soccer

In My Brain While Sleeping… A New Sport

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ll admit – I’ve had some stinkers of ideas in my sleep, and I’ve had some brilliant money makers.

This dream idea might fall somewhere in the middle.

Basically, the premise of this new sport was this:

Soccer meets parkour

The game would be played in public areas – the more crowded the better.  And the goals would be random things, like knock over this, or break that.

Here’s an example I’ve created that takes place at a comic book convention:

(Not Too Shabby) Artistic Representation

Oh yeah… I forgot to mention the name of the game:

OBSTICCER

(or OBSTOOTBALL in every other country)

Musical Musings… Bands Named After Sports Jargon

Posted on by sgottahurt

He used that card to pick out his shirt color at Sears.

 

With all the brouhaha about the World Cup (and the brew-ha-ha’s over funny beer cups), I started thinking… hey, the band Yellowcard must have gotten their band name from yellow cards.  Since I got the soccer-referenced band name out-of-the-way, let’s move onto some others: 

FOOTBALL

Not this kind of nickel back...

 

Nickelback is a Canadian band named after a position in an American sport.  They claim their name is in reference to change band member Mike Kroeger would return to customers while working at Starbucks, but that’s suspect.  Under this pretense, the band could have been named Sixcentsback or Buck-O-Nine.  I’m sticking to the football ties. 

Helmet could fall under football… or baseball… or hockey… or bicycling… but I tend to believe their moniker derives from Vikings… if Vikings were condoms. 

HOCKEY

When you only got 100 years to live, you don't need to see crap like this.

 

You wouldn’t think a guy with a high-pitched falsetto would be a hockey fan, but John Ondrasik must be enough of when to name his band himself, Five for Fighting.  I was going to let this be a standalone entry, until I came across a mention of The Zambonis.  “Who they hell are they?” I said to myself.  “I won’t include them if I never heard any of their music.”  Turns out, I did.  Hockey Monkey was the theme song to a short-lived show I enjoyed (and forgot to include on this list) called The Loop: 

BASEBALL

Alfred Hitchcock meets Christopher Lloyd and Tony Danza in "Birds in the Outfield"

 

Are you ready for the battle of the one hit (baseball pun!) wonders? 

One of my all-time favorite songs from the 80’s has to be Your Love by The Outfield, my primary entry for the All-American Rejects Sport.  On the other hand, Fastball’s The Way has to be one of the most annoying songs from the 90’s (mostly courtesy of overplay… but still). 

BASKETBALL

Bill Berry traveled from the Chicago Bulls to the Washington Wizards, but he's only one guy.

 

This sport was the toughest one.  I was hard half-court pressed to think of a single entry here.  And suddenly there were two (courtesy of my boss/friend Paul): 

  1. Blues Traveler (FYI and off subject – John Popper was hilarious in Z Rock)
  2. Travelling Wilburys

Stretches?  Both yes.  But basketball players are usually very tall… 

BONUS SPORTS, a.k.a. OVERTIME

RUNNERS UP

HONORABLE MENTION

Huey Lewis and the News for having albums entitled Sports and simply, Fore!

Happy Find… I’m Ready For My St. Patrick’s Day Extravaganza

Posted on by sgottahurt

Oh glorious day!

Last night, between my basketball game and my soccer game (minimal blisters this time in case anyone worried), I stopped at a local bar chain called Bailey’s.  I arrived at 10:30pm and ordered myself a Guinness (the best beer to drink before playing soccer in case anyone wondered).

I found out that starting at 11pm, there was to be special pricing on the heavy brew (I pretend it’s a melted malt shake).  I also found out if you stood up and read a toast, you would get a long sleeve Guinness shirt, and this:

guinness-hat

Unfortunately, I was to be leaving at 11pm to for football, so my buddy, Rodney, opted to do to give the toast on behalf of me.

Little did he know, he would be the only one to volunteer and actually do it.  (Another guy stood up to join him, but said little to nothing.)  He had to get the entire bar’s attention and read the pre-written cheer.

When we returned, he gave me both the shirt and hat, and for that I’m eternally (or least until St. Patrick’s Day) grateful.

A toast to Rodney!  Sláinte!

Drunken Recollection… Bombs, Bugs, And Blisters

Posted on by sgottahurt

There are things you’re taught, and there are things you learn.  There are things you know, and things you choose not to remember.  Sometimes these things come up at the bar.

Here are examples are each:

1) Things you’re taught.  I was unaware of the existence of cornmeal bombs, and then one day I was taught not only their purpose, but how they work.  Thanks CSI!

2) Things you learn. One of my buddies (Derek) works as a scientist (he says he’s not but by all intents and purposes, I say he is – just like how I refer to my engineering friends as inventors).  What his job entails is creating bugs that will get rid of these guys:

emeraldashborer

How much wood can a woodborer bore if a... wait, it can. So all of it.

What I think is cool (which is highly subject, considering I think it’s cool to be considered a scientist), is that I had no idea he did this now.  The last I heard he was categorizing lake muck, no he’s scientist-ing with insects!  Also, I had seen signs all around Michigan for years saying not to transplant wood because of the Emerald Ash Borer pictured above, but I had no idea that it looked… like… that.  Not to sound stereotypical, but it comes from Asia, and it looks like something that would come from Asia (is that stereotypical sounding?), in that I mean it looks foreign, and regal, and traditional (nice recovery).  Anywood, since it’s winter, Derek cuts down trees to put them in heat chambers that fool the little dormant buggers into thinking it’s spring, then he unleashes his (team’s) creations on them!  Awesome!

3) Things you know.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and I know I don’t have the right shoes for it, so I know that I’m going to get a blister or two from speeding running jogging up and down the court.

4) Things you choose not to remember.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and the chance came up to play last night.  I had a soccer game that started late, so I knew I could squeeze in a couple hours of hoops.  Then I’d have no problem playing soccer right after…

[INSERT GENERIC IMAGE OF BLISTER ON FOOT, PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY THAT’S NOT GOING TO PUT UP ANY PICTURES LIKE THIS]

Minor Facts That Didn’t Make It To The Fact Sheet

Posted on by sgottahurt

FACT 1: I never stop my engine when I get gas.  Someone yelled at me the other day about it.

But my argument is that it saves me at least 38 seconds, every three days, in my hectic high paced life of writing and fixing computers and drinking.  This video is why I don’t fix my sweater when I get out of my car:

 
I really do wish it was also a lesson in how blowing on a flaming gas dispenser, or scraping it on the cement to put a fire out, is a bad idea, but we can’t have everything I guess.

FACT 2: I play soccer.  It’s indoor, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been rocked in the face by a kicked ball.

Scratch that “getting rocked” comment above.  I get pebbled compared to this guy:

 
And that’s not even that bad, in comparison to this.

FACT 3: And speaking of getting rocked, I was at one point an aspiring rock star.  (This is way before I realized my dreams playing Rock Band.)

I was perhaps a little better than this guy:


At least, I would have had the common sense not to be in a shower in my video.  If I did, then the world would know I shower in swim trunks.  I must stop doing that!