JusWondering… Lions Need To Draft Cheerleaders

Another weekend has come and gone.  That means the Detroit Lions can add one more to the number on the right, notching them up to 0-11.  The road ahead looks bleak, but if the New England ButtPats can go for 16 and 0, then so can we!

But I have a theory.  It’s not full-proof, but neither is the theory of relativity… particularly when my Uncle Stan drinks full-proof whiskey on Thanksgiving.  Seriously, is he even related to me?!

Anyhooperthedetroitpistonsmascot, when the Lions use the draft picks received from the Roy Williams trade to Dallas, and the inevitable *crosses finger* first round pick from the undefeated season, I say we use them on a cheerleader squad.  At this point, I say we try anything.

First off, it will get the fans back in the seats so there are no more game day black-outs.  (Us guys are stupid this way.)  That way, it won’t matter if we win or lose.  A simulation:

One friend to another – “Ahhh, not another interception!”
Friend in return – “Hey, check out that hot POA!” 

Smiles on everyone’s face!

Second off, look what adding the Automotion to Detroit Pistons games did for them… six Conference Appearances, two Conference Titles, one Championship.  Coincidence?  (I pronounced it co-inside-ence? to be funny in my head.  Try it.)

Third off (bra-level… yay!), every other team but two has cheerleaders!  (I pronounced it teambuttwo… y’know, real fast in my head, so it sounded like Timbuktu.  For no reason.)

It’s not that every team that has cheerleaders does well, or vice versa.  (Cleveland had a good run in the late 80’s and the New York rammed the ButtPats in last years Super Bowl – and they don’t have cheerleaders.  Is it because they’d be the Brown Girls or the Giant Girls?  You be the judge.)

In closing, some suggestions for the Lions Cheerleaders name, besides simply that or the Lionesses:

  • The Lions Down
  • The Always Lions
  • The Assembly Lions
  • The Lions Around Unemployed
  • The Running Game
  • The Lost Hope… or The Last Hope
  • The Pipe Dreams
  • The Who Cars Anymore?
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

Michigan Population, Now + 2

Holy crapola!  I was going to write a post about Daunte Culpepper getting signed to the Lions earlier, and I’m glad I waited…

The Answer is coming to the Pistons, too!  Allen Iverson wasn’t a big fan of our former coach, Larry Brown… or practice for that matter.

We have hadn’t this many marquee players in town since the 2003-4 Red Wings roster (even though hockey doesn’t really count, right rest of America?)

I mean, the 2006 Tigers had… I give up.  The last superstar we had is a gimme – Barry Sanders. 

(SIDENOTE: My buddy, Jay was a huge Barry fan.  He would have probably given anything to meet him.  One night, in a Canadian strip club, two of my other friends ran into him at the bar, and they exchanged words.  Barry left not soon after, and walked right past Jay as he was getting a $10 table dance.  I don’t know… I find it funny.)

Well, whether this is good news or not will play out in the future, but it may pay off for me much earlier.  You see, I have plans to get personalized sports jerseys for each of the teams.  I already have my #20 Seanders Lions Jersey.  I’m waiting to make sure Curtis Granderson is a Tigers’ franchise guy before I get a #28 Grandersean jersey, because I almost got a #14 Seanahan before Brendan Shanahan was traded to the Rangers (I hope he returns to retire with us, but I always have the option of #13 Datsean – #19 Yzersean seems to be pushing it).  Prior to Iverson, my best Piston pun would have been Taysean, but that’s Prince’s first name.  Could there be a Iversean jersey?

Anyhoopsandhuddles, welcome aboard, Daunte and Allen!  Hopefully, we don’t suck your souls.