Worth 1002 Words… Where Is My Chair? Edition

Seriously, though.

(via @whereismychair on Twitter.  Apparently some douchey teacher always complains about someone taking his chair.  In reality, the chair has a life of its own…)

Advertisements

Drunken Recollection… Don’t Make A “Great One” Pun, Don’t Make A “Great Two” Pun

I’m a late entry fan to hockey and the NHL.  But having said that, I’ve been a fan since 1995.  Since then, I’ve been aware of Wayne Grezky and his status as The Great One, but I never witnessed any of the feats he performed to attain such an acknowledgement.

(SIDENOTE: Much to my chagrin, the same thing goes for Barry Sanders.  I’ve only started following the NFL since 2006…)

Anywayne, add to my disappointment that I didn’t know The Great One had a 22-year-old daughter that had a predilection to post provocative pictures of herself on Twitter.  And if G.I. Joe taught me anything, knowing is half the battle.  (However, it did not teach me not to drink before playing soccer.)

Here are some pictures of Paulina Gretzky in case you too were iced out (sadly, The Great one has since made her quit using Twitter… talk about a slap shot):

She did not borrow those glasses from any officials, I'm telling you...

Hat trick. I just had to make some caption.

Puck.

(More pics here.)

So now I find myself in a similar quandary as I did when I had my crush on Chris Elliott’s daughter, Abby:

More like, Sunday Morning Live

And my upcoming crush on Mirror Mirror star, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins (she plays Snow White in the re-imagining):

Sadly, her father does not play one of the Seven Dwarfs.

Imagine if  this dude was singing this song to any of the above dads:

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Newest Social Networking Tool

"matrixicon"

It was going to be all the rage – at least in my dream.

Introducing DOTTER™ – the newest social networking tool.

Much like Facebook status updates, Twitter feeds, and Friendster beeper pagings, DOTTER™ would keep those in the need to know in the know now.

It’s easy to use to… using advanced DOT MATRIX TECHNOLOGY, tell everyone your thoughts, feelings, and meal options in 140 PIXELS OR LESS.

Did I mention this dream took place in the 80’s?  Way back when there was no TripleDoubleU?

Well that never stopped these guys:

What Twits Used to Use to Twitter... circa 1935

(via Urlesque)

Happy Find… Please Rob Me

Well not me, specifically...

I don’t say this often – mostly because the majority of things are not – but here I go… BRILLIANT!

I’ve often thought when perusing my Twitter feeds, “Why did he or she say that?”

Usually the that pertains to a variety of other inappropriate TMI-type things.  Sometimes though, people report where they are at, and by stating that, they are informing us Twitter users where they are not, and that long run-on sentence leads me to this:

Please Rob Me

It’s a website that collects Tweets of people announcing their whereabouts, and it leaves the rest up to you go-getters.

It only leads me to question whether there’s a site that collects what people on Twitter eat.  Wait, yeah… there is.

Happy Find… Be F—ing Awesome

Are you tired of posting comments on your Twitter feed and not getting the reaffirming comments you deserve?  Then I’ve* found the answer!

befuckingawesome

I've only just begun my quest toward awesomeness!

Be Fucking Awesome!

A haven of heavenly circle jerking!

A cornucopia of corny boasting!

A bucket of, um, buck-stops-here proclamations!

(I’m WYSeanIWYG, because, well, What You Sean Is What You Get.)

*Actually found by Chris

Happy Find… Lamebook

I never got into either MySpace or Facebook.  The trendiness didn’t appeal to me (and for the record, I was into Twitter before the huge Twitstorm hit… luckily, it’s subsiding).

So it wouldn’t and shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to create a comparably named forum to mock the uncouth denizens of , and it didn’t (as far as I know).

Introducing (unless you’ve already met) Lamebook, where the h8rs can h8t freely, without having a Facebook account, courtesy of h8rs that have Facebook accounts.

From the entry titled, "That Sucks"

From the entry titled, "That Sucks"

This is a mere sampling of a sampling.  I don’t know whether I dodged a bullet, or I’m missing the gunfight, but for now, I’ll stick to Lamebook (even though it’s one of the rare websites I happily found that doesn’t have the word “fuck” in the title).

Drunken Recollection… News At The Speed Of Twitter

Last night, while playing trivia at the bar (natch), a question came up (natch) that we made an educated guess on (unnatch… we usually guess blindly).

The question in question:

In what year was the stamp first used:

  • 1640
  • 1780
  • 1860
  • 1910
True story. Also explains BGP... ("Beer Goggle Phenomenon")

True story. Also explains BGP... ("Beer Goggle Phenomenon")

Since my intelligence increases exponentially with the amount of alcohol intook (intaked? intaken? I’m not drunk enough to know this right now!), I stumbled upon a method of deduction.

In ye days of ole, peasants probably wouldn’t speak to each other via any other method but their mouth or fastest son.  Maybe a carrier pigeon if they figured that bit out.  And monarchs had messengers, as did this country’s forefathers.  Remember, they had that whole bit about wax seals (not to be confused with wax walruses).

So we talked and chatted it up.  WWI would be way to late, and it seemed like the Old West would have had mail.  Then it struck me – The Pony Express!  I didn’t know what year they were around, but 1860 sounded ’bout right.  And lo!  ‘Twas!

We hooted and hollered it up and guessed performed well the remainder of the game… until Doc Holliday tripped us up.  Actually, it was Satine.  From the movie Moulin Rouge!  (The producer’s exclamation point – not mine.)  We could not for the love of the game of trivia think of tuberculosis, as in “What did she die from?”  We knew Doc had it, and maybe Walt Kowalski had it, but alas, we did not get it.  Farewell sweet $100…

But I digress. All of the above is not what this post was supposed to be all about.  I know it is so far, but bear with me.  This is about a little unexpected experiment that occurred after trivia, and it ties in with the Pony Express.

This took me way longer to make than I would have liked.  Speaking of which - do you like?

This took me way longer to make than I would have liked. Speaking of which - do you like?

Right after the game, my friend and I thought it would be funny to put on Twitter that he and his girlfriend (whom was sitting beside him) had broken up.  Not even a minute after posting it via my lovely iPhone (it’s just a 3G, not a 3GS – don’t H8), each of their phones were blowing up.  Followers Friends on Twitter asked for details and offered denials.  It was amazing.

Okay, I guess the bulk of this post was about the Pony Express after all.

(Sorry Sue about all the damage control, but remember what I do is in the name of comedy, whether people find it funny or not!)

No wonder Twitter Bird is so fast!

No wonder Twitter Bird is so fast!