(Mostly) Awful Battle… Flicks I’ve Seen Abroad

As Fred Durst once said, "Keep rollin'..."

Whenever I travel the United States, it’s practically a guarantee that I will see at least one movie in the theater at my destination.  Sometimes I will even see movies on the way there.  When I’ve visited other countries, it’s not as common, but it has happened.

On my recent trip to Prague, I was fairly certain I was going to survive without visiting the local cinema, especially since I watched so many movies on a laptop and on the plane ride.  After walking around Krakow for five hours non-stop, and having a hotel check-in still hours away, a moving picture show was an inevitable break.

The options were limited.  This was the result:

 

Tamara Drewe

Now in my defense, the poster was much more innocuous.  It contained three faces framed in colored boxes (one belonging to the alluring, formerly six-fingered, Gemma Arterton), the name “Tamara” – which could have easily been Polish just like everything else in the ad, and Stephen Frears.

Stephen Frears directed High Fidelity and Dirty Pretty Things.  He also directed The Grifters and Dangerous Liaisons.  Hero, anyone?  (The Hero with Andy Garcia, Dustin Hoffman, and Geena Davis.  Anyone?!)  I thought it was a safe bet.  It was only safe – nothing challenging or acutely interesting at all.

Nonetheless, it got me thinking about other spectacles witnessed in exotic locales.  I’m not too proud.

LONDON, ENGLAND

I saw the one-two, um, punch of The Dark Knight and Donkey Punch.  I’m embarrassed to admit to seeing the latter, whereas I’m embarrassed to admit how much I paid* to see the former.  Especially since it was the third time I saw the superhero masterpiece.

The Former

 

The Latter

PARIS, FRANCE

I would like to say this was the only film playing in version originale, meaning it was in English with French subtitles, so I am.

Notting Hill

WINDSOR, ONTARIO

I had to The Mexican in Canada.

I had to.

 

The Mexican

* I paid £9 in 2008… that equaled $18.

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Happy Find… Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Videos

Detroit has been in sort of a rough spot lately, so where can someone go to get away from their Motor City blues?

Howzabout CLEVELAND!

Courtesy of BishopVids, creators of the videos you’re about to see:

See?  It’s the perfect escape!

(Thanks to Steve for the find)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Perry Como Torture

I woke up this morning with this lyric stuck in my head: “Gee, the traffic is…”

I couldn’t remember the other word.  “The traffic is delicious.”  “The traffic is ridiculous.”  “The traffic is… delicious.”  I felt like Andy Bernard in “The Office” when he could remember the end of “Break me off a piece of that-duh-duh-duh!”

So first thing I do is turn on my pc to Google search the lyric, and found that “Gee, the traffic is terrific.”  Leave it to Perry Como to be happy about it!  And no wonder I couldn’t think of it!

Anywaterunderthebridge, I also dreamt an idea for “Hard Rain 2,” which may come in handy since Christian Slater’s once again out of work.  Although, in my version, Seth Rogan was one of the guys, and I think I had Nicholson Lite’s role.  I would detail it here, but it is actually pretty cool (IMHO) so I’m holding onto it for now.  If I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know (after any person I know in real life that will pretend to listen to me, i.e. my siblings).

(Some Andy Bernard highlights after the jump… and some bonus Creed.)

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Where The Hell Is That Smile On Your Face, That Salty Tear Down Your Cheek, That Warm Feeling Inside Your Heart, And, Um, Matt

Almost 12,000,000 people have seen this.  Up until this past weekend, I had not.  If I can spread this onto at least one more of you, I will feel that I’ve done my good deed for the year.  Now I can drink my beer, watch my porn, and insult my friends and family without any further feelings of ill will…

All right, I never feel ill will, but it does bother me that I don’t. 

No, it doesn’t.

Where the Hell is… Matt? and where the hell is my pizza!  I ordered it an hour ago!