Drunken Recollection

Drunken Recollection… Evil Grimace

Posted on by sgottahurt

He has McDiabetes.

Okay, all you Super-Sized McFatties out there, are you ready for this?

Wait… that’s kind of the wrong way to start this post.  Kind of like how McDonald’s started Grimace out as an evil, four-armed thief…

He was introduced in 1971, and made only these two appearances as a bad guy.  For whatever reason, he was quickly converted into the purple gumdrop we all know and… are mildly nostalgic about?  But finding out about this, one night while drinking, finally shed some light on a question I’ve long battled:

If Grimace means a sharp contortion of the face expressive of pain, contempt, or disgust, why would they name the lovable oaf that?

Lovable oaf? Really?!

It’s because he started out as a… sharp contortion of the face expressive of pain, contempt, or disgust, I guess.

But I digress.  Anyone out there remember Uncle O’Grimacy?  Because for some reason, I don’t.

But this talk of Shamrock Shakes and St. Patrick’s Day gets me thinking… man, I can’t wait to do more drinking.  And drinking is what lead me to this overall discovery.

It’s the circle of life.  Or the Golden Arches of life.  Have it your way.  Oh wait, that’s the Burger King slogan, but I’m lovin’ it.

Drunken Recollection… Portlandia’s Theme

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you are not watching this show, you haven't seen it.

Friday’s are the one day of the week I’m most likely to spiral out of control.  It used to be Mondays and Tuesdays.  And Thursdays.  And Wednesdays.  And sometimes Sundays.  Rarely Saturdays because that’s amateur hour.  But yeah, these days, I’m lame and go the extra mile on Fridays.

Now don’t you go and worry that I don’t drink any of the other days.  Because I do.  Each day.  Almost exclusively.  (Yes, I know what exclusively means.)

Anyputabirdonit, the shows theme song reminded my friends and I of an 80’s song.  Here’s the theme (and not the awesome premise theme):

  • Feel It All Around by Washed Out

I initially thought it was:

  • Baby I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton

But I was on the wrong side of that emotion.  It actually reminded me (and us?) of this:

  • I’m Not in Love by 10cc

In closing, please click on putabirdonit and premise theme.  This show is fantastic.

Drunken Recollection… Possible Down To Earth Celebs

Posted on by sgottahurt

Everybody imagines at one time or another about how life would be like if they were famous.  Some people fantasize about the money and recognition.  I, on the other hand, wonder which celebrities might be real.  And by real, I mean accessible, or down to Earth.

We were discussing a few names, and these were the guys rated seemingly friendliest:

 

Bill Murray - Jimmy Fallon - Justin Timberlake - George Clooney - David Arquette

 

Other names mentioned: Ashton Kutcher and David Spade.  But would you want to be around them?  David Arquette is barely making the list.  In fact, I’m second-guessing editing him into that picture.

But after all this, you might be wondering:

Why aren’t there any female celebrities?

I guess my answer is… are there any?

Oh, and in closing, the celebrity that seems most down to Earth is this guy:

 

Jesus also associated with women of ill repute.

 

Drunken Recollection… “He Was Orange, I Tell Ya, Orange!”

Posted on by sgottahurt

I haven’t gotten mad – well, pissed, actually – while playing live bar trivia in a long time.  So long, in fact, I can’t even think of the last instance.

This time, the question in question involved these two chaps:

Aaah, the good ol' days of cartoons based on video games...

The inquiry was a two-parter that went like so:

What color was Q*bert?  And what color was Clyde the Ghost in Pac-Man?

I knew it instantly, and handed the answer in first.  I watched each of the above terrible cartoons as a child, and I knew it with every power pellet of my being.

So the results were revealed, and we were the ONLY team out of ten to get it right, and we received the maximum amount of bonus points for doing so.

We were in first place at the half, and about three questions into the second round, the announcer shared this:

It has come to our attention that Clyde was also red, so everyone gets bonus points.

What. The. @!#?@!? (Q*bert shout-out!)

According to the “ever-reliable” Wikipedia:

Enemy Color
Original Pac Man
American Pac-Man
Character (Personality)
Translation
Nickname
Translation
Character (Personality)
Nickname
Red
Oikake (追いかけ)
chaser
Akabei (赤ベイ)
red guy
Shadow
Blinky
Pink
Machibuse (待ち伏せ)
ambusher
Pinky (ピンキー)
pink guy
Speedy
Pinky
Cyan
Kimagure (気まぐれ)
fickle
Aosuke (青助)
blue guy
Bashful
Inky
Orange
Otoboke (お惚け)
stupid
Guzuta (愚図た)
slow guy
Pokey
Clyde

This is Clyde’s Wikia page:

Orange you glad I didn't say red?

