I’ve posted about my love of 5 Second Films before, but for those uninitiated, here’s a sample:
Well, on another favorite site of mine, Everything is Terrible, they’ve been perfecting their craft of the 3-Minute Movie edit, even though two of the most recent releases have fallen under 180 seconds.
From the Stephen Baldwin/Tom Berenger collaboration, Cutaway:
Brain-‘sploding intensity from Scanner Cop II:
And although this is not from EIT, it sums up Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen perfectly. (NOTE: It feels long even though it’s one minute long.)
I remember being a lad of about 29 years old, and I finally gathered the nerve to ask my mom, “Where do babies come from?”
I often think back to my childhood, and remember Saturday mornings as a kid. Rolling out of bed from underneath my taped together Garbage Pail Kid posters. Grabbing a box of Cocoa Krispies and the biggest bowl I could handle. Turning on the TV without a remote control because we had none. Zoning out to crappy yet awesome cartoons and the commercials that sold me on Transformers and Star Wars and Centurions and M.A.S.K. with little to no effort. Then there would come along one of these ads:
Granted, it’s not one of the most heartwarming, but very often, they’d catch me by surprise and effect me on a personal level. Gee, maybe I should help my neighbor shovel the snow instead of throwing snowballs at them from my fort, I might consider. What I didn’t realize at the time was that it was a COMMERCIAL FOR A RELIGION! If I wasn’t born and raised RoamingRecovering Roman Catholic, seeing Jesus H. Christ’s name up there might have been a red alert, but I was, so it didn’t. (Also, I wasn’t raised in a way that told me we were the only ones that were right, so at least I had that going for me.)
So now this little vid is making it’s way around the web. I recieved it via a link in an email from frequent idea spurner Dave, and I watched it in similar wonder to the old LSD, er, I mean LDS commercials. It was beautiful, and in fact made me happy to be alive. Damn YouTube and their header captions:
I guess what I’m saying is it’s much more effective than this old thang:
In other words, how can so many inches of Tom Cruise can be wrong? (My guess: 60 of his 67…)
In honor, anticipation, and fear of desperate loathing for next week’s release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, here are some of the film’s stars in what could quite possibly be the best robot song ever…
I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth. No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)
It’s even better than that:
I completely forgot about them! And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:
Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?
McDino Changeables? Isn’t that going a little bit too far?
But how could I ever forget this crew:
They're like the Village People of fast food.
I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).
Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.
While Paul’s out of the office and off dreaming up new lists on vacation, I thought I would play catch up. We’ve been too busy at work (and I’m not posting my boss’ lists while I’m playing at home), so since I have a slight chance to breathe today, here we go:
Top 5 Professional Sports Moments[Ed. – Local anyway, and without further explanation]
1.) 1997 Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs
2.) 1997 Michigan Football NCAA Champs
3.) 1989 Michigan Basketball NCAA Champs
4.) 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series Champs
5.) 2008 Detroit Lions fire Matt Millen
[Ed. – Oh yeah. Guess where Paul went to college…]
Top Five 80’s Cartoon Theme Songs[Ed. – With explanations and video!]
1.) G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – “He’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble…” (This should replace the Star Spangled Banner.)
2.) Transformers – “More than meets the eye…” (Song seemed to be ahead of it’s time.)
3.) The Wuzzles – “Two types of fun, wrapped up and rolled… into one!” (What could be better?)
4.) M.A.S.K. – “Masked crusaders, working overtime, fighting crime.” (Song passes the time test.) [Ed. – I had to twist his arm to get this included – it’s my favorite.]
5.) Silverhawks – “Partly metal, partly real.” (Very underated show. Plus, it has a sweet guitar solo.)
Top Five Stores That No Longer Exist (Now in Reverse Order)[Ed. – My favorite list so far.]
5.) The Old Ballpark – Every baseball card collector’s favorite store located in Livonia. If you wanted mint rookie cards of Alan Trammell or Lou Whitaker, this place had ’em.
4.) Great Scott, A&P, Farmer Jack (all lumped in together) – I do have the fondest memories of Great Scott, as it was our old school place to buy groceries. [Ed. – “Old school,” as in O.G. boyee!]
3.) Highland Appliance – “50 watts per channel babycake!” Oh, the memories of buying our first 27″ color tv and our first camcorder, which was VHS-C.
2.) Babbage’s (honorable mention goes to Egghead Software) – I remember browsing the shelves of hundreds of games for my 286 PC at Fairlane Mall.
1.) Children’s Palace – Heaven on Earth to all of us kids who grew up in the 80’s. Enough said. [Ed. – Also, my first job.]
When I was at my favorite movie theater recently (I am a card carrying Frequent Movie Watcher), I noticed that they had (intentionally) placed four strikingly familiar posters beside one another. I couldn’t quite place what was so similar, but they all drew the exact same emotional reaction from me…
…ho-hum. Just what the ad execs ordered (okay, maybe the T4 poster is kinda cool). Instead, I think they should have hired this guy:
Vodpod videos no longer available. My guess is that it all started with this poster:
My sister, Tammie, had a good chortleguffaw chuckle when she heard me ask this one time:
Hey Chris, what does it mean when my Wii’s glowing blue?
She lost it, and upon thinking how ridiculous it sounded out of context, others joined her giggles, myself included. As it turns out, she may slowly be turning into my foil.
Let me further explain.
Last night, one of my friends stopped by with his two sons. They’re cute enough, nice enough kids, but where my friend made the mistake was to inform his children that I had toys.
