drunk

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Proactiv Curse

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post was originally going to be about my investigation into the ripping off of Bruce Hornsby (and the Range)’s Mandolin Rain (or is it Tupac’s Changes?) in Proactiv Acne Solutions’ commercials, but then I stumbled onto a greater conspiracy.

What do these young ladies’ have in common?

LiLo, KelCla, JeLoHew

LiLo, KelCla, JeLoHew

They had stellar careers, booming out of nowhere, sky’s-the-limit…

Then they did Proactiv commercials.

How have they fared since?

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jaime Kennedy?!

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jamie Kennedy?!

(SIDENOTE: You may have noticed Jessica Simpson was also in their commercials, but did she really ever have a career?)

My biggest concern of late is this cutie:

Julianne Hough of "Dancing With My Heart"

Julianne Hough of "Dancing With My Heart"

She’s been in Proactiv commercials, and although she’s well-known (?) amongst Dancing with the Stars, country music, and Juicy Fruit fans, I hope to see more from her in the entertainment world.

Ultimately, this comes down to whether or not I’m reading into this (Coinkydink) or I’m onto something (Coinkydonk).

Your drunk thoughts Diddy?

InASense, Lost… Getting Drunk With The Tiny Toons

Posted on by sgottahurt

Where's the Sunny D and purple stuff?

Where's the Sunny D and purple stuff?

I just read an interesting fact idea this week.  I don’t recall it verbatim, but the gist was this:

If alcoholic products were invented today, they’d never make it through to market.

One might think this is interesting, poignant, and sobering (these might all be redundant, but I’m too lazy, sluggish, and apathetic to double-check), but I find it harrowing.  If it wasn’t invented oh-so-long ago by the monks, Jesus, the French, and Siberians, booze might have to be procured by illegal means.  And what would I do at the bar and sporting events were that the case?  More importantly, how would ugly people do the kamanawanaleia?

And as a bystander caught in the crossfire of a ripple in the time-space continuum that lead lead to alcohol’s disappearance, this Tiny Toons cartoon would have never existed:

This bit came from an episode entitled Elephant Issues, and as far as I’ve looked into it, it’s only aired once in this country (September 18, 1991).

A few problems I found with the segment:

  • When I had my first sip of beer, I got “the shakes” which was not depicted well by the characters.  Nowadays, I call that shaking “getting my groove on.”
  • After one sip, they all start belching to a tune.  I don’t know about the ladies out there, but to myself and most men, belching in key is a big selling point for beer.
  • The references to bars and money and martini glasses feels incomplete.  Where are the silhouettes of strippers?  Amiright?
  • If that bottle was a forty, I’d believe it could last that long and trash a couple of kids animals Tiny Toons.  But I’ve seen them get shot in the face, fall off cliffs, and get blown up by dynamite.  One 12 oz. bottle… not buying it.
  • And about that solo 12 oz. bottle being the only thing in the fridge at the beginning… that looked a lot like my fridge!
  • The entire thing is in insulting to hobos and drunks everywhere.
  • And man, was that animation kinda crappy, or what?

I think Buster, Hampton, and Plucky need the Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue!

Drunken Recollection… Plant Controlled Cars and Men in Fat Suits

Posted on by sgottahurt

As the mind drowns in spirits and sorrows, strange cabinets are unlocked.  At the mention of a friend’s son named Jayce (or Jace, I’m not sure), this popped into my thought bubble:

I remember finding these toys by Mattel at an F&M Drug Store on clearance.  I begged, but alas, the begging proved fruitless (no vegetation pun intended).

Also, while playing trivia at the bar, a question prompted the flash in the pan that was Arsenio Hall’s alter-ego, to flash before my eyes:

There was a third item, but courtesy of the alcohol, I do not recall what it is.  For the next Drunken Recollection, I hope to still be inebriated when writing this, rather than hungover.