciously because The Munsters reboot reminds me of watching reruns of the original when I’d come home from school in the fifth grade.  It also reminds me of the time I learned the concept of the subconscious and I was still having trouble with run-on sentences and paragraph structuring.

Drunken Recollection… Latitudes, Longitudes, And Flucrush

Posted on by sgottahurt

Everything's eventual... don't be in such a "flucrush."

This has to be one of the strangest bar arguments I ever got into.

It was at trivia, which is a rarer thing these days, and a question came up:

At what latitude is the north pole?

And at first I thought zero, but then we remembered the equator is zero.  So our (my) next “logical” jump was to say 180.  We paused on 90, but stuck with 180, and answered incorrectly.  We weren’t mad about that.  But it jump-started one of the loudest vocal challenges.  Degrees, and spheres, and pi (yes the pi without the e), and Tropic of Cancer, and Prime Meridian, and pumpkins were involved and shouted.  (The pumpkin still at the bar provided a nice example of the way longitude is measured.) No one jumped in; no one told us to quiet down; everyone looked.

I was going to explain the resolution of our semantics, but then I realized that’s even worse than what’s above.

So I’ll mention the invention of a new word – flucrush – and that it’s pronounced FLUH-KRUSH, not FLOO-KRUSH.  It has no meaning, but you’ll know when to use it.

Unofficial Trilogy… Cartoonish Nazi Bashing Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

I know you’ve seen these, but I implore you to watch them again.

Fun times in not-so-(Nazi?)-fun times

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Raiders of the Lost Ark might be critically regarded as the best of the Indy films, but I was fourteen when Indy went on his supposedly Last Crusade and it’s my favorite.  I’m not a huge movie quote-spouter regularly, but with this film (and Ghostbusters), I can whip out (ha!) more than a few.  And don’t forget Sean Connery!  Plus Hitler signing the Grail Diary!  This film belongs in a museum.

The Rocketeer

One of my all-time favorite episodes of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was when there was a bad guy so bad that He-Man and Skeletor teamed up to save Eternia.  Aside from the happy heroics and the happier soundtrack, this film does the same – the Rocketeer teams up with mobsters to fight Nazis!  America, fuck yeah!

Inglourious Basterds

This film seemed to be the most fun Brad Pitt had since Snatch (take that whatever way you want).  We get not only exposed to one of the greatest film villains of all-time in Chistoph Waltz’s Colonel Hans Landa, we are treated to an early glimpse of the greatness that is Michael Fassbender/Magneto.  Bonus: Mike Myers isn’t playing Shrek!  We also get one more guest appearance from Hitler himself, but the Inglourious Basterds accomplish what Indy couldn’t, so once again… America, fuck yeah!