What I have are not toys. They’re collectibles. Two totally different things.
Upon arriving, and not expecting them to stay long as I had mentioned plans to head to trivia, the boys whipped off their scarves and knit caps and bundled coats and proclaimed, “Where’s the toys?”
I begrudgingly lead the trio back to my DVD room (yes, they have their own room… they kinda require a room when they reach 1200+). In there, I have Indiana Jones figures, Lego playsets, Transformers, and Matt Trakker of M.A.S.K. re-released as a G.I. Joe, all in their packages. Of course, the first thing to reached for is Trakker.
“I know how to put this together,” the oldest proclaimed.
“So do I,” was my response as I put it back.
On one of the cabinets, I have some open figures on display which include mini Ninja Turtles, mini Transformers, a mini Grimlock cartoon figure that does not move, and both versions of Bumblebee from the Michael Bay movie.
They moved onto these collectibles, and within minutes, Grimlock was in pieces (I don’t think he’s supposed to come that much apart, if even at all), the rubberbands holding the weapons in the Turtles’ hands were snapped, and the ’77 Camaro Bumblebee was being stabbed by his own laser sword.
I have learned patience through all the years of working with computers, but when it comes to children—
My friend kept talking to me and I kept thinking, doesn’t he see what they’re doing? The youngest had to go #2 and took Raphael with him. Raphael! RAPHAEL?!
When they were finally getting packed up to ship out, I told my friend he could visit with them again in about 10 years.
Now back to Tammie. As I recounted the situation to her, she just laughed at me again. The definition of a foil according to Answers.com:
One that by contrast underscores or enhances the distinctive characteristics of another: “I am resolved my husband shall not be a rival, but a foil to me” (Charlotte Brontë).
She said, “You do realize you’re complaining about children playing with your toys.”
Gather ’round, gather ’round, kiddies… it’s time for another one of Uncle Sean’s drunk stories… this one is about a Halloween party where I learned a hard life lesson…
I consider myself a cardboard specialist. Sort of a masterboarder, if you will. Two examples:
Get it? Duck-Duck-Goose! Ah, go duck yourself.
I ain't afraid of no--OMG! Is that orb a ghost?!
Your Aunt Tammie and Uncle Will wanted something simple, cheap, and quick a few Halloween’s back. She came up with the concept; I came up with the design.
A Halloween or two prior to that, I studied my “Ghostbusters” accessories, and mocked up a poor man’s version (a.k.a. child’s version) of their Proton Pack to go along with my tan jumpsuit and patches.
My talent first revealed itself to me a Halloween or two prior to that one. (There was one party in the middle where I grew out my beard and hair and went as Tom Hanks in “Cast Away.” I was going to follow-up as Robert Duvall in “THX 1138” the next year by shaving my head, but I went on vacation instead. As if you cared.)
The event that birthed my boardery occurred at a private gathering in the basement of a hall. Upstairs, a wedding reception was held, and upon walking through the front doors of the hall, the groom exclaimed, “Optimus Prime!”
Michael Bay, eat your heart out.
He didn’t yell to Uncle Jay, “Starscream!” He yelled the character I was playing. (Although he did also shout “Dogma!” when he saw Uncle Chris dressed as Matt Damon in the film – he was a wingless angel in armor. Nerd!)
Later in the night, prior to the police arriving to break up the Halloweed festivities, a group of us would eventually make our way back up to the reception to seek out more alcohol. There’s video somewhere out there of Optimus Prime and Starscream dancing with the bride and bridesmaids. But that’s not what this tale’s about.
Despite the fact that Jay and I won Best Couple (again, before that whole cop crackdown thing), there was a bitter Energon cube I was forced to swallow. While talking to a pair of G.I. Janes, my good old buddy was getting all the attention. I blew up. “I’m the leader of the Autobots,” I began. “Starscream doesn’t lead anything. In fact all he does is whine to Megatron. It’s his wingspan, isn’t it? It’s always about the wingspan. Don’t lie and tell me differently.”
Thank Cybertron the boys in blue cancelled the show.
MORAL OF THE STORY: No matter what you do, no matter how much you accomplish in life, girls always love the bad boys.
Here’s a question, and it’s a doozy. Could you believe someone on Planet Mother @#$%ing Earth, in this age of Instant Internet Gratification, that anyone of the us in the path of The Giant Spoon Chock Full of Mashed Pop Culture (we all wait with our mouths open), would not know who this is?
Duly named if you cover the n
My sister, Tammie, and I carpooled today, and she dropped the bombshell about the Bombshell on me this morning. “Who’s Megan Fox?” I dropped some names of the movies she’s been in – “Transformers,” uh, the next “Transformers,” “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.” It didn’t help.
Not needed, but hey... (also not needed: butt hay)
When I picked her up after work, she had done some homework while at work. After scouring the TripleDoubleU, she told me that Megs reminded her of a more delicate Courtney Cox (ugh). I did disclose that she had some cosmetic surgery, and that I wasn’t a big fan of that. But my sister regaled in the fact she was engaged to this guy (not him, but the – oh, you’ll see):
Our other discussions weren’t as noteworthy, except for the fact that during some part of the chat I wasn’t really paying attention to, I almost threw up in my mouth when she told me she and her fiance have “mutual trust.” (I almost gagged again.) I don’t know why. I think it conjures S&M or something. Gross.
Oh, and one last thing: the song at the beginning of the trip was Weezer’s “Troublemaker.” The song at the end – “Troublemaker.” Ah, modern radio.
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