zebra

InASense, Lost… The Snuggie Sutra

Posted on by sgottahurt

I love me my Snuggie.  As a matter-of-fact, I’m wearing mine as I type this.”  I’ve worn it in a pub crawl in NYC, and I’ve wanted to wear it in a pub crawl in Seattle.

But as per usual, if something shakes me at my core (or in this case makes me shiver in my Snuggie), I must stand atop my mountain blog and proclaim it to the world to inform and warn about it.  This time, it’s the Snuggie Sutra.

K'man!

Based on the Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian sex guide (like how The Joy of Sex bent over spoofed The Joy of Cooking… and the Kama Sutra), the Snuggie Sutra offers up suggestions for couples, depending upon whether you’re blue or pink, or your Snuggie is blue or pink (or green or zebra), it looks… hot.

And I don’t mean the way you think… **

*Proof…

Me typing in my Snuggie (watching the Colbert Report)

**(Or maybe I do.)

Couldn’t Let This One Go

Posted on by sgottahurt

I used this pic in a post a couple days ago, but I don’t think anybody read it (if you did, thank you!).  I fear this formula I formulated possibly went unnoticed, so here it is again, this time accompanied by my screaming at the top of my lungs…

NOTICE ME!

simplemath

After all the above groveling, I don’t find the formula all that humorous anymore.  Hmm.

In My Brain While Sleeping… So Long, Tiny Zebra And Tiny Cougar, I Will Miss You

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know of any better way to convey this oddity of a dream that stuck with me.  So here it is chronologically.  Now with 100% more pictures!

cruisecopter

I started off on a cruise ship that went to an island (of course), and I took a helicopter out to sea.

 

 

Dramatization (not an actual plier-mouthed porpoise)

Dramatization (not an actual plier-mouthed porpoise)

And because I was afraid of heights (from being in the helicopter), I jumped into ocean, hitched on ride on tandem jet ski, and saw huge porpoises with wrench-like teeth and giant dolphins leaping  over row boats and other jet skis.

 

 

 

 

simplemathOnce I reached dry land found, I found a tiny zebra and a tiny cougar (both were pocket-sized).

 

deepimpactI carried them around we me (in my pockets, natch) until I witnessed a tsunami coming ashore from opposite directions.

 

bedpanThen it suddenly turned into “real life” and I was at one of my company’s clients that sells medical equipment.  I gave my tiny zebra and my tiny cougar to their employees, so they could be cared for.

 

 

hamburgerdressI ended up finding out that the medical supplier had started manufacturing meat products out of zebras and cougars in general, so I narc’d reported them to the authorities.  

 

 

 

roadkillI thought they were marketing the meat as ‘hamburger,’ but in fact, they were selling it as ‘wild game’ to a restaurant near my office.

 

 

INGREDIENTS: Jellybean Nerds and Mountain Dew