I didn’t ever intend this blog to contain a lot of music-related posts, but I can’t help it. Music is everywhere. In movies. On MTV TV. In my car. Which I am in. A lot. For work. Not to live.
So this post will be about a quick train of thought about a few songs that occurred at – you guessed it – a wedding.
First came this song:
We couldn’t remember who sung Wind of Change, and the ambient noise was too loud for Shazam took do its job, so I had to do it the old fashioned way. I Googled it.
Turned out to be by the German band, Scorpions, and it was released in 1990, which was later than I had expected. We also found out Scorpions had also performed the song, Send Me an Angel.
The other mixed-up train of thought occurred when we thought Nights in White Satin (which I always thought was about knights that wore satin armor in protest since I never really listened to the words) was by Procol Harum.
Nope. It was by The Moody Blues. Procol Harum’s most famous diddy was A Whiter Shade of Pale.
Coinkydinkily, they were both released in 1967, and their videos are after the jump.
It virtually sucked. Or was this a time I could have used the word, literally?
Well, I had a dream in which there was a new game system in town – the VirtualBoy 3D!
It looked like the equipment above, except the controller was wireless, and the hard ware broke into two pieces in order to do this:
Talk about "table tennis"...
In case you don’t know what this is, and the above image falls into my category of (Not So) Artistic Representations, each half projected the image that created the 3D game play… pretty neat, eh?
What could be even better than that? How about the video game I dreamed about another day…
It was a game in which the major baddies throughout history are gathered by an evil time traveler, and your character is picked up by another guy from the future that’s already built a team composed of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt. I was planning on making a cover for the game, which was entitled Past President Future, but the above image took too long, and now I’m bored.
It’s so much easier to say than Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi.
Anyguido, the pint-sized Jersey Shore star left the Miami shoreline to invade my slumber and host a party in South Africa.
The festivities were to occur during a lunar eclipse, but she thought that the sun would be out at night. Nonetheless, this upset her greatly. But it was the bumper stickers on the billboard announcing her celebration that upset her more:
(Fairly) Artistic Representation
On some of the billboards, the bumper stickers were placed right on the bathtub picture.
She ended up getting real drunk and arrested in the morning. It kinda looked like this:
If Mrs. Voorhees* had the wherewithal to give her reborn son, Jason, a box of crayons than a barn full of tools, the art he would have produced might have looked something like these:
(Very) Artistic Representation
(Very) Artistic Representation
(Very) Artistic Representation
(Very) Artistic Representation
(Very Scary) Artistic Representation
In all actuality, this is work of Dave Devries, creator of The Monster Engine. If you can’t figure out what he does by looking at the above images (because they’re too frightening), he takes the doodles of children and enhances them.
Click on the above page link to check more out. Oh. He has a book, too.
* I originally started the post with a reference to Chucky since the headline mentioned Child’s Play, but Friday the 13th was a more logical choice. For a pointless article. From a dumb blog.
BONUS! This one’s just plain cool…
Does anyone else hear this one screaming, "Movie!" (As opposed to regular screaming...)
BONUS BONUS! Check out my (Not So) Artistic Representationshere.
BONUS BONUS BONUS! A hilarious TripleDoubleU classic is here.
Much like our friends and family (but not our nose), we can’t pick our dreams. Sure we can influence them, but it’s still the subconscious that gets the final say.
For instance, I recently dreamed about a pair of entirely different movies and their REM-rendered interpretations were off, odd, and, quite frankly, awful.
First up to bat – the above teaser poster. I didn’t envision the look of it (nor the amount of time it took to make it look like passable junk). The plot of The Secret of My Success 2 came through to me like a whisper in the night. Well, maybe not a whisper… more like a coughing hack.
The CEO of McDonald’s and his wife were having marital problems. In stepped me/Michael J. Fox… I/he suggested that the CEO sing this to his wife:
“Ba-da-bah-bah-bum… I’m lovin’ you.”
Boom! I/he became a success at McDonald’s! And it was our little (second) secret!
The other dream involved me seeing a sneak preview for a flick that hasn’t even hit theaters yet – The Expendables.
Suffice it to say, there was a switcheroo in the middle of the movie (a twist filling, if you will), and the bad guys killed off all the Expendables except for two…
This has to be one of the best bar stories of all time, and my apologies if I don’t get this right.
Dakota (a friend of mine) knew this kid that claimed his father was a pilot during the Bay of Pigs invasion. Part one of his story:
My dad was called to active duty and was ordered to fly to Playa Girón to drop some bombs on Cuba. But the thing was… he wasn’t allowed to bring a map. But he really needed a map, so he hid it in his butt.
He couldn’t bring a map of Cuba to Cuba in case he was caught going to the place he had a map of how to get to? Moving on to paht two:
So as my dad was closing in on his target, hand ready to pull the lever, a call came in over his radio… ”Tahm, don’t drop tha bahms!’ It was President Kennedy!