But apparently, this excerpt is why the additional points were granted:

After an error in Pac-Man World 2, describing Blinky as orange and Clyde as red, all other World series games place Clyde as the red ghost and elevate him to the rank of leader of the ghost gang.

—-This is nothing more than an error that was forced into being reused.—-

Namco aside from the World series and Arrangement has always called Clyde the orange ghost.

So it was a wording issue.  If the announcer had added “in the original arcade game,” we would have been set.

We still wouldn’t have won the entire trivia game, but we would have been the only ones right.

(SIDENOTE: The team that fought for this said our team sucked once they too were awarded bonus points.  Well, they can go @!#?@!? themselves because they didn’t win either.  Nyah.)

Drunken Recollections… Coconuts And Bowling Balls

Posted on by sgottahurt

What else did you expect this post to open with?

Train rides are not commonplace for me back home, let alone drunken train rides.  While I’m in Prague, I’ve gotten quite used to them.

During one of my many discussions with Steve, we started on the topic of tropical films, namely Couples Retreat.  I mentioned that it’s a general rule that films that take place in vacation spots feel like half-assed movies.  Everyone’s in paradise!  Why would they want to work?

So we started thinking about the exceptions and the rules.  Obviously, on the inebriated spot, we didn’t mention most of these:

RULES

  • Couples Retreat
  • Club Dread (I liked this one, but it really isn’t that good)
  • Club Paradise
  • The Beach
  • Into the Blue
  • Blue Crush
  • Fool’s Gold
  • Six Days, Seven Nights
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • A Perfect Getaway
  • Jaws: The Revenge
  • 50 First Dates (also likeable but weak… let alone twisted)
  • Summer Rental
  • Joe Versus the Volcano
  • Captain Ron
  • Cabin Boy
  • Cutthroat Island
  • The Pirate Movie
  • The Heartbreak Kid (remake)
  • My Father the Hero

EXCEPTIONS

  • Forgetting Sarah Marshall
  • Cast Away
  • Jurassic Park
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
  • One Crazy Summer (you gotta give me this one)
  • Point Break (you don’t hafta give me this one)

UNDECIDEDS

  • Blue Lagoon
  • Return to Blue Lagoon (probably a RULE)
  • The Heartbreak Kid (original)
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Open Water
  • Scooby-Doo
  • Weekend at Bernie’s
  • Weekend at Bernie’s II (probably a RULE, too)

It even applies to TV shows, if not more so than.  But I’ll save that for another post.

Oh!  And as to why there’s a mention of bowling balls – Steve wondered what it would take to have a bowling lane in your home.  If it looked like this…

"Pardon me, but I left my shoes in my other bowling alley."

…then it would only cost $88,000.  If it looked like this…

Yep. I went there because it's easy.

…then prepare to shell out $149.99.  Plus tax.

Did I miss any?  Did I misplace any?  Comment below!

Drunken Recollection… If The Rolling Stones Never Existed

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s not like I’m a huge fan of The Beatles and think their shit doesn’t stink (a dung Beatle, if you will), but you cannot deny the fact that they have had a major impact on pop culture.

On the other hand, one night over more than a few brews, I decided that The Rolling Stones could have “not” existed, and we wouldn’t be missing much.

Sure, this Saturday Night Live skit would have never existed:

And there would have been no Paint It Black for The Doors to cover. Wait, the version I thought was Jim Morrison and crew was Mick Jagger and crew?

Well, there would have been no Wild Horses for The Sundays to cover at least (and to be honest, we probably could have lived without this one):

And lastly, who would Johnny Depp have based his Captain Jack Sparrow on other than Keith Richards?

This is the cleanest they've EVER looked.

My list of other rockers he could have based the pirate on:

  • John Lennon (quiet, contemplative, bespectacled)
  • Paul McCartney (smarmy, polite, vegetarian)
  • Ringo Starr (drummer)
  • Meat Loaf (this could have really worked)

Bitch Tits himself.

And with that, the argument discussion ended.

After all was said and done, I really wanted to hear this song for some reason, and did you know the B-52’s Love Shack lyric

Tin roof – rusted!

means pregnant, and not on her period? You’re welcome.

Drunken Recollection… Quite The Celebrity Mix-Up

Posted on by sgottahurt

Out of context, I have no idea what these two Actors! have in common.  In context – I still don’t.  That mostly has to deal with the fact that I was tipsy, but the mostly is barely a mostly, because I also never watched either of the shows these Actors! starred in.

