Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Teen Wolf Writers Are No Heroes

teen_wolf_double_creature

Who let the wolves out? Wolf, wolf, wolf...

Though 80’s classics, I never could get into the Teen Wolf movies (soon to be an MTV show).  There was something unfulfilling about them, though they were ripe with fodder (<—a phrase not used often enough).

I was a big fan of both Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman at the time of each respective release, so what went wrong?

I may have found the answer via Topless Robot’s Twitter feed.  Commenters on the nerd-centric blog pointed out a peculiar Coinkydink (or Coinkydonk – vote below) to site-founder, Rob Bricken, while he was on a tizzy about NBC’s Heroes driving him to drink. 

The facts are these (I sorely miss Pushing Daisies, which was created by Heroes’ only hero – Bryan Fuller):

jeph-loeb

A face only a motherfucker could punch.

tim-kring

Probably overheard saying, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

While this makes little sense to those non-nerd-centric-minded out there, the reason why Heroes sucked sucks so bad (I try to pretend it isn’t on anymore), is that it was created by Tim Kring, the guy that wrote a sequel to a crap cash grab movie by Jeph Loeb, and Tim Kring brought Jeph Loeb on board to help oversee Heroes (for awhile).

(SIDENOTE: Loeb was fired last year, but it happened at the point Leo DiCaprio let go of the wood board Kate Winslet was floating on, if Heroes was the Titanic… basically, it occurred too late.)

So if you’re wondering… what am I bashing more – Teen Wolf one and Too, or Heroes?  My answer is this: I’m not finished. 

While Tim Kring might have went on to create Crossing Jordan and produce Providence (two moderately successful shows I would never watch),  he did work on Chicago Hope and Misfits of Science (two awesome shows I wish were on DVD).  And the first season of Heroes was great, which gains him some ground, but again, he did hire Loeb, so there that goes…

Now Jeph Loeb on the other hand:

  • Wrote the wretched X-Man for Marvel Comics, which facilitated my disconnect with the X-Men Universe in paper-and-ink form (tubby Brett Ratner did the same in regard to the films)
  • Produced the highly suspect, and in retrospect, pretty crappy, second season of Lost
  • While producing and writing for Smallville, he introduced young Superman to Red Kryptonite, which is usually green; now writing again at Marvel, he introduced Red Hulk to battle green Hulk

In his (slight) defense, Loeb did write Arnie’s Commando, and he has been recognized positively for his comic writing (he’s received four Eisner‘s and five Wizard Fan Awards).  But let me get to the nitty-gritty…

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Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Oxycodone + Morons = Oxy-Morons

Meet the Oxy-Morons:

Smallville's Sam Jones & Bog Brother's Adam Jasinski

Smallville's Sam Jones & Big Brother's Adam Jasinski

I don't oxycodone the abuse of prescription medication.

I don't oxycodone the abuse of prescription medication.

Within 24 hours, it was announced that two former “tv stars” were picked up by the DEA in connection with buying and selling oxycodone AKA oxycontin AKA hillbilly heroin AKA Rush Limbaugh’s best friend.

Sam Jones played young Superman’s best friend in the first three seasons of Smallville, and Adam Jasinski played “Baller” on the ninth season of Big Brother.

Jones was picked up in Los Angeles and had in his possession 10,000 pills; Jasinski was picked up North Reading, Massachusetts with 2000 pills, which he purchased with the half-million dollars he won on the summer long show.

What’s the connection that makes this a possible Coinkydink or a possible Coinkydonk?

The fact that they happened so close together, people.  Isn’t that enough?

How weird is it that the DEA targeted two individuals selling hillbilly heroin in two different states with two different amounts in their possession?  How weird is it that they were featured in two different shows on two different networks and that were opposite styles (sci-fi drama and reality)?

Jones could have been the Hollywood mastermind, a real-life villain if you will.  And he used his connections to lure the champion Jasinski that just won $500,000 to distribute pills in a sorta small town.

Real-life villain… Superman meets reality tv… small town… North Reading like Smallville… the feds are watching… Big Brother has cameras everywhere… their last names both start with JJor-El is Superman’s father’s… Julie Chen hosted Big Brother… anything?

All I Want For Christmas Is… More Scrubs Soundtracks

Aaah, “Scrubs.”  You are the middle child between “E.R.” (the secondone with George Clooney, not the first… look it up) and the highly comedic, though at most times unintentional, “Grey’s Anatomy,” and you’re still the best at what you do.  (I picked Michael Crichton’s show as a reference point because it was an issue when “Scrubs” premiered.  People wondered why they would need two shows about interns.  Ask CBS what they think about crime scene investigators… and for that matter, what NBC thinks about blending cop procedural and court cases.)