So according to this kid, not only was his father one of the very few Americans involved in the invasion, but JFK was on a first name basis with him.
Hence the new phrase for you – “map in the ass.” It’s code for “a lie pulled out of your ass.”
Tah dah!
Another item of discussion – what is the layout of the office on The Office?
This is the best version I’ve found online (and it’s not 100% up-to-date):
Does Vance Refrigeration use its lease space as effectively?
I recently had a dream in which I invented wind-up watches. I woke up thinking they were a crazy idea, and then I thought about how crazy i was to forget that they existed.
While on the subject of crazy, one of my friends told me about a woman she worked with and the recurring dream she had.
Over the course of fifteen years (FIFTEEN YEARS!), she often dreamed of Morgan Freeman standing in a waterfall, wearing a diaper, and holding her unborn twins in her arms. She never had twins or lost them, I found out, because then it would have been sad… like Morgan Freeman was playing his usual role of God, and all that other psychoanalytic mumbo jumbo.
So since it wasn’t a downer, I simply could not resist trying to imagine what that looked like, and here was the result:
Last year at this time, I decided to have a New Year’s Resolution Revolution and solve some problems. This year – I’m evaluating my decade. Everybody else is doin’ it, so why not me.
The end of the last decade was The Shit:
1999
Having just returned from spending a month in Europe, and ready to sell pc’s again at Circuit Shitty making very good commission money… only to learn that Y2K was keeping everyone from buying.
I took up a second job working overnight at Target where I met many of the people who would stay friends throughout the decade.
The start of this decade:
2000
After quitting both the above retailers, I was an extra in the movie 61*.
While on vacation a couple weeks ago in Mehico, I picked up a few things other than the Spanish language (and The Clap… you all know The Clap… it goes with this song:
and… end parenthetical).
Anyquién, I also decided I loathe the above remake, but that’s neither here nor there. Well, it was there, at the resort, where my dislike upgraded to loathe because they played it every day at the pool. Now onto the mysteries!
MYSTERY 1) A fair amount of time ago, a friend was telling me about a documentary he watched on Animal Planet or Discovery that was about “cutie fish.” He told me about how they are amongst the smartest invertebrates, and about their survival methods. Interesting, thought I, and I preceded to look them up… and found nothing.
In Mexico, some friends went snorkeling and mentioned that they saw “cuttlefish.” Which look like this:
MYSTERY 2) In my relaxing vacational TV viewing, I stumbled across a cartoon featuring a bunch of eggs that were battling, while some eggs were tied to a roller coaster track. One of them was friends with a strip of bacon, and one guy looked like this:
(Not So) Artistic Representation
It didn’t help that it was in Spanish, but I’ve not been able to find anything like it on Google image search.
BONUS MYSTERY: There was some CGI black and white movie that was in English, and it had a fairly intense shower sex scene. The main character’s name was Don Hudson, and he was being hunted by people the woman he just slept showered with called. There were reed accents throughout. Google search? Nada.
MYSTERIES – UNSOLVED
MYSTERY 3) In other TV viewing, there was some crappy Danny DeVito movie (I found out was entitled, Other People’s Money), and his character’s name was Larry Garfield. Now that’s not much on its own (although it was weird I had just watched Stand and Deliver and the school it took place at was also named Garfield High School), but after watching Shoot ‘Em Up, I theorized Odie meant “hate.”
Got home and Babel Fished it:
Boo-yah! Mystery solved! But a newer mystery remained. Did Garfield creator Jim Davis name his yellow dog this because his feline star hated him?
Apparently, no:
Odie was based on a car dealership commercial written by Jim Davis, which featured Odie the Village Idiot. Davis liked the name Odie and decided to use it again.
MYSTERIES – (UNSATISFACTORILY) SOLVED!
MYSTERY 4) Um, Boston Legal was called Justicia Ciega. What did it translate to? I figured justicia = legal, but what did ciega mean? Well on another show or movie (I don’t recall which one), a car accident almost occurred and a woman screamed, “What are you, blind?” Ciega flashed on the bottom. Boston Legal = Justicia Ciega = Blind Justice.
MYSTERY – SOLVED!
MYSTERY 5) Why did I spend so much time watching TV?
For whatever reason, prior to his reappearance in the news, I had a dream that was hanging out with Brody Jenner (do I credit him as the son of Bruce Jenner, the step-brother of Kim Kardashian, or a cast member of The Hills?), but not in a Bromance sort of way, though.
As a self-described ladies’ man (I have no proof he claims this, but I have no doubt he claims this), he was acting as my dating guru. His advice:
Repeat what you do every hour.
Apparently, when you take a girl on a date, just perform a variation of your actions every hour. It was like a Philip K. Dick theory about time loops sort of thing. Believe me, the suggestion made sense in the dream, and it still carries a resonance in my noggin that’s difficult to convey.
Maybe it’s like true knowledge, in the sense that it must be learned and not taught.
Or maybe Brody Jenner can visit you in your dreams, in whatever capacity you prefer…
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