CELEBRITY #1 – Jan-Michael Vincent

Star of "Airwolf"

CELEBRITY #2 – Philip Michael Thomas

Co-star of "Miami Vice"

The only explanation that comes to mind is:

  • They both were in 80’s TV shows
  • They both peaked with said 80’s TV shows
  • They both have the same middle name (kinda)
  • Their names consist of three first names
  • They both were thrown a bone by PMT’s former co-star, Don Johnson:

"Nash Bridges" - Revelations

"Nash Bridges" - Out of Miami

As Dana Carvey’s Church Lady would always say:

Some others in the Three First-Namers Club:

  • Billy Ray Cyrus and Jonathan Taylor Thomas

I might confuse them one day by their hair or jackets.

Drunken Recollection… “Where’s Rock Bottom?”

Posted on by sgottahurt

To preface, this is the New Place Lounge in Dearborn, Michigan, pictured from the outside:

Uncensored

And this is the New Place Lounge pictured from the inside:

Uncensored

Now imagine a night that I had been drinking, um, for a good six hours, and someone told me she was going to be at the above new place lounge:

Scent-sored

Now imagine my shock at this news, and me running outside to promptly call them.  Here’s how the conversation sort of went:

LADY – New Place Lounge.

ME – Is Debbie Gibson going to play there?!

LADY – You don’t have to yell.  I can hear you perfectly fine.

ME – I’m sorry.  It sounded loud on your end so I tried to compensate!  Is it true Debbie Gibson is going to be playing at your bar?!

LADY – You’re still yelling.  (unintelligible)  She’ll be playing at Rock Bottom.

ME – Rock Bottom?  Where’s Rock Bottom?!

LADY – (hangs up)

I immediately turned to the TripleDoubleU on my phone to find out where a Rock Bottom was locally because I knew there was one in Chicago, but my efforts were fruitless.  I gave up and decided to research the next day.

A couple of hours of sleep and a McDonald’s breakfast later, I translated what I’d actually heard:

LADY – For her to play here, she’d have to hit rock bottom.

TAH-DAH!

(SIDENOTE: I should have also prefaced that in my preadolescence, I was in love with Debbie Gibson.  Don’t click this – it’s the gayest straight thing I ever wrote.)

Drunken Recollection… Denver Airport Conspiracy

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m a man that prefers simple.  Cut to the chase.  No silly games.  WYSIWYG.

But I’m also the kind of guy that enjoys the bizarre.  Against the grain.  Conspiracies.  WTF.

This Drunken Recollection involves the latter.  One night after soccer, my friend Chris mentioned that my brother had a flight layover at the Denver International Airport, and that he had asked him if he’d witnessed anything strange.

I didn’t know what he was referring to, so he pointed out the likes of this:

Okay, well, that borders on the irrational and fantastical (and kind of insane), but the main thing was that these types of conspiracies existed.

About an airport.

And none of it dealt with the fact it was a international airport nowhere near any other nations.

The DIA Conspiracy Files blog delves further into other aspects, but as a (rational) counterpoint, here ya go:

I still don’t understand why a city in just about the middle of the state would be international:

It's the cream-filling between Mexico and Canada.

Drunken Recollection… Wedding Train Of Thought

Posted on by sgottahurt

A (Not So Artistic) Literal Wedding Train

I didn’t ever intend this blog to contain a lot of music-related posts, but I can’t help it.  Music is everywhere.  In movies.  On MTV TV.  In my car.  Which I am in.  A lot.  For work.  Not to live.

So this post will be about a quick train of thought about a few songs that occurred at – you guessed it – a wedding.

First came this song:

We couldn’t remember who sung Wind of Change, and the ambient noise was too loud for Shazam took do its job, so I had to do it the old fashioned way.  I Googled it.

Turned out to be by the German band, Scorpions, and it was released in 1990, which was later than I had expected.  We also found out Scorpions had also performed the song, Send Me an Angel.

We confused it with this version by Real Life:

(SIDENOTE: The above version is from 1983.  There was also a 1989 edition if you’re interested.  We didn’t know the Scorpions‘ tune of the same name at all.)

The other mixed-up train of thought occurred when we thought Nights in White Satin (which I always thought was about knights that wore satin armor in protest since I never really listened to the words) was by Procol Harum.

Nope.  It was by The Moody Blues.  Procol Harum’s most famous diddy was A Whiter Shade of Pale.

Coinkydinkily, they were both released in 1967, and their videos are after the jump.

Read More