Mixing pathos and humor so well for seven seasons, like a fine chef or bottle-flipping bartender (more Bryan Brown than Tom Cruise), you finally started getting some respect once you hit that magical 100th episode (that’s when shows can get syndicated).  NBC had been dicking you around for years, and when the seventh season was up for grabs, ABC – your owner – was ready to take over.  Having little else going on over at NBC, they used up the short season (due to the writer’s strike), and then hung you out to dry.  You’ll get to finish your magnificent run on ABC starting in January, but that’s not what this post is about.

scrubsIt’s all about the music, baby.  No other show utilizes the music to advance the story quite like “Scrubs.”  Check out the integration of Colin Hay’s Overkill (formerly of Men at Work).  What upsets me is that they’ve only released one CD for sale after the first season (after the fifth season they did a collection only available on iTunes… 14 songs to cover four seasons), but i want more.

greyscd“Grey’s Anatomy” gets three CD’s, but they push their music, not quite like “Smallville” did at the end of its early episodes, but there still is a hey, check out this quirky new artist quality about it.  Hence them releasing three CD’s.  “Scrubs” just lets it be, and maybe that’s why I prefer music from them.  It’s between the show and the audience – there is no marketing department forcing the producers’ hands.  So when season six ends on Say Anything’s Alive with the Glory of Love, I should just accept it as the way it is and be happy.

What?  There’s a torrent full of “Scrubs” music?  Never mind.

Oh Canadian Hotties! Eh?

This is a list I have been meaning to make for a while.  Presenting Six Reasons Why Canada Rocks!  (Plus Three Honorable Mentions)

sarah-chalkeSarah Chalke (Ottawa, Ontario) – From playing second Becky in “Roseanne” to second fiddle behind JD and Turk’s bromance in “Scrubs,” Ms. Chalke has always held her own against giant personalities and crazy sitcom-uations.  She has a way of pulling off clumsy and sexy in one fell swoop.

 

evangeline-lilly_01Evangeline Lilly (Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta) – I’d like to believe she’s possibly one of the best actresses on this list.  Aside from her Live Links ad, all I have to judge her skills on is “Lost.”  Her character, Kate, is damaged yet strong, worried yet brave, a dreamer yet a realist.  And Evie sells it – hook, line, and underground bunker.

 

elishacuthbertElisha Cuthbert (Calgary, Alberta) – Where in the world has Elisha been?  Since “24,” a minor role in “Old School,” and “The Girl Next Door” (which was awesome BTW), she’s been in schlock like “House of Wax,” “The Quiet,” and “Captivity.”  She returns for Season 7 of “24.”  Hopefully better roles will follow.  (BONUS: check out her appearance on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!“)

ericaduranceErica Durance (Calgary, Alberta) – Possibly the girl next door to Elisha over in Calgary (I’m imagining Erica was her babysitter), Erica came to my attention when she began her role as Lois Lane in “Smallville.”  Smart, tough, and a looker enough to make Superman forget his childhood sweetheart (see below).  All I know is she can be my Kryptonite any time she likes.  (Also, she makes a more believable Lois than Kate Bosworth did in “Superman Returns.”  Sorry, Kate!)

caroline-dhavernasCaroline Dhavernas (Montreal, Quebec) – Caroline is definitely the dark horse on this list, and that’s mostly because of one thing – not many people know who she is.  Though most of her work is in French Canadian film, I began to appreciate Caroline (pronounced Caro-lean) for her role as Jaye in the underviewed and wonderful, “Wonderfalls” (another of Bryan Fuller’s cancelled projects, along with “Pushing Daisies” and “Dead Like Me”).  She was also in the American films “Breach” and “Hollywoodland,” but I’ve yet to see those movies.

rachel_mcadamsRachel McAdams (London, Ontario) – I fell for Rachel not in “Mean Girls,” not in “Hot Chick,” but in “The Notebook.”  Damn that movie.  One night playing goal in my soccer game, I threw out my back and made the mistake (or divine choice) of putting “The Notebook” in my DVD player before I passed out.  The next day I awakened to realize I couldn’t move, and no one could help me until way later that day, so I was stuck watching “The Notebook” back-to-back-to-back (Ow, my back!)  Looking forward to seeing her in Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” with Robert Downey, Jr!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

kristin_kreukKristin Kreuk (Vancouver, British Columbia) – From Lana Lang in “Smallville” to Chun-Li in the upcoming “Street Fighter” movie, she’s a small-town cutie that grew into a big city cutie.

 

 

pamandersonPamela Anderson (Ladysmith, British Columbia) – Any list like this has to include the most infamous hot Canadian bacon.  Although I was more fond of her in her “Home Improvement” days.  (A Detroit shout-out to Tim Allen!)

 

 

theshatnerWilliam Shatner (Montreal, Quebec) – The Shat… Mr. King of Canada…   “Twilight Zone,” “Star Trek,” speaking Esperanto in “Incubus,” “TJ Hooker,” “Rescue 911,” “Tek Wars,” Priceline commercials, “Boston Legal,” World of Warcraft commercials… a true national treasure…