Hibbidy-Wah?! Blue Ball Sex (But Not How You Think)

I didn’t think anything could beat a Play-Doh dildo (wait, that doesn’t sound right), but I was wrong.

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InASense, Lost… HotMilk Lingerie

The film American Pie introduced the world to a couple of notable items:

  • Stiffler

    Guess what four-letter word he's thinking of...

    Guess what four-letter word he's thinking of...

  • Shitbreak

    Who hasn't been there on a Sunday morning?

    Who hasn't been there on a Sunday morning?

  • A horrific connection to apple pie (no image necessary)
  • And the concept of MILF’s (courtesy of Stiffler’s Mom)

That film came out eons ago, so I’m left to wonder… why does this commercial trouble me so?  (The ending kind of freaks me out.)

Now I know it’s not as horrible as a dick hole in a pie, and maybe I’m being unenlightened by thinking this, but why do things keep breaking in that video?  Is her stomach knocking up over shit?  Is she crazy?  Isn’t that dangerous to have an expectant mother in heels walking around smashed glass?

So many questions…

A Pathname Less Traveled Is Less Traveled For A Reason

So let me get this straight... you cannot even drink beer?

So let me get this straight... you cannot even drink beer?

You know what… I’m kind of digging this blog thing.  I’m thinking about asking my site if she wants to go steady.  I already have the promise ring, and my letter sweater is sure to keep her warm on cold nights when we go walking in the moonlight, my arm over her shoulder, my hand feeling her up.  And I’m serious about it too.  How can I prove it?  These are some sites I wanted to start, but I’m cutting off communication with them immediately, even though I heard they do put out on the first post:

Site: DiatribalDance.com
Slogan: Another Way of Saying Hissy Fit
Purpose: An outlet to bitch and moan about things other people quite frankly could care less about. I’ve decided that’s what this site is for.  And I’m sure you could care less.

Site: AppleJuiceStains.com
Slogan: Porn Reviews In Fifteen Minute Intervals
Purpose: To make money… and have an excuse for watching a ton of porn.  The reason why I abandoned this concept is simple – I didn’t want to embark down that path.  That path being having to watch the entire DVD.

Site: NoonAtNight.com
Slogan: Munching at Midnight like a Mischievous Mogwai
Purpose: Who the hell knows?  But isn’t Gizmo so cute?

Three Things I Learned At The Lions Game

I’m a glutton for punishment.  Yes, I went to watch the Lions take on the Redskins at Ford Field.  Yes, I’m even going to Chicago next weekend to see them battle the Bears.  And why, you ask?

I could be lame and say – beer.  I could be lamer and say – the ladies.  It’s sure not the boys in blue and silver (and dammit if they didn’t get my hopes up again!)

It’s for the things you can learn when you least expect it.  So now I present to you, three things I learned at the Detroit Lions game:

1) You can make plastic out of plants.  You read that right.  And where did I stumble upon this discovery?  My beer cup.  The best part about the company that makes the plant-plastic cups?  Their website is F-K.

2) The Detroit Lions Pet Calendar is not a derogatory euphamism calendar.  A sale can be a powerful, um, selling tool.  At $10 a pop (for the calendar, not a soda… though that price is close), I considered getting one.  If I had, this is a sample of what I would have found.

3) Pornology would make a great name for a website.  But alas, it has already been taken, and not for any good use.  When my buddy, Jay, mispronounced the root word, I swore if the domain name was available, I’d be making a career switch.

Ah, the Power of Beer in a plastic cup made from plants..