Worth 1002 Words… You’ve Probably Already Seen This So Here It Is Just In Case Edition (Plus Bonus Backup!)

Body-of-Christ Slam!

I know that the above image has been going around and around after the passing of “Macho Man” Randy Savage and the passing of the “rapture”… but I still couldn’t resist.  If you’re offended, perhaps this will be more to your liking:

Casual Priest



In My Brain While Sleeping… A Fair Amount Of Skin, A Little Bit Of Aliens, And A Whole Lot Of Rapture

I’ve never read the book, Left Behind, nor saw the movie starring Kirk Cameron, but I currently would like to think it went something like this dream.  The references are many, so I’ll place them in parentheses to help you keep up.

Our pilots are Goofy.

Our pilots are Goofy.

While travelling back to her home in Australia aboard Mickey Mouse Airlines, the beautiful star of the hit television show Claire Voyant suddenly finds many of the passengers on her plane have disappeared.  Even the pilots!  Luckily, someone with experience playing flight simulators is present and successfully lands the aircraft.

(NOTES: The Australian actress was Carissa Walford, pictured below.  This past week she’s co-hosted G4TV’s Attack of the Show in Olivia Munn’s place, and she stole my heart, although not Olivia’s place in my heart.  Don’t fight ladies… there’s room.)

(BONUS FACT: I’ve loved Aussie accents since the days of Olivia Newton-John in Grease, so that’s two Aussie’s and two Olivia’s.)

(EXTRA REFERENCE: Claire on LOST is Australian, and the TV show in my dream shares her first name.  Weeyud.  <–Australian for Weird.)

Sugar and Spice, but not in that order

Sugar and Spice, but not in that order

Anywalfordiftheylooklikecarissa, the unnamed actress presented in my subconscious by, um, Carissa Walford, finds out that the Rapture has happened, and she’s one of those left behind (full circle).

(NOTES: The Rapture as portrayed in fiction in the Bible usually means good people are sucked up into heaven.  Here’s Wikipedia’s breakdown, a snorefest.  The Rapture as portrayed by Blondie is here.)

Basically, as it turns out, all the good people didn’t get sucked up to heaven.  It was aliens that did the sucking up, and they sucked up all the idiots to give our planet another chance.  They were big fans of Claire Voyant and decided that she should run the world.  Ever the go-getter, she obliges, and the world’s mantra becomes

The geeks shall inherit the Earth!

INGREDIENTS: Three mini-burgers and fries from Applebee’s, plus numerous pourings of brew.

Happy Find… Behind Behind The Making Of Left Behind

I try not to pick on religion too much on this site, because I know a lot of people might see the url MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo and think, “Hey, they might have the answers I’m looking for!”  And I’d be all like, “Yes, I do.  It’s up in the Theory Sheet.”

So I’ll leave to the always wonderful Everything is Terrible to mock religion… particularly, a religious film starring none other than Kirk Cameron, Gary Busey, and the Lawnmower Man himself, Jeff Fahey (Jeff, you’ll always be The Marshal to me).  Oh yeah.  It’s about the rapture.

Some of my favorite quotes from the behind the scenes making of Left Behind:

It’s not a real movie until you blow something up!

You see a camel on sand… it says desert.

I think the success of this film really depends on a lot of people going to see it.  [Producer’s emphasis, not mine, unlike at the top of the post… that emphasis was all mine – Ed.]